Re-Invent Yourself-Transform Your Image!

Bold and Beautiful

You probably already know, that the first thirty seconds of your initial contact with someone, is the moment they decide who you are based on your appearance. What kind of an image would you like to portray? Most of us want the world to take us seriously. We want to have our presence known and to leave our mark wherever we go. However, I must admit that I have noticed that many don’t really dress the part for success.

While there are many out there with good taste, there are very few who own their unique style and do it with grace, class, and elegance. Everyone can’t be good at everything, right?! The best way to fix that is through small changes in your appearance. This, in turn, can create self-confidence and boost your levels of happiness. Everyone knows that when you look good, you feel good. Constant style transformations are good for your personal development. Out with the old and in with the new.

Some clothes may suit certain people and enhance their appearance. The exact same clothing worn by another person can look downright drab. Clothing on a sales rack can sometimes appear rather beautiful, especially when there is a red Sale tag attached to it.

Unfortunately, when you get home and try it on, you totally feel like sobbing because for some reason now the outfit looks rather different. We have all been through this at some point, so calm down. For this reason there are personal stylists who are readily available to assist you, so don’t despair.

Best Accessories For Men

It seems that we tend to wear the same few outfits day in and day out in the same style which we have worn since our first real job. We wear it one way and don’t even dare attempt to pair the item off with certain accessories. The struggle is real. I don’t know about you, but the first thing that crosses my mind whenever I leave the house is what do I wear today? I can stand in front of my cupboard on some days, totally and absolutely clueless.

Dare to Wear

This is where the Style Surgeon takes over. What is a personal stylist? you ask. Many people don’t even know what a professional personal stylist does. His or her job is to ensure that you do not make a fashion faux pas. Not only that, you will be trained to dress in a manner which befits the image you would like to portray to the outside world. Your stylist will source clothing that suits your budget and body shape, coloring and height. She will find the latest styles for you and work on your existing closet to enable every single item of clothing which you own to really get to work for you.

Personal Stylist
Getting Dressed By The Style Fundi

Bearing that in mind, I must say that I was super excited to have recently encountered a stunningly attractive and stylish lady whose style of clothing is classy and elegant, sophisticated and tasteful in an understated way. It stands out because of her unique choice of fabulous colors. Meet Veeshani Ramjie, an image consultant from Johannesburg, South Africa.

After an initial telephone consultation with her, and exchange of numerous photos she was able to come up with several new outfit ideas from a few simple favorites of mine. I snapped pictures for the Style Surgeon of my body in a tight dress in order for Veesahani to analyze my form. Based on my figure, coloring, age, and occupation she was able to transform my existing cupboard.

Its All About What Suits You

What really impressed me about Veeshani is that she took all my needs into consideration, as I am a Muslim and thus pretty conservative. I mostly opt for clothing that hides instead of accentuating and revealing my body. Most Muslim women dress in hijaab when they leave their houses. However, when they are within the confines of their own homes they are allowed to dress fashionably for their husbands. Being the mother to a teen means that I have to dress age appropriate yet at the same time, I do not want to seem like someone living in the stone ages and out of touch with reality. This is where Veesahni is able to transform your boring wardrobe by mixing and matching existing items and accessories.

Then came the awesome make-up tips. The color combinations which she suggested was not something I would have considered prior to a consultation. I was pleasantly surprised though, to note that certain colors actually accentuate my eyes and make them appear larger. She also shook off some of my weight issues, which every woman has. Imagine overcoming the things that make you self -conscious. It is really an awesome feeling to walk with confidence. Through creating an illusion with certain colors and styles, I appeared to look a size smaller.

Veeshani is an amazing person and it was an absolute delight to have had the opportunity for a free consultation worth over R5000. I loved her jovial personality and we connected on so many levels.  She literally transformed my life by equipping me with necessary skills required to mix and match, pair and scratch for the perfect combination and outfit ensemble.

Dressed for Success

With her experience in the corporate environment, because of her career as a professional accountant, Veeshani will be able to assist you, with attaining a fabulous and professional corporate image. What I have recently noticed is that there has been a recent surge in men utilizing the services of an image consultant to assist them. In this way, men can develop their own unique and masculine clothing style in order to enhance their image.

The benefits of utilizing the services of a professional consultant who specializes in style transformations are numerous. Male or female, the Style Surgeon will change your life for the better. A new image can be your stepping stone to success. Changes are necessary for self-development.

Metrosexual Men

 An Image consultant is able to transform your appearance by offering you:

Corporate Services:

  •  Assistance with induction programmes – relaying the organizations dress code policy to new staff members; thus solidifying the company
  • brand promotion through sharing tips & tricks on how to have your personal style shine through.
  • Assistance with individual staff members who dress inappropriately as management does not always have the necessary resources or time to handle this effectively
  • Special programme’s for Women’s Day / Corporate Day can be arranged.
  • Numerous styling techniques to help you to decide what suits your needs
  • One on One consultations with key personnel that may be in need of Image
  • Consulting services for PA’s, newly appointed managers, directors and front desk staff.
Style Can Be Taught

What do image Consultants actually do?

  1. Colour Analysis
  2. Body Shape Anaylsis
  3. Style Personality Assessment
  4. Makeup Applications/Lessons
  5. Wardrobe Assessment
  6. Makeovers (All of the above)
  7. Special Occassion Styling
  8. Colour Analysis
Heels And Jeans-Steaming Hot Combination

You will receive a personal color swatch, a detailed report with regards to your body shape, proportions, style and personality, with an emphasis on what enhances your special features through appropriate styling. Not only was this loads of fun for me, but I learned so much within such a short period of time about what suits me and what doesn’t. I saved tons of money because I am now using every clothing item in my cupboard, wisely. If you are regularly struggling with clothing and style, that should tell you that you need the services of an image consultant right away!

Shopping Can Be Fun

Don’t delay Contact Veeshani right this minute for a quote on some of her packages available. You can quote this Voucher number (STS smart101) to get a 20% discount.

Here are her details: Email veeshanir@gmail.com

 Call her on her Mobile  – +27 8 2 6 2 4 1 9 9 6

Check her out on Instagram – Stylesurgeonsa

Friend her on Facebook – Style Surgeon

For more info about personal stylists and what they do, this is a useful website to visit:http://wallstreetstylist.com/about-us/

Check out this blog on further info about personal stylists and how they can rock your lifestyle: https://sheisfiercehq.com/why-would-you-hire-a-personal-stylist/

Modern yet Modest

Beautiful Women

Sharing my services with the community

By no means is this an advertising platform. I am here to write and convey my journey of self-development to you. Part of self-development and being a good human being requires sharing your time, your heart and your being with others.

On this note, I have decided to assist entrepreneurs and small businesses at least once a month with marketing. This service which I offer is free of charge, and mostly to empower women to take charge of their lives. It does not actually matter who you are. Whether you are male or female, as long as your products are of a higher caliber, I will review them and choose whom I wish to feature on my blogs.

Online Boutique

Without further ado, I would like to present some of my favorite items to you. I have collaborated with an array of small online boutiques to bring you items which you may purchase for yourself this February, in light of self-love and self-development.

February month of love

Treat Yourself!

Modern and Modest

What you need to know is that you are a beautiful, courageous and a breathtakingly stunning human being, with or without a partner by your side. You deserve to spoil yourself, love yourself. Why wait your whole life for someone else to show you your value, when you can value yourself and know your own self-worth?! Purchase your own dress. Send yourself flowers if there is nobody to buy them for you. If you have a partner to spoil you then indeed you are blessed. I am certain that he will be bowled over by these outfits.

So let’s get down with it, right now…

Upcoming Designer

Do you know what Coco Chanel said about women?

She said: “ You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life!”

The lady I feature today, is an upcoming designer of modest clothes, in particular, streetwear that is unique, chic, sassy, classy and elegant. Well…I thought so….

