The Cost Of Beauty & Glamour- How Much is Too Much?

If an internationally acclaimed model was to give you make up tips you would more than likely take her advise than you would take mine. That being said I must add this. Internationally acclaimed models have a job to do and that is to sell a certain brand of make up to you. They don’t really care about your skincare routine or your recent blemishes and skin problems. What they care about is getting you to purchase and try everything new on the market right till your money is exhausted and your skin is way worst than you started off to begin with. Let’s face it, beauty trends are on the rise by the hour. Every day something new crops up on the market promising you flawless skin and what not…What do you do? Give In and try everything or stick to your preferred brand?

So, who’s word should you take? The influencers who get sponsored to put you into debt for something that doesn’t really suit your skin type but promises miracles overnight? I am no beauty expert, neither am I on anyone’s payroll. I am an ordinary woman in her late thirties who is not one to spend loads on unnecessary make-up.  However, like any women out there, I always want to look and feel good. Everyone knows that make up has that instant feel good affect from the moment it touches your skin.

The Big Question

Offcourse, I do wear make-up. In fact I love it! The big question though, is what sort of make up or beauty products are out there that can actually fix your flaws while enhancing your features without making you look like a ghastly made-up clown. Too many ladies become so obsessed with changing their appearance while utilizing make up. We don’t often realize that overdoing it actually spoils our natural beauty. I have met ladies who pile on the foundation when they don’t really need to. They end up looking like a delicious but nauseating birthday cake with too much of icing.

In my recent quest to find an authentic beauty brand that works for me, I met a remarkable lady. She changed my mind about those fake people who thrive on selling you products which you do not require! She has captured my interest by revealing specific products which have literally given me a few extra minutes in my day.

 To be quiet honest, as I was growing up, make up was the last thing of any concern to me. I was only allowed a minimum of kohl and lipstick. Me being me, I opted for bright red lipstick whether it suited my skin tone or not…eye-roll.. (Do you even blame me? This was all I was allowed as a teen.)

Covering Up Freckles And Flaws

Farsali

When I turned twenty one I became pretty self-conscious of my freckles. One night at a friend’s wedding, a make-up artist went to town with my face. It was the first time in my short life, in which I had been used as someone’s guinea pig. Surprisingly, I was pleased with the results. This expert whom I was in awe of, finally got rid of my freckles which I had always been self-conscious about. There I was shining in all my glory ready for as many photographs..as I could pose for.

However, a month after the wedding, upon careful scrutiny of those wedding photo’s I was appalled. Facing me was not me, but someone that barely looked like me. Whoever knows me will tell you that one thing I can never be is fake. Those fancy snaps made me look like a supermodel but to be honest I was way overdone. Instead of being thrilled about the results I was rather miffed. What was I thinking? I wondered as I stared at that album in amazement.

The Best  Beauty Products

Mario Badescu

To cut a long story short since that day, I have been searching for a product that lightly conceals my freckles without hiding them completely. Now that I am all grown up, I do love these freckles and realise what a shame it would be to cover up the one feature which distinguishes me from others.

Last year, a close personal friend on the Gram mentioned something about Farsali. Upon her recommendation I came across Mystic Beauty and seeing that her prices were fairly reasonable, I decided to give her products a go. Ever since I can recall, mom and I have always used Estee Lauder and Elizabeth Arden. For me to take a chance and try something new was really big. I needed something for highly sensitive skin that would not leave me with break-outs and scars.

Online Store That Won’t Rip You Off

We all know that online stores can be the biggest con artists. They usually promise one thing and deliver a completely different product. Some even sell fake products. At first, I was rather skeptical to invest my money in so called designer branded make-up. Regardless of my misgivings, I took the plunge and made my first purchase. Can you even imagine my absolute delight and pleasant surprise when I received my product the very same day? Not only that, I was one of the lucky ones because I received a 20% discount due to some promotion or the other.

My first product which I purchased from Mystic Beauty was Farsali Skintune Blur. I am absolutely in love with this product. After applying my moisturizer, as well as a few drops of Farsali – and this helps blur and diminish fine lines as well as freckles. (After thirty you will start to notice all these flaws) Since I have been using Farsali, on two separate occasions I was asked about the brand of my concealer. I smiled and I said: “I don’t have any on.” Nobody really believed this. It’s the truth though. I don’t really have problematic skin so Farsali is all I use before applying either some blusher or some eyeshadow and a light slather of lipstick. Farsali is not just a corrector but also works from within to improve skin conditions.

The Lady Behind The Famous Brands

Huda Lipsticks In Bold Colours To Choose From

The person I must thank for the easiest make-up routine and best beauty recommendations is Ayesha, the owner of Mystic Beauty. Mystic Beauty is a fabulous online beauty store that stocks amazing authentic branded beauty products as well as designer handbags. For one, Ayesha’s service and prices are excellent. Shopping online can be a breeze but the waiting period for delivery, now that is what works on my nerves. As you know by now already, patience is not my greatest virtue. What I also loved about the service I received is how she patiently and honestly advised me on each query and beauty product. While there are many retailers that stock some of the brands which Mystic beauty has on promotion, not many of those ladies out there actually give you honest advise and personalized service.

Ayesha took the time out to save me from purchasing cheap knock offs by explaining the difference between fake Huda products and the genuine items. If you are wondering about the owner of this chic online store, stick around…I will tell you a bit about her. After many calls, I was rather intrigued about the face behind the voice. Coincidently we bumped into each other at the gym one day. She was thrilled to finally meet one of her biggest customers. Wink…wink…

The Lady Behind The Store

So, who is Ayesha? She is a qualified dietician, mother to three little angels and wife to a Dental Surgeon. She resides in one of the leafy suburbs of the beautiful city of Cape Town. She is a coffee lover who enjoys gardening and reading among other things.  Her passion for make-up and beauty products has lead her to create an online beauty boutique which brings you amazing products directly from the U.K and U.S.A.