When I was fourteen my mother sent me for fashion designing classes and bought me two machines of my own to use to create my own outfits. I guess my mother got tired of buying me all those fancy designer dresses. The honest to God truth is I love clothing, designing and creating a garment from scratch. However, I met my match when it comes to designing, or should I say, I have met a lady who truly surpasses me in her designing skills. It is the whole truth.

Hijaab Style

Hijaabi Queens

Here are some of her stunning and trendy hijab style items which I think have earned a special place of must-haves on my list. I have chosen a few favorites. I contacted her and after a brief conversation she was very responsive and permitted me to feature her lovely items.

Be Different

After careful scrutiny of the products, I was truly bowled over by the range and her show stoppers are truly to die for items. I bet your hangers in your cupboard are screaming out Rafia ’s brand name Modualapparel.  Can you resist these soft, flowy, distinct patterns and amazing designs draped loosely over you? These items are created with passion and the sort of creativity that I find rare.

Busy as a bee

Street Fashion

Young and Hip

These outfits were carefully put together in such a manner as to reduce the shape of your body and conceal more than revealing. They are, however, unique and eye-catching, with colors that every single woman covets. They are not just for Muslim women. Any women will feel like a princess when she models these outfits for her beloved family and friends. The aim is to introduce young women to the joys and pleasure of covering up while remaining part of the street style, street fashion, and street trends…

Lady in red

Formal and casual range

Everything is not always black and white

With two ranges to choose from, you will most certainly be spoiled for choice. What I loved about these garments is that their price range is not way over your budget as most Islamic wear is. Rafia’s range encompasses timeless beauty and elegance.  I guarantee, that most husbands with gheerah (mild possessiveness) will be relieved, stunned and pleasantly surprised when you adorn yourself with these lovely outfits. Priced between R750 to R950 for the casual range and R1200 to R2500 for the exclusive and smart range. I think these are a total steal! They are utterly unique which means that your frienemy won’t be caught wearing the same outfit as you.

Cool Summer Florals
Dress it up with heels
Bold and sasy
Teen image
Elegant Woman
Feminine and flowy

So here goes…

Rafia may be contacted via email: rafiah@zaraf.co.za

Alternately you may call her on +27820534665

Alternatively, check out her clothing line on Instagram @modualapparel

Rafia offers courier services.

She is based in Johannesburg, South Africa

Beat the Stigma – 11 Tips to Being Happily Divorced

Let Them Wonder How You Can Still Be So Content

Overnight Changes

If you found this page, it can only mean one thing. You’re either about to take a nose-dive into divorce, or you are divorced already. Whether you are white, black, brown, grey or red, male or female, everyone knows that once you are divorced, you literally become a pariah overnight.

The Mighty Question Here Is:

 Should you suffer for deciding to opt out of your marriage?

You must know that staying in an unhappy marriage, may not be the best decision for everyone concerned. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that divorce is always the best option. I am saying that if you were in a situation where you were forced to walk away from the marriage, you should not be ashamed of your decision.

Your happiness does not depend on societies expectations. Hold your head up high. Its society that needs to curb their flapping tongues, but won’t.

Death Of A MArriage

Divorce Has Become A Trend

In Western countries, divorce seems to be a trend. It is nothing out of the ordinary for people to have experienced a failed marriage more than once. However, f you are sitting in a country like India, the stigma is even higher due to the lower percentage of the divorce rate.

Ultimately this is what it boils down to:

Moving on is not as difficult as dealing with society and how unforgiving they are. They will hold you hostage for using the get out card. It’s not as if you are not already beating yourself up over your flaws and mistakes.

 Brown Chick Problems

As a brown woman, I can tell you that there were times when I felt as if someone had slapped a red defective sticker on my forehead. Despite the surge of “broken homes” the obvious irony is that you will never be normal once you experience life as a divorced woman.

The fact remains that woman tend to bear the brunt way more than men do. Unless a man was known for his abusive, criminal or womanizing ways, the blame almost always falls directly on the woman’s head. What nobody will come out and say directly to your face is: You are a failure. However, this is how society categorizes divorced people.

Officially Pre – Owned

For most woman out there, it can feel as if your new marital status grants everyone the right to disfavor you. In fact, men see you as used goods. They regard you as desperate and freely available with a stale and chewy sticker attached to your forehead.

Hold on to your dignity. You are no criminal. You deserve respect and you will get it. If you have been feeling despondent, read on. The fat lady has not started singing as yet, so life isn’t over!

Great News

If you are standing at divorces door, feeling like there is very little hope for your future, my friend, I have got the best news for you ever! This feeling won’t last. If you follow these basic steps, you will find yourself in a better space and it won’t matter how society views you. In fact, if you take the time out to heal, the proper way, you are more than likely to grow and thrive. In order to get to that point, there are some things which you must do:

Reflect and Acknowledge Your Faults

Firstly, reflect and acknowledge your mistakes. Figure out what you could have done differently. Then forgive yourself. It takes two to salsa. You were not alone in the marriage, were you? No matter what you may have done or not done, if you want redemption, then you must be merciful to your own soul first. Remember that reflection is fundamental for self-growth.

No matter how serious the problem was you owe absolutely no justification nor explanation to anyone. It is nobody’s business! The more you say, the more they will find ways to mock your mistakes. Say nothing. One thing that shuts people up easily is if you say: I am not comfortable discussing this right now, sorry.

Two things happened to me when I got divorced. People who were once good friends, walked away. Then there were those who I was not very close to, who tried to gap into my life. If you wondering why, well…the juicy tidbits, gossip and updates, why else?

The one’s that left, escaped because I no longer fit into their idea of what an ideal family should look like. I was now a third-rate citizen. Why would they want to associate with me?

Ask For Help If You Can’t Cope Alone

11 Winning Tips:

  • Don’t feel shy to get help from a renowned and trusted therapist that you feel comfortable around. Find someone who is credible and experienced in this field.  A therapist is essential especially in an acrimonious, and turbulent situation. Therapists offer a guiding hand which is often priceless for personal growth.
  • Seek solace in a higher power, your creator. Prayer and meditation are the number one method of eliminating stress and finding relief for your pain.
Family Time Will Help Heal Each Other
  • Don’t isolate yourself. At some point you will have to reintegrate into society as a single person. You cannot hide from society. What you can do is start taking an interest in self-care. Remember that looking good works marvelously on your self esteem. When you look in the mirror your appearance should not depress you further.
  • You must heal your own soul. Nobody can fix your life. You only have the power to fix yourself and heal your heart. You don’t have to put on a happy act, but you can just be your normal self around others. Smile and let society wonder while you continue living graciously and mysteriously.
  • You couldn’t live together with your spouse but no matter how acrimonious things became, that person was once the love of your life. Have mercy on them. Be polite. You don’t have to bake them I am sorry cookies, just to make peace. However you can be decent and kind. Remember that whatever you are experiencing, they are too. Everyone doesn’t deal with pain in the same way. They may be hiding their emotions. Don’t for one second think that it does not affect them.
  • If you can get the assistance of an unbiased and independent arbitrator or lawyer to iron out the nitty gritty details, do that. You need peace of mind with regards to finances and visitation rights. Once all of this has been resolved, you will be able to take better care of your own heart and be there for your children.
  • Find things to do to occupy your mind. Play with your children if they are little. Engage with them fully. Act like a silly child and let your hair down. Their smiles are enough to bring your heart to life again. It’s okay to breathe and live. Life doesn’t end because the marriage ended.
  • Find a satisfying hobby or take up a course that will enrich you. This is excellent for your C.V and it is sure to boost your self-esteem. There are loads of free online courses so don’t say that you have no money.
  • Use the time when you are in iddah ( Muslims waiting period after divorce) to decide what you want to accomplish in life. Make new plans and set new goals.
  • Also, most importantly it is wise to develop a strong spiritual relationship with your creator. Remember this: No soul can provide peace in your turbulent heart, only YOUR CREATOR can bring that peace!

Conclusion:

The longer you were in the marriage, the longer it will take to heal. Nonetheless, if you get your priorities in order, you do not have to fear what others have to say about your life. Something to remember is that society will always find a new scapegoat to pick on. You can’t zip some mouths shut, or teach people how to treat you.

However, you can condition them. They will know what you will tolerate and what won’t work with you. Walk around like the queen or king that you are. Remember that your experience does not sanction abuse of any form. You walked out of your marriage for peace and happiness. You should not allow small minds to steal your freedom.

You may never change societies perceptions, but you can find ways to not allow negativity and stigma to rule the way you move forward. A personal development plan will empower you to gain clarity and provide inner strength for you to cope gracefully. Free your soul from all that weighs you down and take baby steps, one moment at a time, towards healing and contentment.

Do Bad Muslims Use Ramadhan As A Weight Loss Aid!?

Mindful Or Obsessive?

Do You Know What Is The Purpose Of Ramadhan?

I don’t know about you but each Ramadhan my focus is entirely on achieving the blessings of Allah. I mean, which believing and practicing Muslim doesn’t want to gain the full reward and blessings of Ramadhan? Extra ibadah & promises to Allah to stay steadfast for the rest of the year is all part of my Ramadhan routine.

Attain Taqwa

However, there is one thing I always promise myself not to do at the beginning of Ramadhan but end up doing it anyway. It often wreaks havoc with my conscience.

Are you wondering what I do? Allow me to snitch on myself! Allow me to reveal what most people do during Ramadhan. I start off with the best of intentions each year to eat healthily. I make a pact with myself to fast to the best of my abilities. I use Ramadhan to leverage my personal growth. I try to remember those who are less fortunate. I really do!

Your Heart Is At A High Risk
If You Don’t Curb Chotu, He Will Be Motu

The Dilemma We All Face

At the end of Ramadhan, the consequences of my actions are blatantly clear. It becomes obvious that I swallowed litres of haleem (Indian soup) and ate dozens of samoosas (Indian savoury). The problem is that I have at least two people in my family who live for Ramadhan goodies. If my discipline levels are low, I usually end up joining them on their gluttonous feast. I give in to temptations. Wait! I should stop blaming it on them! Do you also have the same problem as me?

 The big question is: “Can you dump Mr. Burger for Mr. Avocado“

How Strong Is Your Willpower?

 Iftaar Food Feasts Are Traditions & Not Religion!

Remember that savories and sweets during Ramadhan, is only a tradition. It occurs out of greed. It is not part of Islam. This unnecessary food becomes a pre-occupation during the day. It defeats the purpose of this month. Some people even watch cooking channels all day long. Poor salivating sadists. This is not allowed! Curb yourself my dear and beloved friend!

Healthy & Delicious

Are you are one of those people who end up fatter after Ramadhan? Read on for an ideal solution. The fact remains that our Nabi Muhammad (s.a) has taught us the etiquette of eating. A third for food. A third for water and a third for air. That is how we are supposed to eat. As long as you bare this in mind foremost!

For many reasons, it is a sin to over indulge in the consumption of food. Did you notice how difficult it is to bend in ruku, during salah? (prayer)

Develop Some Lifestyle Changes

  • Form New Habits. This year make a change by ditching the habits of the past!
  •  Plan your food consumption
  •  Plan your ibadah (prayer) in advance.
  • Develop discipline.  
  • Set goals in order to achieve those spiritual aspirations
  • Take care of your body – as prescribed by our prophet Muhammad s.a

Are You ready For Some Exciting News?

Whoever told you that you shouldn’t exercise while you are fasting has mislead you! If you previously had an exercise routine, you can still stick to that work out. You won’t train as strenuously, but there is nothing stopping you from doing light exercises. Your discipline levels don’t need to wane. Read On…

Work For It – Woman

I Just Found My Pot Of Gold Beneath That Rainbow (Read on…expert help is here!)

In my quest to source a reliable dietician who understands Islam and Ramadhan, I discovered an amazing fitness instructor. KhadijaK totally gets my requirements and time constraints.

Leading You To Your Dream Body

What Mrs K Had To Offer Me?

  • Her exercises are as short as 28 minutes.
  • What makes this fabulous is the app which simplifies your life in every way. Its all right there on your phone. Your diet, the number of workouts you participate in, even group support via chats, can all be found on the Khadija K app.
  • Here, you will find like- minded, health conscious people are also fasting. They also hoping for the full benefits of Ramadhan through extra ibadah and sincerity etc The only difference is that these people will not be stuffing their faces with fifty samoosas as soon as the Muazzin says Allahu Akbar. Instead you will be eating moderately. You will also be taking care of your body which is on loan to you. That is an act of worship in itself.
  • Sometimes all we need to become our best self, is a combination of a small shove in the right direction. Khadija K provides enough support to keep you and me inspired.

Are you wondering who on earth is KhadijaK?

Khadija is my go-to health person. She specializes in health, nutrition and fitness. With tons of impressive certificates to frame up on her office wall, I can assure you that I have thoroughly investigated her credentials. (Fitness – HFPA Advance Certificate In Fitness Science; Fitness & Nutrition Diploma from INTEC; GIBBS – Goldman Sachs-  Entrepreneurship; Swimming Level 1 & 2 – Baby Swim –  Swimming Special Populations Certificate) A woman with sass, class, strength and charisma, beauty and a mind to match. A true softie on the inside, aspiring to assist others to be their very best. This is KhadijaK!

This woman is a tough cookie to reckon with! Rest assured that she will get you LOSING! LOSING and LOSING some of that baby weight within a week.

Benefits of Choosing Khadija’s way:

Exercise Is Fun
  • Years of fitness experience and proven results make her a leader within the industry. Why would you even give any other fitness instructor a second look when Khadija is the ultimate expert in this field?
  • What stood out for me about Khadija? You can follow her diet and regimen from any part of the world, that’s right! Whether you in New York or London, India or Africa, Khadija K is the most sought after Muslim personal trainer out there!!
  • Nobody understands halaal and haram better than this woman. I kid you not!!!!
  • She also incorporates amazing, delicious and divine sunnah foods. (You must try out the fig bake and the mezze platter. Her talbinah recipe…aaaah I had better stop salivating. Khadija K will  make your tummy smile  gleefully. Satisfaction guaranteed!
  • She is extremely efficient and on the ball. Trust me I have tried and tested her out. If you dream about having a perfect figure, look no further.
  • Support and motivation from an expert in this field.
  • No expensive diet food – food that is already in your fridge.
Reaching For The Stars

So …..What is stopping you from regaining your self-esteem?

What is stopping you from clicking on the link NOW?

Coach Khadija K

You are not bad if you try to lose weight instead of eating mindlessly! As long as your primary purpose for Ramadhan is not weight loss. As long as your mindset  is geared towards the pleasure of Allah. So long as you gain Allah swt  mercy, blessings and forgiveness, that is what really matters. As long as you strengthen your self-awareness. Make sure to take your best habits with you when Ramadhan departs. 

As long as you get in all your ibadah and extra ibaadah.

Happily Ever After

Conclusion:

As long as you don’t spend hours on exercise and neglect your salaah! As long as you do NOT focus on weight loss primarily. Your diet and eating habits should be secondary! You should also be eating the way Nabi (s.a) recommended. You should not be over indulging as taught by our prophet. (s.a) As long as you follow the sunnah first you will NEVER go wrong! Your intentions MUST BE CLEAR!

This Ramadhan you will eat the way you were meant to eat. This year you will fast without any guilt.  You will gain proper benefits of this month spiritually and physically. Proper eating habits & exercise will grant you enough energy to do extra ibadah! In this way, you will stay focused on your spiritual goals.