Make sure to remember one thing. When you purchase from Mystic Beauty, you are supporting a local store that is bringing authentic quality products right to the comfort of your home. At the click of a button, perhaps in a day or two or three, your beautifully packaged beauty product will be ready for you to use.

Best News – Designer Hand-Bags Now On Sale

Fiorelli

If you still here, then keep scrolling because I have got the best news for you, ever! Mystic Beauty has recently launched an array of designer handbags. The good news is that her prices are way less than you would pay at any store out there. I mean these are the real deal. Authentic branded designer bags at an affordable price!

If you are looking for personalized service and you want to meet the lady behind the famous brands, why not pop by at the Beauty Squad Expo this weekend? Mystic Beauty will be part of a beauty fair being hosted at the Radison Blu Hotel in Cape Town on the 26th of October 2019.

Wait for it…. I am also super excited because Ayesha has teamed up with an upcoming make-up artist. She will be there to advise you on recommended products for your unique skin type. She will also be ready to assist you with any current make-up blunders which you may be experiencing. Yes, that’s right! A real live make-up artist for your make-over. So why not join us for a fun-filled day of shopping? What are you waiting for?

 Purchase your tickets to the fair and grab your BFF…its time for some serious shopping!!!

The beauty Expo Of The Year

Time For Some Give Away’s

Now for the best part…If you are sitting in your corner of the world, and can’t make it to the fair, holy cow! (Competition open to South African’s only) You can still stand in line to win some of these mind- blowing products at the click of a button. Stop wondering what’s in it for you and get to Mystic Beauty’s Instagram page for more info. You can win an amazing list of the best beauty products and goodies…

(P.S Competition open to South African’s only)

How To Purchase A ticket To The Beauty Expo

Who Wouldn’t Want To Walk Away With These??

Its so simple…Click on the link  @beautysquadsa on Instagram. This will lead you to a page where you can purchase tickets to the expo.

Alternately if you wish to find out more about the products on sale at the beauty expo, why not visit Mystic Beauty online. You can also purchase your products from the comfort of your home.

Check out Mystic Beauty on Instagram @mystic_beauty.sa

What Your Mama Didn’t Tell You About Boys And Men??!

I have been beaten.

I have been broken.

I have been hurt by men.

Still I say this below…with utmost certainty…

Before you dive into this post….

I will tell you a tiny story…It is actually one of my experiences. Back in my city it rains torrents during Winter. One day, during the midst of a storm, something happened to me which altered my mindset.

On that dark and bitterly cold day, I was forced to visit the local shopping mall for some errand that just had to be done. As I was driving, my car hit a huge puddle and came to a dead halt, in the middle of a misty and busy road. Surprised and in a state of panic I tried to restart my car.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my window. I looked up startled and taken aback. Standing outside, rain dripping off his hair, was a really tall man who looked straight into my eyes. I assume that he had been driving beside me. This is probably how he noticed what had just happened with my car.

He stood outside while the wind howled and the rain poured on. I did not know him. Who is he, I wondered and what does he want? What was he trying to say to me? I tried really hard to decipher his gestures before I gave up and rolled down my windows slightly, in order to hear what he was trying to say to me.

Darkest Morning

He motioned for me to release my hand-brakes. He then shouted so I could hear him above the sound of the howling wind and downpour of rain: “Let me get you safely off the road. I am going to push your car there, he said as he pointed to the mall.

This man, this complete stranger who knew nothing about me, got out of his car on an icy cold rainy day, to push my car into the parking lot of the mall. He did not want another car to knock me from behind and cause a huge accident. While I sat in my warm car, he got out of his car and did this for a woman he did not even know.

While there are a million bad men raping, killing torturing, beating and breaking woman on a daily basis, there are a lot more good men out there! Do NOT forget this, ladies!

Yes, you heard right. I said it with my own mouth. I repeat…. There are good and decent men out there who are extraordinary!

Are You A Perfect Gentleman?

No, I am not on high from smoking weed!

Yes, I know what I am speaking about!

Every day you hear about men who beat the daylights out of women. Every twenty six seconds a woman is raped in South Africa. That’s correct! You heard right…every twenty six seconds!

Yet, here I am still standing up and saying this out of respect for that percentage of good men out there who raise the bar within society.

You don’t always hear about the good guys! They don’t always get the credit for their good deeds. These men…. they treat their woman-folk with silk woven gloves. They will love you, protect you, nurture you, grow you, push you, and never forsake you. They exist out there. I can honestly say they do!

For starters my father and brothers are good and decent. I can also produce a long list of names of many decent men. There are some who would sacrifice their lives in order to protect their woman.

If what I related to you above, is not chivalry, I don’t know what is. Recently a friend of mine became really ill and bed-ridden. Her husband left his high flying and high paying job to stay at home and take care of his wife. He could have hired a maid or a carer. He didn’t. He chose to take care of her with  his very own hands. It gave him pleasure to be by his wife’s side and be the one she could depend on.

My Father Is My Superhero

There are many loyal men. They are the superhero’s of society. They are unrelenting in their pursuit of love, kindness and mercy. They know their duties and its obvious that they were raised well. Some of these men will go all out to assist you if you need help. These men they fear their creator. They don’t shy away from their duties no matter what happens.

They Are Real Life hero’s

Its heartbreaking though, that they have to pay the price, for those men who create havoc within society. Honorable men are sometimes looked down upon because of other rotten apples.

Often we as women, we are so weary here in S.Africa, that we actually look at every man with accusing eyes that scream RAPIST!

So..ladies, let me say this and I want you to hear this and save it in your hard drive. If I could shout it out from rooftops I would say it. While really bad men, and I mean lunatics and sociopaths, they exist. The creeps of society, yeah they are out there. However, don’t rule out each and every single guy and categorize him as “BAD”

Do you know how many men are actually beaten by women? Do you know that they are too embarrassed to come forward and speak about it? Men are also abused on a daily basis by women. Emotional and physical abuse by women against good men is not rare. For this type of women, I have no names. I don’t even know what to call them. Such women who abuse the good and decent guys out there. They are absolutely despicable.