How To Wrap Him Around Your Pinky?!

Want him to love you the way your first crush did?!
She has him eating from her palms

Take Control Of Your Marriage With 3 Essential Principles!

Happily ever after involve patience, patience and more patience!

The follow up to my previous blog ( Happy Endings Does That Even Exist These Days) is finally here…

Self Esteem & Self Care

I have recently come across an online coach saying that a happy marriage comes from loving one’s self and the ability to understand yourself first and your own needs.

I found that the primary emphasis these days is on self-love. If you love yourself, they say, then you can love all others. While I agree with this partially. It does not spin the wheels in my brain.

Yes, I do often remind ladies to take care of themselves. However, I feel that the West primarily accentuates self-love instead of focusing on the source of love first.  

I also feel like this happiness that this online coach speaks about, is bound to be shaky, as you cannot rely on self-love alone, to weather your storms.

Also, both partners need to have mutual marriage goals. If you are both not on the same track, brace yourself for a turbulent ride.

What happens if your partner still does not reciprocate all your heartfelt efforts? With all that self- love and your marriage still does not make it, then what?

I mean you can be the greatest beauty and as nice as you wish but without having a real and legitimate goal and purpose in your mind for the success of your marriage, it really won’t get very far! There is only one way to save your home…read on for more info…

Inside job

What Is The Key To Happiness In A Marriage?

Happiness is truly an inside job. You probably heard this line before.
It is finally time to start changing your outdated mindset. It is time for some good changes. What is real happiness, you want to know? Real happiness comes from the source of everything. Who is that source? Your creator!

Replace your old concepts about marriage with a fresh perspective and become inspired now.

Stop worrying and say YES to the wisdom I am sharing with you. For just five seconds, read and ponder this please.

Who is the source of love?  YOUR CREATOR. If you do everything for the right reasons and with the right intentions everything will simply fall into place. This is the honest to God truth, I swear! When I speak here, it is based on my experiences with life and love.

 Everyone who has ever had a broken heart will be able to attest to this and tell you this above. Who delivered you from heartbreak? The same ONE will certainly bring happiness to your marriage!

This brings me to the things that men need in a marriage and the best way to keep your man madly, insanely and crazily in love with you for the rest of your married life.

The list way below will grant you the fail-proof road to a successful marriage.

Remember this: When you understand your purpose in this world, self-love comes automatically but more importantly so does respect for others, particularly your husband.

Coming from someone who has loved and lost, I can honestly say that loving for all the wrong reasons won’t keep your marriage intact and whole.

Who’s The Boss?

Some people believe that marriage is a partnership. A fifty-fifty partnership. Marriage is a partnership to a degree and within limits. The fact remains that the man and the husband is the leader of the home and the king. We as women, have become so fat from the lies that the west and the media keep us entertained with. No matter how you look at it, men and women will never be the same!

 Men will always be the leaders within a household. This is not just because of their physical strength but because the Lord of the universe stated this in the holy Quraan. Even the bible speaks of a man as the leader of the household. “Men are protectors and maintainers of women and women are nurturers.” As stated in the holy Quraan. That tells you that we have different roles.

In every culture the man is the head of the household. While each partner brings certain things to the table, ultimately who is the boss? The man is! This is the first thing which you must understand as a woman.

Marriage can be compared to managing an enterprise. Something you already know as an adult is that the M.D (Managing director) of a company cannot do without his P.A.

She does almost everything for him. He manages the business and gives the orders.
The P.A (Personal Assistant) follows through with his instructions. In a marriage some decisions are for the husband alone to decide, while other decisions are made mutually.

That is the exact way a marriage and a home should also be managed.

If you want your man to eat from your palms, you must be the best secretary to him. Give him what he needs and wants first and then only will you gain all the perks!

Keep him happy to get all the perks

What do men need?

  1. Respect

Does it mean that he can walk all over you? Does respect mean, he can say: Jump! You say: How high? Hell No! There are limits. A man who loves you will never push you to your limits. So, what is respect and how should you respect your man?

How To Show Your man/husband Respect

  • Give up trying to control your husband
  • Receive what he gives you with kindness and thankfulness
  • Designate him as the minister of finance in your marriage
  • Focus on your own inner peace and contentment
  •  Respect how he thinks
  • Express your wants without feeling entitled to it

Conclusion:

If you are an independent woman, it is not always easy to surrender to a man. However, this is no ordinary man! This is the man who was chosen as your soulmate and partner. This man was chosen by the creator of love. This man was chosen for you by the Lord of the universe.  Follow these three basic principles of wisdom for a happy marriage.

The rest of my advice will follow in the next two blogs.

They won’t be in succession so you will have to look them up and read each one in succession in order to gain the full benefit!


What do you think are the essential elements in any marriage? Please feel free to comment about your marriage and what works/worked for you!

When chivalry or politeness is seen as flirting

A helping hand

Why has society created such a thin line between politeness/chivalry and flirting??

Friendly and Polite

A young student

Many years ago, my father owned a company that imported laminated flooring. Sometimes on busy days, I would try to earn extra pocket money and assist in the business whenever I could. I was a student at the age of 18. There was an older man about as old as my dad with children my age, who was one of our biggest clients. Often when the other salespeople were busy I used to assist him to choose colors for many of his projects as a contractor.

Happy Birthday to me!

Why I hate orchids?

On my 21st birthday, my parents were overseas. I was in the store assisting my older brother. It was such a pity to be working on my birthday but I knew nobody in this city at the time to celebrate with, not that my family was ever big on celebrating birthdays. So naturally, when I received the most beautiful bouquet of pink orchids, I was delighted.

There was no name on the card attached to it. Assuming that it was from my parents, I rushed to see what was written inside, in excitement. Mortified and completely embarrassed, I stood rooted to the spot. My older brother snatched the card from my trembling fingers. We investigated and tried calling the florist to find out the details of the sender.

Are you intrigued yet? Read on to find out who it was and why my brother became livid with anger.

Misunderstandings

I believe that there is a tremendous amount of wisdom in the cliche, “learn to read between the lines!” Many people both male and female lack communication and understanding and this leads to so much of problems. Often kindness is misread for something different. Let’s face it, in this harsh world, kindness is rare. So when someone is being nice, it is often viewed as flirting. (Scroll down for self- development tips and tricks.)

Price of politeness

Recently a Twitter friend mentioned that chivalry comes with a price. I had the words ready on the tip of my tongue to retaliate but I held myself back. As women, this is what we face daily. The worst combination to possess as a woman or man who is attractive and decent is a positive, polite and friendly attitude. Why? Because this behavior is often misconstrued.

I wanted to tell the twitter friend, do you know what it feels like to be a woman? I wanted to tell him about the billions of times when my kindness and me being polite became a license to be hit on by men.

Exploiting kindness

So in very simple terms, I will discuss certain issues that I find many are facing at the moment but these are the things nobody discusses. Fair enough, there are millions of women out there and men who love the attention from the opposite sex or even the same sex and view any interaction as an opportunity to have fun.

Promiscuity is rife and standards are low

If you don’t bare it all then you considered prehistoric

The world is bombarded with free skin and promiscuity. Phrasing it very crudely, I would say the easiest thing these days is getting laid. Standards have dropped. So when someone is polite, it is automatically viewed as a come on by those who are used to such despicable behavior.

My mother’s advice

As a young girl, my mother taught me that one smile is all it takes for men to jump to the wrong conclusion. Being a friendly spirited young girl, I thought: “Geez mama, what are you talking about?” Emotional maturity came late to that tomboy. I really truly did not get what she meant. I did not know how boys and men think back then but now I do. As women, we are born with natural instincts that guide us. The key is to listen to your gut. When warning bells go off in your head about someone, go with it, trust your natural instincts. A woman automatically realizes who she is safe with and who is not safe to be around. This instinct needs to be honed in.