So ….before you go all out blaming every single man, and calling him names, just know this:

Good and decent men do exist. Just because your experiences lead you to rotten, ugly hearted beasts, it does not mean that all men are the same. This article is dedicated to every man who respects all women, regardless of who she is, where she came from and what she has done. It’s for those men who go all out to bring safety and comfort to each and every woman out there.

This blog was written for the superhero’s of society. If you have never raised your hand on a woman, defamed her, humiliated her, hurt her, forced yourself upon her, made fun of her or cheated on her. You are a real man. If you work hard, you remain loyal, you do not lie, cheat or abuse woman in any way then I salute you! Hats off to you!

Keep being the great guy that you are. Upon careful scrutiny, you will find that there are dozens and hundreds and thousands of women who actually truly do appreciate good men!

To the good guys reading this…

Thank you for being a real man and a perfect gentleman.

This one is for you. Dude, you rock!

Ladies, please share this for all those good guys out there to see!

Do you have a story to tell about chivalry?

Any of you experience unexpected kindness by a gentleman lately?

I would love to read about it!

Comments are open for your response…

This Is How You Prepare The Perfect Piece Of Steak

Succulent Juicy & Medium Rare

I don’t always share special recipes with just about anyone, but I have been inspired by my late aunt to do so. I know one thing for sure. When you share a recipe with someone, each time they create this signature dish, they will think of you, and maybe even pray for you.

Having grown up with a family of blockmen it is no secret that I am a full-blown meat lover. When it comes to steak, I can be hard to please. Any old rubbery steak won’t do. It has to either be a thick juicy piece of rump or proper soft, melt in your mouth fillet.

However, the thing with steak is that not everyone knows how to prepare it to perfection.

There is only one sure way to prepare steak. The pan needs to be extremely hot with pure butter.

 Now, many people like their steak well done, but I like mine medium rare and I don’t mind it rare as long as its not bloody. Being a typical Indian, my steak absolutely must not be bland.

There are some though who kill the actual taste of steak by over spicing it. I like a subtle hint of spices for extreme flavour.

Steak isn’t steak without a good quality Worcestershire sauce either. So if you want, you can stick around for a tried and tested fool proof method of creating the best tasting steak you have ever had the pleasure of tasting.

This Is How I Prepare It

I marinate the steak at least two hours in advance with a paste of ground ginger and garlic. To this I add some barbecue spice, pepper and ground coriander. You could add some chillie flakes if you want some extra heat. Sprinkle a dash of Worcestershire sauce and leave this to marinate for a bit.

When you add the meat to the pan, make sure that it is at room temperature so as not to cool off the hot frying pan. The pan needs to be rather hot with about a tablespoon of pure unsalted farm fresh butter. After the steak has cooked for about 2 minutes you can add a tablespoon or two of fresh cream, depending on how much of steak you have and how saucy you want it to be.

Allow this to cook for about two to 5 minutes on high heat, depending on your preference. Lastly season it with salt just before serving it.

Served With A Greek Salad

I swear, this is lip smackingly delicious!

Modern yet Modest

Beautiful Women

Sharing my services with the community

By no means is this an advertising platform. I am here to write and convey my journey of self-development to you. Part of self-development and being a good human being requires sharing your time, your heart and your being with others.

On this note, I have decided to assist entrepreneurs and small businesses at least once a month with marketing. This service which I offer is free of charge, and mostly to empower women to take charge of their lives. It does not actually matter who you are. Whether you are male or female, as long as your products are of a higher caliber, I will review them and choose whom I wish to feature on my blogs.

Online Boutique

Without further ado, I would like to present some of my favorite items to you. I have collaborated with an array of small online boutiques to bring you items which you may purchase for yourself this February, in light of self-love and self-development.

February month of love

Treat Yourself!

Modern and Modest

What you need to know is that you are a beautiful, courageous and a breathtakingly stunning human being, with or without a partner by your side. You deserve to spoil yourself, love yourself. Why wait your whole life for someone else to show you your value, when you can value yourself and know your own self-worth?! Purchase your own dress. Send yourself flowers if there is nobody to buy them for you. If you have a partner to spoil you then indeed you are blessed. I am certain that he will be bowled over by these outfits.

So let’s get down with it, right now…

Upcoming Designer

Do you know what Coco Chanel said about women?

She said: “ You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life!”

The lady I feature today, is an upcoming designer of modest clothes, in particular, streetwear that is unique, chic, sassy, classy and elegant. Well…I thought so….

When I was fourteen my mother sent me for fashion designing classes and bought me two machines of my own to use to create my own outfits. I guess my mother got tired of buying me all those fancy designer dresses. The honest to God truth is I love clothing, designing and creating a garment from scratch. However, I met my match when it comes to designing, or should I say, I have met a lady who truly surpasses me in her designing skills. It is the whole truth.

Hijaab Style

Hijaabi Queens

Here are some of her stunning and trendy hijab style items which I think have earned a special place of must-haves on my list. I have chosen a few favorites. I contacted her and after a brief conversation she was very responsive and permitted me to feature her lovely items.

Be Different

After careful scrutiny of the products, I was truly bowled over by the range and her show stoppers are truly to die for items. I bet your hangers in your cupboard are screaming out Rafia ’s brand name Modualapparel.  Can you resist these soft, flowy, distinct patterns and amazing designs draped loosely over you? These items are created with passion and the sort of creativity that I find rare.

Busy as a bee

Street Fashion

Young and Hip

These outfits were carefully put together in such a manner as to reduce the shape of your body and conceal more than revealing. They are, however, unique and eye-catching, with colors that every single woman covets. They are not just for Muslim women. Any women will feel like a princess when she models these outfits for her beloved family and friends. The aim is to introduce young women to the joys and pleasure of covering up while remaining part of the street style, street fashion, and street trends…

Lady in red

Formal and casual range

Everything is not always black and white

With two ranges to choose from, you will most certainly be spoiled for choice. What I loved about these garments is that their price range is not way over your budget as most Islamic wear is. Rafia’s range encompasses timeless beauty and elegance.  I guarantee, that most husbands with gheerah (mild possessiveness) will be relieved, stunned and pleasantly surprised when you adorn yourself with these lovely outfits. Priced between R750 to R950 for the casual range and R1200 to R2500 for the exclusive and smart range. I think these are a total steal! They are utterly unique which means that your frienemy won’t be caught wearing the same outfit as you.

Cool Summer Florals
Dress it up with heels
Bold and sasy
Teen image
Elegant Woman
Feminine and flowy

So here goes…

Rafia may be contacted via email: rafiah@zaraf.co.za

Alternately you may call her on +27820534665

Alternatively, check out her clothing line on Instagram @modualapparel

Rafia offers courier services.

She is based in Johannesburg, South Africa

Want To Know How Your Morning Routine Can Change Your Life Drastically?!

15 Fail Proof Ways To Kick Depression Out Of Your Life

A Diagnoses Is Not A Life Sentence

A few years ago, after a heart-wrenching experience, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. It took me one year to get my groove back and release myself from the icy cold grip of depression and anxiety.

Crying for days on end, not being able to get out of bed all in the quiet while hiding my feelings from loved ones with a smile plastered on my face, was the norm for me. Realizing that it was not going to be easy to get out of this miserable state, all on my own, I decided to get some help from a trusted therapist.

Because of Fibromyalgia I often suffered from sleepless nights. My G.P suggested the combined use of some sleep aids as well as anti-depressants. At first, I was highly reluctant. I will admit that I hate drugs of any sort. Whether it is prescribed by a doctor and really required or not. Swallowing tablets each day, to me is a tedious task. It’s not the bitter pills that get to me but the side-affects which I find to be tricky and challenging.

Short Term Happiness

My G.P suggested a certain medication which I finally decided to try. At first, I was thrilled because it made me lose some weight and seemed to suppress my appetite. After a short while, the affects started to weigh me down. It took three weeks for me to get out of the zombie-like state I was in. Three weeks later, after the initial phase, some of the short-term side-affects were wearing off.  I was feeling much better, but my weight started to pick up steadily among two other side-affects, particularly insomnia. I was so sleep deprived that I went as far as seven days with as little as five hours of sleep for the entire week.

Strong Resolve To Overcome Depression

You Have To Help Yourself!

I continued taking the medication for about six months. My fibromyalgia at that point had escalated and I suffered from carpel tunnel syndrome and severe pain in my hands, feet and back. Stress and heartbreak was tearing me apart. Although I resumed working I was still not entirely back to my normal cheerful, bubbly self. My doctor suggested that I try another anti-depressant which I declined. After the sixth month of continuous use, I decided to wean myself off the current anti-depressant I was on and the sleep aid. I was determined to fight depression and anxiety all on my own with the help of the Almighty.

Kicked the Habit

It took me another 2 months to get off the medication completely. I had nights and days of severe anxiety which returned with twice the kick and bite. I started crying again every single day for the next two months until one day, just like that the anxiety, the pain, heartache, hopelessness and the anger, all disappeared. Just like that, within a short period of time, I was now able to breathe and live again, not just exist, but actually start living and feeling much better than I had felt ever before.

If you wondering what I did to get to this point I am going to tell you, and then after that, I am going to leave it to you to decide how you are going to win your battle against depression and anxiety.

Healthy Mindset

The first thing I did was to alter my mindset. I stopped with the victim mentality and started with the warrior mindset. I went to war with my demons. I exorcised them by reminding myself of all the blessings which I have, to be grateful for. I repeatedly told myself that no matter what I do, my fate has been ordained by the Almighty. I cannot fight against my destiny.

Certain experiences were meant to happen due to the poor choices which I had made.  Also, If the Almighty did not want to deliver me from my trial, there is nothing that could change that. So, I prayed and prayed till the Almighty took notice and gave me the strength to fight for my life with everything I had. I felt like I had to stay stuck in a crazy situation that I did not ask for.  I had some major decisions ahead of me and a choice to make. I chose to fight against my depression and my own mind.

Damage Control

A Trusted Therapist Can Work Wonders If You Are Regular

So… I decided to do damage control to correct certain things in my life which took me away from who I really am. While there were still many answers which were missing, at some point I figured that I had to make a tough call and cop out of a sad situation. Let me tell you this, my decision angered many people. Still, I remained strong in my resolve to do everything in my life in the way Allah swt would be pleased with me. Still, I did not get my answers nor closure. There were days in which I felt like I would not make it.

I almost gave up my resolve and wanted to take my decision back. I came so close to doing this and then it took a major occurrence that opened my eyes to the reality of the situation. I felt very alone in this decision because everyone was upset with me including family members. I had to stand tall and be my own support, give myself courage and strength. There were two people who stuck by me through this ordeal and I will never forget those people for as long as I breathe.

Listed below are some of the ways in which I re-built my self-esteem and picked myself up. I got out from the deepest pit of darkness. I did it all on my own, and so can you!

Best Morning Routine Ever!