Drawing the line

Kindness and being polite has always been a part of my lifestyle. So the good question is where does one draw the line? How does one spot the difference between flirting and chivalry or kindness? Should you be selective about who you are friendly and kind to?

Best communication tips to deal with the opposite sex

  1. Keep the communication very simple.
  2. Don’t get personal
  3. Be polite but don’t say anything that doesn’t sound good to your own ears.
  4. Don’t make eye contact, look at the space just above the eyebrows when you speak to them.
  5. Watch your body language by keeping within your space physically.
  6. Practice not smiling and don’t show your teeth too much or laugh at anything they say especially if it makes you uncomfortable.
  7. Do the bare minimum to show politeness but be careful about oversharing,

Curiosity killed the cat

To satisfy your curiosity, I will inform you who the flowers were from and why my brother got so upset. The flowers were from that contractor old enough to be my father. Along with a ” Happy Birthday!” was a crude message scribbled in the card attached to the flowers which literally made me cringe out of disgust. Don’t you worry though, my brother dealt with that lecherous old man in the best possible way? I am sure that there are many conservative people who can relate to these issues too.

I certainly hope that my tips will assist you to overcome the above-mentioned issues. Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you communicate with the opposite sex to avoid this? As Muslim women and men, how do you deal with forward people? Please feel free to comment and add your views about this post.

Want To Know About Muslims And Ramadhan?

Welcoming Ramadhan To The City of Cape Town – South Africa

(Ramadhan-Month Of Fasting And Abstinence From Desires)

Almost a month before the arrival of the holy month of Ramadhan, the atmosphere among Muslim communities indicates some subtle changes, signaling the onset of one of the holiest months in the Muslim Calendar.

That feeling of anticipation and that craving for peace can be likened to awaiting the hug of a special guest. Ramadhan to each and every believing and practicing Muslim feels like this. It is a month of abundant mercy and blessings.

Ramadhan is not just another day for Muslims!

In many countries, Ramadhan is just another day like all others. In Muslim countries only, we find people making a big hoohah out of the fasting month. Wrong! Some cities and countries do acknowledge Ramadhan. Those who exist within these cities that welcome Ramadhan are indeed blessed. Cape Town, South Africa is one of those cities. Most people in this city are already so used to Muslims and their month of fasting, that you cannot get away easily with doing something un-islamic during this month. Everyone knows that it’s Ramadhan. Everyone knows that Muslims must be well behaved. Haha. Knowing about other religions is part of self-development. Don’t you just love those who know about Islam and are sweet about it?

Are you Ready?
The Month Of Mercy Is Almost Here?
I Just Can't Wait!
Sunset In The Mother City

Some people in Cape Town seem to know that they should not tempt you and eat in front of you. When I used to work in a corporate company, some time back, I had non-Muslim friends who would actually fast with me. This is how awesome it is to live here, in Cape Town!

Besides, every neighbor knows, Muslim or non-Muslim, that they will definitely be getting a plate of goodies come sunset. Respecting and understanding Islam and other religions means that you know about tolerance. It also means that you are working on your personal development.

How do we know its Ramadhan?

The sighting of the crescent moon, but off-course!

Did you know that Muslims follow an Islamic calendar and not the usual Gregorian Calendar? So you want to know the difference between a Gregorian calendar and an Islamic calendar?

 The lunar calendar is slightly behind the Gregorian calendar by a few days. (around ten days) 

The Islamic calendar is basically a lunar (moon) calendar.

Our year consists of twelve months and 354 days. It is called a Hijri calendar due to migration of the Prophet Muhammad s.a from Makkah to Madinah, Saudi Arabia. This calendar was inaugurated in the year 622 during the migration.

What Exactly Do Muslims Do In Ramadhan?

It is so simple.

We wake up way before the sun rises in order to have a small light breakfast. We call this breakfast suhoor or sehri. We do not eat or drink or engage in sexual intercourse or activities for the rest of the entire day, up until the sun sets. (Maghrib)

We pray an hour before the sun rises, a prayer called tahajjud. (We believe that the Lord of the universe listens to our requests and grants our wishes especially during certain hours. Prayers are guaranteed to be accepted.) We pray fajar just before the sun rises. This is our morning prayer after suhoor/sehri.

We abstain from all forms of sins while we fast. We also abstain from sexual intimacy, food and drink – not even water. We do this from dawn till dusk. We do this for one month continuously. This month is called Ramadhan. This is how Muslims fast.

We break our fast when the sun sets. We then pray our evening prayers called Maghrib, Esha and Taraweeh. We recite the holy Quraan during our prayers. One Quraan is completed during the taraweeh prayer and the 30 days of fasting in Ramadhan.

Sun Set In Mouille Point

Wow, you say… That sounds difficult!

To be quiet honest, it is not that difficult.

 Have you not heard of intermittent fasting and keto dieting?

Well..today after centuries and decades non-Muslims, are beginning to see the benefits and merits of fasting. Fasting was taught to us by our prophet Muhammad s.a hundreds of years ago. Also we recite bits of the quraan, one chapter a day thus, this how we complete the full and entire quraan within one month. So so so simple!

So yes, back to abstinence. It teaches us to control or desires. Abstinence differentiates us from animals. We all have desires, it is our natural instinct for human beings to have certain desires!

HOWEVER, as Muslims we tame and discipline our desires. Whether its food or intimacy, we are strong enough to refrain. Even our children of certain age and abilities, fast during this month, so why can’t any adult do it?

So You Want To Know What is The Purpose Of Ramadhan?

Have you ever played the game called Mario Brothers? Do you know that feeling of excitement that you get when you come across a mushroom which you bump only to reveal endless points?

Ramadhan is similar to this. It is the month to top up your blessings! However, it should not end there. Its purpose is to renew your faith. Its purpose is to form new spiritual habits.

It is a month to reflect, a month to bathe in humility and to forgo one’s desires. Ramadhan is a month to do a spiritual cleanse. It is a month to take stock of your life in order to try to change bad habits. Ramadhan is a month for repentance. It is a month to gain the mercy of one’s creator. Ramadhan is a month to attain taqwa (piety)

What is taqwa exactly?

 Taqwa means to abstain from that which your Lord and my Lord has prohibited. Ramadhan is there so that we can get close to our creator. Ultimately the month of Ramadhan is to get close to one’s creator through good deeds and abstinence.

Fasting is also a month in which we are one and the same with the poor people. We understand hunger and difficulty; we understand the pain and hunger pangs of those who are less fortunate. Our senses are dulled, and our levels of spirituality are at its peak.

Making The Most Of This Month – 20 Tips

Are All The Devils Locked Up?

  • Seek forgiveness from the ones your hurt and go into Ramadhan with a clean heart
  • Forgive the ones who hurt you and let things go
  • Start giving up bad habits two months before Ramadhan begins
  • Stop focussing on food preparations. Focus on your inner demons and how to tame them.
  • Keep reminding yourself about the essence of Ramadhan.
  • Eat healthily to keep your strength and stay hydrated
  • Rest and sleep for at least 20 minutes during the day, preferably after the midday prayer. This will prepare you for the evening prayers and Tahajjud. (Qiyaamul Lail)
  • Try not to engage in doing anything that will take you away from attaining the pleasure Allah swt
  • Speak less to avoid miscommunications, misunderstandings and arguments
  • After each prayer, recite your holy Quraan so that you will complete it on time
  • Ponder on the meaning and deeper interpretation of the holy Quraan as you read it
  • Do your prayers on time
  • Make fresh wudhu to avoid doubts
  • Do salawat and adhkaar while you are working, cooking, cleaning and even at work
  • Pray your taraweeh salaah and go to bed immediately afterwards – Don’t go scratching in the fridge or surfing online. You need your sleep!
  • Focus on your concentration in salaah and build your connection with Allah. Read slowly. Ponder on the words.
  • Constantly make istighfaar and ask Allah for forgiveness for everyone even your worst enemy. Pray for the Ummah, not just your sick nani (grandmother). Pray for everybody!
  • Give loads of charity, feed the poor with whatever you can afford – You don’t have to dish out gold coins. Give within your means
  • Avoid visiting people and places that will hinder your spiritual motivation – stay at home if you have wondering eyes. Rather visit ill people. You will earn reward,

Newsflash: If you think the shayateen(devils) are all gone, you are wrong. While the big shayateen are put to sleep temporarily..like wild rabid dogs, LOL, the other shayateen are not all locked up. Also, what about the devils within us? Our own nafs/desires?