Meditation
  • No matter how difficult it may be, no matter what your experience the night before, wake up early in the morning. An hour before sunrise is perfect. Don’t allow yourself a lie in or a few minutes extra. When your eyes open, be thankful to the Almighty. Thank him immediately upon opening your eyes. Practice sincere gratitude for every single blessing which you have no matter how small it may seem.
  • Pray! Pray! Pray your 5 daily salaah! (FOR MUSLIMS) Tahajjud salah and reciting the holy Quraan each morning. meditation and reflection assisted me with dispelling my fears, worries and anxiety. I prayed as if I was talking to my trusted friend. Thereafter, I left everything entirely in the hands of the Almighty.
  • I constantly ask the Almighty for forgiveness in the form of (chants) adhkaar. I also recite specific gratitude prayers along with the prayer for serenity and patience.
  • Make your own bed before you leave your bedroom. Have a healthy breakfast. Begin working out an hour after you have eaten or immediately after your prayers and meditation. Exercise is essential for the cure of depression and anxiety. Even 15 minutes a day of high intensity exercise is sufficient for the start. Start small if you must but get your heart rate going.
  • Neaten your own space and declutter your living areas.
  • Write a list of things you wish to achieve for the day. Its vital to journal your weekly, monthly and yearly goals and plans. When you do this, you are actually putting out your wishes and intentions to the universe.
  • Meditate and do breathing exercises for stress release. This assists with anxiety. As you breathe in through your nose, recite ta-awwuz and tasmiya and put your hand on your tummy, then release your breathe, through your mouth. Imagine yourself in a place that brings you joy. Picture it as if you are there. Reflect on your inner thoughts and release all negativity.
  • If you are a Muslim and you are listening to Music. Stop! Certain songs have harmful effects on your mind through the words, especially when you are depressed.
  • Instead play ruqya and listen to the recitation of the holy Quraan. Contrary to what many believe Ruqya is not just a treatment for the harmful affects of jinn, but also a means to overcome depression and anxiety.
  • Use essential oils within your home. Sage leaves are excellent to burn and remove bad energy such as anxiety. Also use bukhoor and lobaan in your house. The smell is calming and excellent for depression as well. It clears bad energy.
  • Plan your meals so that you have healthy foods on hand, whenever you are stressed. Maintain a healthy diet free from processed foods and drink loads of water
  • Learn to not take things personally. Let things go. Keep your soul decluttered from thoughts that weigh you down. Think positively and in this way, you will attract positive experiences to your life. If there are toxic people surrounding you, let go of them and learn to disengage your mind and desensitize yourself to them
  • Invest in regular massages, cupping and therapy if you must. Find a trusted therapist who will be able to practice cognitive behavior therapy with you in order to teach you specific skills. These skills will assist with stress management.
  • Stop comparing your life to that of other’s. If social media is making you greedy and ungrateful, its best you keep your distance and find other ways to stimulate your mind. Develop new and meaningful hobbies which you are passionate about. Make new friends. Do not Isolate yourself. Spend your time outdoors and get some sunshine by enjoying nature.
  • Lighten up and laugh. Smile more often than you frown. Go out and do charity work. It brings immense satisfaction and also creates gratitude in your heart. You don’t need to have money to do charity work. Volunteer your time with causes which are dear to your heart.

Conclusion:

Contentment Find Its Way To Those Who Never Give Up

There is stigma attached to seeking therapy for depression and speaking about mental health. You should not allow uninformed opinions to sway you from seeking help for a condition that many people experience at some point in their lives. Its normal to have moments of sadness and even become depressed over life altering experiences.

However, dwelling in the past and staying depressed for a long time, is not okay. If you are in such a situation you must motivate yourself by making an active decision to take charge of your life. Infuse life into your own life. Don’t just breathe, start living again. Only you can help yourself and heal yourself! Have you suffered from depression lately? Are there remedies which you would like to share with us. I would love to hear your views and positive stories about how you conquered depression. Feel free to leave your comments. I promise to respond timeously.

10 Steps To Prevent Temper Tantrums:

I have had thousands of moments, where I have wished that I could slap the daylights out of people who cut me off on the road. If you know me well enough, you should know that I am not exactly the epitome of a perfectly behaved subservient Muslim woman. I throw tantrums when I am mad, and as much as I pray for patience, sometimes I just give in to anger.

I can be a total drama queen when I want to be. Everyone who knows me will tell you this. I am not exactly proud of these so called anger outbursts that I display..and I must add that it’s not often…but on occasion..after being thoroughly provoked..It does take a lot to get me going, but once I am mad, you better run for cover, because I am like a winded clock that won’t stop.

Can you relate to this? Do you see bloody murder each time you are provoked. People with anger issues suffer from the most guilt, atleast I do. I honestly hate hurting others. If you are anything like me, you will totally get this.

The good news is that you don’t have to guilt trip yourself anymore. The mistakes you committed from allowing your anger to control you can be a thing of the past. Yes, you can improve your character by learning some essential anger management skills. It is highly doable. In the next few paragraphs I will provide some fail proof techniques that have often worked for me.

As a Muslim, one of the worst traits to possess is anger. While the West perceives a passionate person as colorful, Islam frowns upon those who allow their anger to overtake them. In my quest to find my own solutions for my own personal development, I have stumbled upon prayers which have worked for me along with some cognitive skills to assist you.

One way to prevent yourself from responding to other peoples anger is to recognize the signs before it reaches boiling point.

Some Signs Of Agitation To Take Note Of In Others And Yourself:

  1. Respiration deepens
  2. Pupils dilate
  3. Feelings of extra warmth – perspiration
  4. Taking deeper breaths than usual
  5. Speaking faster and fast body movements and gesticulating
  6. Voice becomes louder
  7. Tense muscles
  8. Paleness of skin or skin color deepens
  9. Overthinking and becoming overtly suspicious

Something that stops angry responses in its tracks, is considering a person’s current experience and situation. Prior to responding with equally charged up aggression, to someone who directs their anger at you, you should stop and allow your empathy levels to take over instead of anger. Here is how you can do this. For starters consider why they are behaving in a certain way.

Spot The Source Of Anger:

  1. Over tired
  2. Over hungry
  3. Hormonal changes such as puberty, menstruation, childbirth, menopause
  4. Craving substances such as nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, or any drug
  5. On a high from over usage of certain drugs
  6. Suffering from acute pain
  7. Worn down from chronic pain

There are two ways in which anger may be portrayed:

  1. Passive Behavior – repression or denial of anger- associated with the flight response
  2. Aggressive Behavior – expressed physically or verbally to hurt others -fight response

How To Deal With Other Peoples Anger In an Assertive Manner?

  1. Transform your body into a relaxed physiological state through shallow breathing, tensing your body and thereafter carefully releasing and relaxing your body.
  2. Check your own body language and response to the anger.
  3. Maintain a suitable space between the person and stand closest to a route of exit in order to leave the scene should it become too heated.
  4. Acknowledge the persons feelings.:

Say: I can see that you are feeling rather agitated and I do understand why you would feel this way instead of saying stop being mad at me, what’s wrong with you?

  • Show them that you are listening by stating: I can see that you feel that this way.
  • Share your own feelings and fears. Eg: Your anger seems to be out of control at the moment and I am afraid that we are not going to find a solution at this rate.
  • Make a conciliatory gesture by offering a genuine apology
  • Make a statement of regret
  • Offer a compromise
  • Acknowledge the other person’s rights
  • Accept responsibility for your part in the problem
  • State clearly that you are hoping for a positive outcome
  • Express your wants and needs calmly yet persistently
  • Fog out the criticism. When you are criticized surprise them by agreeing to your mistakes
  • Agree with them. Speak calmly in a matter of fact tone and calmly state for eg: Perhaps I have been forgetful lately. You are right.

Tips For Those Of You Who Are Muslim:

The remedy for anger from Nabi Muhammad s. a is to sit if you are standing, to lie down if you are sitting and to calmly sip water and do wudhu, in order to placate your anger.

Why did the great prophet recommend this? Anger is from the devil. The devil is made from fire. Water subsides fires. Also when you are in an angry state shayateen easily access your body, thus you hear of cases where people become enraged and even end up committing murder. When you sit down you give jinn and shayateen the opportunity to leave your body.

Try to remember the words of Nabi Muhammad s. a when he stated that a person who exercise patience during an angry moment will attain jannah. (paradise)

One dua (prayer) which I often recite whenever I am angry is:

  1. Qul ya naaroo qoonee bar daw wa salaamun ala Ibraheem. This prayer is from the holy Quraan  and was recited by the prophet Ebraheem a.s when he was thrown in the fire.
  2. It is also recommended to recite ta-awwuz.
  3. After fajar salaah I usually recite Allahumma afrigh Alaina sabran, wa thabbit aq daa mana wan shurna alal qaw mil kaafireen.

Conclusion:

Most times people are faced with trying circumstances and anger is a natural response to certain trials. However, If you want to be able to live a stress free life in this world, it is essential to be able to deal with trying situations in a calm manner. Anger only serves to leave us resentful and eventually bitter.

If you are one of those people who tend to take life seriously and you are always walking around, ready to explode, then investing in some anger managing skills is vital. There are loads of online courses as well as reading material to assist you. If all else fails, seek therapy and or medical intervention, as there may be something underlying, beneath the anger that is causing you to behave in a certain way.

Beat the Stigma – 11 Tips to Being Happily Divorced

Let Them Wonder How You Can Still Be So Content

Overnight Changes

If you found this page, it can only mean one thing. You’re either about to take a nose-dive into divorce, or you are divorced already. Whether you are white, black, brown, grey or red, male or female, everyone knows that once you are divorced, you literally become a pariah overnight.

The Mighty Question Here Is:

 Should you suffer for deciding to opt out of your marriage?

You must know that staying in an unhappy marriage, may not be the best decision for everyone concerned. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that divorce is always the best option. I am saying that if you were in a situation where you were forced to walk away from the marriage, you should not be ashamed of your decision.

Your happiness does not depend on societies expectations. Hold your head up high. Its society that needs to curb their flapping tongues, but won’t.

Death Of A MArriage

Divorce Has Become A Trend

In Western countries, divorce seems to be a trend. It is nothing out of the ordinary for people to have experienced a failed marriage more than once. However, f you are sitting in a country like India, the stigma is even higher due to the lower percentage of the divorce rate.

Ultimately this is what it boils down to:

Moving on is not as difficult as dealing with society and how unforgiving they are. They will hold you hostage for using the get out card. It’s not as if you are not already beating yourself up over your flaws and mistakes.

 Brown Chick Problems

As a brown woman, I can tell you that there were times when I felt as if someone had slapped a red defective sticker on my forehead. Despite the surge of “broken homes” the obvious irony is that you will never be normal once you experience life as a divorced woman.

The fact remains that woman tend to bear the brunt way more than men do. Unless a man was known for his abusive, criminal or womanizing ways, the blame almost always falls directly on the woman’s head. What nobody will come out and say directly to your face is: You are a failure. However, this is how society categorizes divorced people.

Officially Pre – Owned

For most woman out there, it can feel as if your new marital status grants everyone the right to disfavor you. In fact, men see you as used goods. They regard you as desperate and freely available with a stale and chewy sticker attached to your forehead.

Hold on to your dignity. You are no criminal. You deserve respect and you will get it. If you have been feeling despondent, read on. The fat lady has not started singing as yet, so life isn’t over!

Great News

If you are standing at divorces door, feeling like there is very little hope for your future, my friend, I have got the best news for you ever! This feeling won’t last. If you follow these basic steps, you will find yourself in a better space and it won’t matter how society views you. In fact, if you take the time out to heal, the proper way, you are more than likely to grow and thrive. In order to get to that point, there are some things which you must do:

Reflect and Acknowledge Your Faults

Firstly, reflect and acknowledge your mistakes. Figure out what you could have done differently. Then forgive yourself. It takes two to salsa. You were not alone in the marriage, were you? No matter what you may have done or not done, if you want redemption, then you must be merciful to your own soul first. Remember that reflection is fundamental for self-growth.