If it was that easy to gain reward during this holy month, with absolutely little or no effort, the rewards would not be that huge. You have to make some effort too! What I am trying to say is, sometimes you and I are our own biggest enemy. That’s right! You are your worst enemy. Why? you ask.

Do I need to spell this out? Are you not a human being with desires and needs? Well, in that case you will still have a huge battle with your nafs if you have certain addictions such as addiction to t.v, women, cigarettes etc among other vices.

Have you ever searched online for some info and then suddenly a half-naked women pops up gyrating her hips to some jamming music?

Did you not find yourself wanting to sing along? If you are anything like me, you would rush to cover the screen and click the back button to get out of there, all the while screaming NO! NO! Noooooo!

Can you resist the next episode of your favorite series in order to listen to a lecture indstead?

 I thought so. This is why I have stated above, that you should avoid all distractions and focus on your relationship with your Lord.

Remember that this is not just about Ramadhan and trying to attain bonus points for just one month. You are doing a spiritual cleanse in order to revive your soul permanently.

What you do with sincerity during Ramadhan is usually what you keep with you throughout the year.

Conclusion And Grand Finale

Eid- The Greatest Day

The best part about Ramadhan is that every single person, good or bad, takes something back with them. Everybody including sinners, strive to reform and to use Ramadhan as their turning point.

We Muslims don’t just fast because we have to. We do it because we want to do it. We fast because we make a choice daliy, to be practicing Muslims because we absolutely love our creator and Islam!

Yes, there are some of us who only care about Eid clothes and fancy finger food and savories for Ramadhan. There are loads of women out there who start planning their Eid clothes and activities etc way before Ramadhan begins. I plan on visiting the mosque for Eid salaah. That’s my Eid goal.

Please people, don’t just share this day with people you know. Invite single Muslims and new Muslims into your home to celebrate Eid with you. Eid is about sharing yourself and your home. So many people have nobody to celebrate Eid with. Remember to focus on the bigger picture!

You must be surprised to hear that I dream of attending mosque on Eid day, as most Muslim women don’t usually attend mosque, right? Wrong! Our prophet Muhammad s. a encouraged women to attend the Eid prayers in Eid ghah (congregation).

There is huge and copious amounts of blessings in this. While others prefer to stay at home and doll themselves up for their partners etc and lay fancy tables.

I prefer going to the mosque for Eid salaah. My parting advice to all of you is to plan your day and prepare in advance so that you can attend Eid salaah in the morning. You really don’t know what you are missing out on if you do not attend mosque on Eid day.

That being said, I urge you to make the best of Ramadhan as we have no clue if we will ever get this blessed month again. So many people were here last year. So many people thought they would be here this year too.

So many people did not make it to this year. Life is short. Remember that. Ditch the grudges. Forgive and move on. Walk into Ramadhan with a clear soul and begin again! May Allah (God) accept all our fasts and prayers. Aameen.

How do you spend Ramadhan and Eid in your country? Please feel free to comment on your Ramadhan experiences.

Characteristics which women desire in men

The perfect man does not exist but real men do!
Men Who Make Our Heads Turnl

Almost every single day, I have some male or the other trying to approach me. There are friends trying to set me up. There is family who feels that my life is a perfect waste because I have no man by my side. I have friends within my circle who are happy and feel like their lives are perfectly put together. Having a man in their lives will only bring about unnecessary complications.

 I have been asked, what kind of a man would make my head turn in his direction, not that my opinion is thaaat important…eye roll…but this is what most women desire…

The perfect man does NOT exist but real men do. I know they exist and I have noticed how these honorable men treat their women and I have the utmost respect for them.

Ideal Man Or real Man!

                How Real Men Behave:

Confidence

Mature men live their lives with confidence in themselves and their abilities. They take risks and are not afraid of criticism nor are they afraid of having their ego’s slightly bruised.

Follow their own rules

While they respect other people’s opinions, thoughts and ideas, they follow their own rules and do not live their lives trying to please or impress others.

They treat women with respect

They understand that women have their strengths and weaknesses, fears and desires and they do not see women as competition. Women are viewed as equals mentally. They treat women with respect regardless of who she may be and what she does.

They are resilient

They don’t harbor resentment or hold on to grudges. They simply move on.

They are emotionally strong

Mature men do not allow people to bully them. They are assertive and remain cool and composed. They are positive and always look at the brighter side of life.

They are ambitious

They constantly seek ways to improve their own personal development and growth. You won’t hear them complaining about the sacrifices they had to make or the hard work involved in achieving their goals.

Mature men understand responsibility

They don’t see their jobs as boring. They understand that whether it is a job or a career, people depend on them.

Real men do not step back on their morals ethics, self-respect and integrity

 If it means being hard on someone, they will do it. Their morals and ethics are never compromised. Ever.

Good communication skills

Mature men, know how to communicate. They are easily able to convey their needs and no conversation is too difficult to hold.

Stimulated by intellect more than superficial beauty

Boys are intimidated by women who are mentally smarter than they are. Real men are stimulated by intellectual conversation.

They are sincere

Real men will compliment women only to uplift her, and not to get her into bed.

Support

Real men know how to provide support. They are not put off by women who have aspirations.

They have spiritual convictions and faith in a higher power

A real man has a strong set of beliefs that leads him in every decision he makes. Prayer and spirituality is something that comes easily to him.

They are-self sufficient and able to take care of their own basic needs

If there are no women to cook and clean, they won’t die from deprivation of a women’s touch in their lives.

This is just a condensed list of what women seek in men. Get this loud and clear! Women do not crave wealth, good looks and status. To put this to you very simply, some of us actually prefer men of substance and good character over those with flashy cars and the latest fade haircut. If you thought she wanted a part of your bank balance, you should know by now how very wrong you were.

10 WAYS TO MAKE A COME-BACK IN 2019 AFTER THE WORLD’S WORST BREAK-UP

THE PAST

If you broke up with your soul mate, it probably felt as if you survived Armageddon. Break-ups are not easy but you have overcome many challenges. Hey..take it easy on yourself. This too will be a challenge that you managed to conquer! Don’t stress yourself out over someone who is already laughing with other women, while you are living the life of a recluse and moping around. Is he worth your sanity? I don’t think so, my friend. Nothing is worth your peace of mind!

TIME TO SOAR

Tell me… how badly do you want that transformation? A little bit of creativity and a dose of sass is what you require for your personal development plan to work. I must warn you, though that positive thoughts alone will not set you free. You need to have an action plan. Before you get into that car and start moving, make sure that you not making any impulsive decisions based on a whim. It’s best that you carefully weigh your options first.

REACH AS HIGH AS YOU CAN

For some reason, breaks ups become a sort of renewal of our lives. Out with the old and in with the new is sometimes necessary for personal development. There are a billion lessons that you have probably learned from your break up by now. Those lessons are priceless. for your growth. You probably can’t even imagine being with someone else right now. One day though your pieces will be restored and glued together again. You will remember these days as the stepping stone to finding the one you supposed to be with forever. You will thank your creator for bringing you to the place that this will lead to.

NEW YEAR – NEW YOU

THE UPCOMING YEAR

I am going to give you that plan, now. Come on. Put a smile on that beautiful face! Promise yourself that 2019 will be the year you give yourself the time of your life. You have to promise me though, that you will focus on being positive. Eradicate any thoughts that weigh you down. Remember that it is normal to feel lonely and to also miss the person you once shared so much with. However dwelling on what went wrong and what could have been will just drown you in despair. Savour each moment of your freedom and enjoy your single life again!

GUESS WHO GOT THEIR SMILE BACK?!

Some tips:

10 Super Moves To Happiness

  1. Write down your new goals for each week along with ways of achieving them.
  2. Transform your appearance. Go for a small transformation. Join that Aqua Aerobics class now.  Start taking care of your body. Dress smartly and change your old image.
  3. Update your resume and apply for the course you have been meaning to do.
  4. Find new friends. Get a hobby. Join a group.
  5. Give back to society. Volunteer work is extremely rewarding and great for your self-esteem.  Join a soup kitchen.
  6. Declutter your home. Do those D.I.Y projects. Transform your space and redecorate.
  7. Pray. Be mindful of your actions. Take stock of your life. Take heed of the lessons you needed to learn.
  8. Create a gratitude journal and fill it with the little things that made you happy for the day.
  9. Save your money. Make wise investments. Soon you will have a lump sum to play with.
  10. Reconnect with your family and loved ones. There are many people who just want to see you happy.

Breakups are a normal part of life, as painful as they may be. However, if you make a pact with yourself to move forward, you can’t possibly go wrong! In no time, you will get your bounce back. You will realize that you have not thought about your ex for a long time. Your soul will feel lighter and you will attract people into your life. These people will be on the same level as you. Remember that a contented and happy soul will attract like-minded people to the new you. Your new lifestyle will bring you immense success. Do not give up or give in to depression and apathy. You are the only one who can put all your pieces back together again!

The Silent Killers That Everyone Hushes Up About…

Several Ways to Develop Your Empathy Levels Today!

When The Soul Cries Alone

Sudden Trauma

Some time back, a very close friend of mine, fell suddenly insanely ill, overnight. She ended up in ICU from her illness. It was a traumatic incident for everyone. We had to offer support because she is all alone in the world with a small network of friends. One day, some time later, at a dinner party, with a few mutual friends, somehow the topic about her illness came up.

Storm of all Storms

She literally cringed and denied the severity of her illness. We looked at each other in shock. We were the ones who took care of her. We knew the pain that she had endured. She sat in front of friends who loved her so much. She refused to admit her illness before our extended mutual friends.

Fake smiles

Physical and Mental Depletion

The discussion around the table as we dug deep into the sticky toffee pudding and ice cream, was about illness and how it can change your life overnight. In that moment I was so engrossed in my sticky toffee and the way the icy cold ice- cream blew my senses away that, I stopped dead in my tracks, at the cold silence in the room. I thought, wait what? What did I just hear? as I tried to undo the numbness in my brain from the ice cream, just to catch the last part of the conversation. As the silence echoed in the dining room, my mind was so engrossed in the sweetness of stuffing my face to hide the emotions, I felt at that moment.

Negativity

Down in the Dumps

I realized then and there that illness, whether mental or physical, has a certain negative connotation to it and people don’t like to discuss certain things and share, even if it means helping someone else. They would rather shut up about it and hide away for some reason.

Being a person who wears my heart on my sleeves, with ridiculous amounts of empathy, I understood her pain and I changed the topic to avoid her unease as a hostess. Today I am going to discuss illnesses. The silent killers that nobody wants to speak about. Today the emphasis is on society and their expectations.

 Losing your marbles

Emotionally Drained

If you lose a sense of who you are, if you become someone you are not due to illness, you are considered a wimp and weak. Society expects people to be fake and put on a strong hero persona.  What nobody tells you, is that it is normal to crumble when you are facing a life altering illness. It is not normal to be strong all the time. As human beings, it is okay to fail, to stumble, to fall, and it is okay to hit rock bottom! Yes you heard that right!

A lesson to everyone reading this. It is human to hit rock bottom. To go nuts, to fall and fail is human. You are not weak. Those that tell you that, are weak themselves because they stand on their high horses and point fingers. If they were in your shoes, they would end up far worse than you!

Did you take your off your head pills?

Mood Stabiliser

If you are fighting a mental illness, an auto-immune illness such as fibromyalgia, cancer, bipolar, M.S etc and you fall. You hit rock bottom and you do something uncharacteristic once in a lifetime, or in the case of mental illness, you do it often, do not berate yourself. I can tell you this much, you are fighting the greatest battle. Many have little or no emotional support because illness is negative. Nobody wants to be around anyone who is negative. Negativity rubs off and that is the reality of this life. Many don’t have the stomach to give support and many run away like cowards.

To all those who have never experienced a single illness, whether mental or physical and take their health for granted, learn the lessons which I want you to understand. My job as a writer is to create an awareness. If you have sympathy but empathy does not come easy to you then follow these steps to be a better person. You can walk in someone else’s shoes even if you have never even dreamed of the pain they encountered.

Empathy is part of self-development.

7 Ways To Grow Your Empathy Levels

  1. Remember something. Real empathy cannot be faked. It will show in the little things you do and do not do. People who ill are normally fine tuned to the things that others don’t notice so either you grow your empathy for real or don’t attempt it at all. Stick to sympathy.
  2. People with empathy will go all out for you whether they agree or disagree, whether they like you or dislike you. A person with sympathy will just do what is absolutely necessary as a human being.
  3. Reading between the lines comes easy to those with empathy. They hear the things that people don’t say. They see the silent tears even when your lips form a smile.
  4. One has to be mindful around people. One has to stop and really pay attention to notice things. A simple change in a person’s voice can detect exhaustion. While doctors are conditioned to search for telltale signs, not everyone is created equally empathetic.
  5. Stop. Imagine yourself in that person’s shoes. Empathy requires the utmost honesty to one’s self. If you know yourself, you will be able to understand others. How would you feel in such a situation? How would you react?
  6. According to David F. Swink on Psychology Today, cognitive empathy can be taught. He used the example of a hostage situation and how faking empathy eventually lead to real empathy. I agree that short term empathy can be faked. I must admit however, that for some of us, it is easy to see through the act.  Faking empathy for years may just eventually teach you real empathy and change your neurons. It all depends on your intentions, I suppose.
  7. A dear friend of mine, taught me that it is in the little things you do that proves your love for them. Doing little things with great love goes a long way. Even if you don’t love someone, you can take the time out to think of the little things that someone may appreciate. (Dedicated to Ayesha my friend, my sister. That biryani, stays in my mind for life, the sweetest way you packed it without me asking, those little gifts, the tears in your eyes, the way you hugged me and dropped everything when I needed you. Dedicated to the most thoughtful, sweetest, kindest, human being with loads of empathy!)

Show sincerity

So the next time your friend informs you about the severe pain she is in, please don’t tell her to change her diet. Don’t ask her if she took her medication. Don’t look at your depressed friend with demeaning eyes and say in your mind: “There you go again you nutjob! You just spoiled my oh so positive happy day!”  Stop and feel, not just with your heart but with your soul.

Feel their emotions

What would you want someone to tell you if you were in a similar situation? Another key issue to remember as David F. Swank has put it on psychology today website, is that this person is not you. This is a unique individual with a unique mind and body and the way they handle and view pain and trials is different from you. What you may easily endure, they may struggle to handle, whether trials or pain. When you are able to see things from the mind’s eye of another human being, that is when you will know that you have mastered the art of empathy.

Happy Endings – Does That Even Exist These Days?