No matter how serious the problem was you owe absolutely no justification nor explanation to anyone. It is nobody’s business! The more you say, the more they will find ways to mock your mistakes. Say nothing. One thing that shuts people up easily is if you say: I am not comfortable discussing this right now, sorry.

Two things happened to me when I got divorced. People who were once good friends, walked away. Then there were those who I was not very close to, who tried to gap into my life. If you wondering why, well…the juicy tidbits, gossip and updates, why else?

The one’s that left, escaped because I no longer fit into their idea of what an ideal family should look like. I was now a third-rate citizen. Why would they want to associate with me?

Ask For Help If You Can’t Cope Alone

11 Winning Tips:

  • Don’t feel shy to get help from a renowned and trusted therapist that you feel comfortable around. Find someone who is credible and experienced in this field.  A therapist is essential especially in an acrimonious, and turbulent situation. Therapists offer a guiding hand which is often priceless for personal growth.
  • Seek solace in a higher power, your creator. Prayer and meditation are the number one method of eliminating stress and finding relief for your pain.
Family Time Will Help Heal Each Other
  • Don’t isolate yourself. At some point you will have to reintegrate into society as a single person. You cannot hide from society. What you can do is start taking an interest in self-care. Remember that looking good works marvelously on your self esteem. When you look in the mirror your appearance should not depress you further.
  • You must heal your own soul. Nobody can fix your life. You only have the power to fix yourself and heal your heart. You don’t have to put on a happy act, but you can just be your normal self around others. Smile and let society wonder while you continue living graciously and mysteriously.
  • You couldn’t live together with your spouse but no matter how acrimonious things became, that person was once the love of your life. Have mercy on them. Be polite. You don’t have to bake them I am sorry cookies, just to make peace. However you can be decent and kind. Remember that whatever you are experiencing, they are too. Everyone doesn’t deal with pain in the same way. They may be hiding their emotions. Don’t for one second think that it does not affect them.
  • If you can get the assistance of an unbiased and independent arbitrator or lawyer to iron out the nitty gritty details, do that. You need peace of mind with regards to finances and visitation rights. Once all of this has been resolved, you will be able to take better care of your own heart and be there for your children.
  • Find things to do to occupy your mind. Play with your children if they are little. Engage with them fully. Act like a silly child and let your hair down. Their smiles are enough to bring your heart to life again. It’s okay to breathe and live. Life doesn’t end because the marriage ended.
  • Find a satisfying hobby or take up a course that will enrich you. This is excellent for your C.V and it is sure to boost your self-esteem. There are loads of free online courses so don’t say that you have no money.
  • Use the time when you are in iddah ( Muslims waiting period after divorce) to decide what you want to accomplish in life. Make new plans and set new goals.
  • Also, most importantly it is wise to develop a strong spiritual relationship with your creator. Remember this: No soul can provide peace in your turbulent heart, only YOUR CREATOR can bring that peace!

Conclusion:

The longer you were in the marriage, the longer it will take to heal. Nonetheless, if you get your priorities in order, you do not have to fear what others have to say about your life. Something to remember is that society will always find a new scapegoat to pick on. You can’t zip some mouths shut, or teach people how to treat you.

However, you can condition them. They will know what you will tolerate and what won’t work with you. Walk around like the queen or king that you are. Remember that your experience does not sanction abuse of any form. You walked out of your marriage for peace and happiness. You should not allow small minds to steal your freedom.

You may never change societies perceptions, but you can find ways to not allow negativity and stigma to rule the way you move forward. A personal development plan will empower you to gain clarity and provide inner strength for you to cope gracefully. Free your soul from all that weighs you down and take baby steps, one moment at a time, towards healing and contentment.

Do Bad Muslims Use Ramadhan As A Weight Loss Aid!?

Mindful Or Obsessive?

Do You Know What Is The Purpose Of Ramadhan?

I don’t know about you but each Ramadhan my focus is entirely on achieving the blessings of Allah. I mean, which believing and practicing Muslim doesn’t want to gain the full reward and blessings of Ramadhan? Extra ibadah & promises to Allah to stay steadfast for the rest of the year is all part of my Ramadhan routine.

Attain Taqwa

However, there is one thing I always promise myself not to do at the beginning of Ramadhan but end up doing it anyway. It often wreaks havoc with my conscience.

Are you wondering what I do? Allow me to snitch on myself! Allow me to reveal what most people do during Ramadhan. I start off with the best of intentions each year to eat healthily. I make a pact with myself to fast to the best of my abilities. I use Ramadhan to leverage my personal growth. I try to remember those who are less fortunate. I really do!

Your Heart Is At A High Risk
If You Don’t Curb Chotu, He Will Be Motu

The Dilemma We All Face

At the end of Ramadhan, the consequences of my actions are blatantly clear. It becomes obvious that I swallowed litres of haleem (Indian soup) and ate dozens of samoosas (Indian savoury). The problem is that I have at least two people in my family who live for Ramadhan goodies. If my discipline levels are low, I usually end up joining them on their gluttonous feast. I give in to temptations. Wait! I should stop blaming it on them! Do you also have the same problem as me?

 The big question is: “Can you dump Mr. Burger for Mr. Avocado“

How Strong Is Your Willpower?

 Iftaar Food Feasts Are Traditions & Not Religion!

Remember that savories and sweets during Ramadhan, is only a tradition. It occurs out of greed. It is not part of Islam. This unnecessary food becomes a pre-occupation during the day. It defeats the purpose of this month. Some people even watch cooking channels all day long. Poor salivating sadists. This is not allowed! Curb yourself my dear and beloved friend!

Healthy & Delicious

Are you are one of those people who end up fatter after Ramadhan? Read on for an ideal solution. The fact remains that our Nabi Muhammad (s.a) has taught us the etiquette of eating. A third for food. A third for water and a third for air. That is how we are supposed to eat. As long as you bare this in mind foremost!