Want To Know How To Keep him wrapped around your pinky finger for Life? Let Me Tell You What I Have Learned over the years!

Soon You Will Have Him Eating From Your Palms

(This is a two-part series that must be read to the end. I may just go on to the third part..or not…but hang around. It will be worth the read, trust me.)

I chose this topic because I am so tired of dishing out advice to clueless friends. I will now direct them to this blog and hope they don’t bug me any more. After all I am single, free and rather content with my lot in life. Don’t need any stress.

So…here goes…

Give Your Man These Three Things:

 
1. Respect, Respect, Respect!

2. Appreciation, Appreciation, Appreciation!

3. SEX, SEX SEX!

(Not in that particular order…take number three to the top depending on who you are married to…Laugh out loud)

I often hear about marriages ending because someone cheated. If it is not him, it is her. I have the best  news for you, ever!

Newsflash: You can keep the affections and love of the person you marry/married for the rest of your life. It is a given that there are loads of pathological liars and serial cheaters out there who don’t need a reason to cheat. They see. They like. They take.

Then, there are those that get fed – up of trying to save a hopeless marriage for so long and just give up, eventually. All it takes is one kind word, or one provocative female, or a little bit of attention and then years of happiness is destroyed instantly. This is no justification for cheating. It is a vile act, but it happens more than the amount of times the sun rises. Homes break!

To keep a marriage free from the evil of outsiders, you must follow some basic rules, male or female. These tips and tricks are mostly for females, though. If you are male and reading this please tell us what would work to revive a stagnant marriage, in your opinion.

Prevent His Eyes from Roaming

I must say that women need to wake up and play their roles as a wife. Stop complaining and start taking action, ladies. I know about marriage, I have been married. I know what men expect and want. I can easily tell you, with all honesty what you shouldn’t do. I can also easily tell you how you can lose a man in thirty days flat! Men cheat because their levels of imaan(faith) are non-existent.

Yes, I have been married, so I know these things. Now, this post is not about me at all. So, please stop that mind of yours from wondering about me and my life. This is about you. This post will show you how to get your groove back! This post may just help you to save your marriage.

All It Takes Is Patience And Certain Skills

However, I will add my disclaimer because me being me, and an ex- law student, I will put up my safety precautions…HAHA!

Someone might be at a dead end in their marriage, and use my tips right at the end and still fail. What I do not need is someone coming at me with a sledgehammer because the marriage skills I shared did not work for them.

So…I repeat, do not quote me when your husband asks you who taught you to do those things. Well, not unless he is happy with you, then you spread the word. I got it from Shamz and tell him to announce it too. There is a lady dishing out marriage advice online and guess what? It really works!

Your Smile Is The Fanciest Make – Over you Will Ever need

Do Yourself A Favour & Ditch the Sad Face

If you are a married women or man and you feel like your marriage is failing. Don’t drown in despair. There is still hope. I sat so many friends down, while they were crying and I was about to give them a piece of advice and you know what they said?

I have tried everything under the sun. Nothing works. You want to know what crossed my mind in that instant. Whoah…Is this how you tried everything? With such a negative mindset, you going to get nowhere. Look, I do understand that for those who have been in a marriage, almost forever, it feels like there is not much left to do to save your relationship.

I must say though that an upbeat and positive attitude is my first expectation from you, if you wish to follow my advice. It is understandable and perfectly normal to feel downright depressed when things are falling apart. However, it is only you who can pull yourself out from the rut you are stuck in.

Change Your Intentions

Allow Your Creator To Lead You Towards Your Fate

The first thing you need to do to fix yourself is to fix your intentions. What do you want from your marriage? Are you in it because being married is better than loneliness? Are you in it because you have children that need you? Are you in it because of your creator, the Lord of the Universe? Do you want to have a blessed marriage for the sake of Allah swt your Lord. Do you wish to grow spiritually? What does Islam say about your husband and how to treat him? What rights does your spouse have over you? Do you want real fulfillment? Do you prefer a life and marriage for Instagram that is oh so perfect, but dead and stagnant in reality?

If you do things with that mindset above, nothing else will matter to you. Why? For starters every action of yours will be done for the pleasure of your creator and thus, if your actions are not reciprocated you won’t feel like your world just fell apart. You will remain confident, because you will trust in your fate. You will trust in what was written in your destiny. Remember both good and bad, comes from Allah swt (GOD) A man who cheats has no real taqwa. A man who fears Allah swt will NEVER hurt a women and cheat and vice versa. Men with real taqwa, fear Allah and are good partners. The same applies to women. End of Story.

Love Bomb Yourself Honey, Before You Work On Him

Now that, we have cleared that aspect, let’s talk about you. If you are constantly feeling drained and listless, how are you going to put in any extra effort into saving your marriage? How are you going to be super-wife? You already know what I am going to say next, don’t you? Yeah, you guessed right! Self-care is super important! Enough sleep, exercise and healthy eating is your first step.

Without quiet time for yourself, you will get lost. So, find time to enjoy your life alone. Get to know yourself. Love yourself first. Your first love, should be yourself. Do something you used to love but gave up. Find a new hobby. Your first concern should be your mental, physical and emotional well-being. If you have your mental and physical health, you will be able to soar and thrive within your marriage. Happiness is contagious. Spread joy in your home through your own well being and peace of mind. You will be able to give back so much more because you are now so much more content. Sort that out and then we can talk…

Newly Weds Better Than Old Couples?

A Wedding And New Life Is Exciting

So, you want to be as happy as your first day of marriage? Unfortunately, that can’t happen. Back then you were newly weds. What this means is that marriage was a novelty. In time, all those lovey dovey cooing and  feelings got replaced by did you forget to take the trash out again? Also, for those who are happily married they will tell you that the marriage actually evolves and grows to the next stage.

Once you are familiar with each other you can’t go back to be being strangers, can you? While that was not what you wanted to hear. You should know that marriage can only get better despite all the ups and downs, trials and knocks. Yeah you heard right. It gets better. You reach a point of understanding because you eventually get to know your spouse and trust is built on a solid foundation. Working together to resolve problems is supposed to solidify you as a couple.

You faced the worst and you are still together, are you not? Rest assured that even though you are not where you want to be, the great news is that you are still married. You have not yet started to divide those assets, so honey, there is still time to save things.

Bring Back the Butterflies-Bring Back Those Intense Feelings

Revive Those Sparks

The problem is there are no sparks at this moment. If you re-invent yourself and make some changes, albeit small changes, you can cause huge ripples. First things first. My number one piece of advice to all women is. Never allow your husband to see you disheveled. You heard right. Lift your hands up if you are the type that looks wretched in the house but when you get into that car, you look like a super babe? Before you were married to him, would you be caught dead looking the way you do now, when you are lounging at home? If it was not good enough back then, it is not good enough now.

You may say we have had kids together. He has seen me at my worst.So??? Does that mean the maid should look better than you do? Ladies and gentlemen take pride in your appearance, personal grooming and personal hygiene. Don’t even bother buying fancy lingerie when you have a Tom Selleck mustache and your legs look like Godzilla’s. Don’t waste your money sister, if your confidence has slipped away either. Re -build your self esteem, before we go shopping at Madame Provocateur.

Happiness Comes With A Price

Some of you have perfect figures, perfect skin, but no dress sense, no sense of pride and don’t care about cleanliness. You smelled good, way back in those days. You didn’t lather on the babies bum cream for dry skin. You bought the best smelling lotions and potions. Your body was silky and smooth.

After having had babies we all have stretch marks, ugly scars and what not. Even your husband is not exactly a  re-incarnation of Ian Somerhaulder is he? He has aged too. Perhaps you have not noticed those grey specks on his hair or beard because you love him thaaaaat much. He is still your knight in shining armour regardless of the fact that he has aged a bit. So honey, trust me when I say this, the small efforts won’t go unnoticed…to be continued…