For many reasons, it is a sin to over indulge in the consumption of food. Did you notice how difficult it is to bend in ruku, during salah? (prayer)

Develop Some Lifestyle Changes

  • Form New Habits. This year make a change by ditching the habits of the past!
  •  Plan your food consumption
  •  Plan your ibadah (prayer) in advance.
  • Develop discipline.  
  • Set goals in order to achieve those spiritual aspirations
  • Take care of your body – as prescribed by our prophet Muhammad s.a

Are You ready For Some Exciting News?

Whoever told you that you shouldn’t exercise while you are fasting has mislead you! If you previously had an exercise routine, you can still stick to that work out. You won’t train as strenuously, but there is nothing stopping you from doing light exercises. Your discipline levels don’t need to wane. Read On…

Work For It – Woman

I Just Found My Pot Of Gold Beneath That Rainbow (Read on…expert help is here!)

In my quest to source a reliable dietician who understands Islam and Ramadhan, I discovered an amazing fitness instructor. KhadijaK totally gets my requirements and time constraints.

Leading You To Your Dream Body

What Mrs K Had To Offer Me?

  • Her exercises are as short as 28 minutes.
  • What makes this fabulous is the app which simplifies your life in every way. Its all right there on your phone. Your diet, the number of workouts you participate in, even group support via chats, can all be found on the Khadija K app.
  • Here, you will find like- minded, health conscious people are also fasting. They also hoping for the full benefits of Ramadhan through extra ibadah and sincerity etc The only difference is that these people will not be stuffing their faces with fifty samoosas as soon as the Muazzin says Allahu Akbar. Instead you will be eating moderately. You will also be taking care of your body which is on loan to you. That is an act of worship in itself.
  • Sometimes all we need to become our best self, is a combination of a small shove in the right direction. Khadija K provides enough support to keep you and me inspired.

Are you wondering who on earth is KhadijaK?

Khadija is my go-to health person. She specializes in health, nutrition and fitness. With tons of impressive certificates to frame up on her office wall, I can assure you that I have thoroughly investigated her credentials. (Fitness – HFPA Advance Certificate In Fitness Science; Fitness & Nutrition Diploma from INTEC; GIBBS – Goldman Sachs-  Entrepreneurship; Swimming Level 1 & 2 – Baby Swim –  Swimming Special Populations Certificate) A woman with sass, class, strength and charisma, beauty and a mind to match. A true softie on the inside, aspiring to assist others to be their very best. This is KhadijaK!

This woman is a tough cookie to reckon with! Rest assured that she will get you LOSING! LOSING and LOSING some of that baby weight within a week.

Benefits of Choosing Khadija’s way:

Exercise Is Fun
  • Years of fitness experience and proven results make her a leader within the industry. Why would you even give any other fitness instructor a second look when Khadija is the ultimate expert in this field?
  • What stood out for me about Khadija? You can follow her diet and regimen from any part of the world, that’s right! Whether you in New York or London, India or Africa, Khadija K is the most sought after Muslim personal trainer out there!!
  • Nobody understands halaal and haram better than this woman. I kid you not!!!!
  • She also incorporates amazing, delicious and divine sunnah foods. (You must try out the fig bake and the mezze platter. Her talbinah recipe…aaaah I had better stop salivating. Khadija K will  make your tummy smile  gleefully. Satisfaction guaranteed!
  • She is extremely efficient and on the ball. Trust me I have tried and tested her out. If you dream about having a perfect figure, look no further.
  • Support and motivation from an expert in this field.
  • No expensive diet food – food that is already in your fridge.
Reaching For The Stars

So …..What is stopping you from regaining your self-esteem?

What is stopping you from clicking on the link NOW?

Coach Khadija K

You are not bad if you try to lose weight instead of eating mindlessly! As long as your primary purpose for Ramadhan is not weight loss. As long as your mindset  is geared towards the pleasure of Allah. So long as you gain Allah swt  mercy, blessings and forgiveness, that is what really matters. As long as you strengthen your self-awareness. Make sure to take your best habits with you when Ramadhan departs. 

As long as you get in all your ibadah and extra ibaadah.

Happily Ever After

Conclusion:

As long as you don’t spend hours on exercise and neglect your salaah! As long as you do NOT focus on weight loss primarily. Your diet and eating habits should be secondary! You should also be eating the way Nabi (s.a) recommended. You should not be over indulging as taught by our prophet. (s.a) As long as you follow the sunnah first you will NEVER go wrong! Your intentions MUST BE CLEAR!

This Ramadhan you will eat the way you were meant to eat. This year you will fast without any guilt.  You will gain proper benefits of this month spiritually and physically. Proper eating habits & exercise will grant you enough energy to do extra ibadah! In this way, you will stay focused on your spiritual goals.

How To Wrap Him Around Your Pinky?!

Want him to love you the way your first crush did?!
She has him eating from her palms

Take Control Of Your Marriage With 3 Essential Principles!

Happily ever after involve patience, patience and more patience!

The follow up to my previous blog ( Happy Endings Does That Even Exist These Days) is finally here…

Self Esteem & Self Care

I have recently come across an online coach saying that a happy marriage comes from loving one’s self and the ability to understand yourself first and your own needs.

I found that the primary emphasis these days is on self-love. If you love yourself, they say, then you can love all others. While I agree with this partially. It does not spin the wheels in my brain.

Yes, I do often remind ladies to take care of themselves. However, I feel that the West primarily accentuates self-love instead of focusing on the source of love first.  

I also feel like this happiness that this online coach speaks about, is bound to be shaky, as you cannot rely on self-love alone, to weather your storms.

Also, both partners need to have mutual marriage goals. If you are both not on the same track, brace yourself for a turbulent ride.

What happens if your partner still does not reciprocate all your heartfelt efforts? With all that self- love and your marriage still does not make it, then what?

I mean you can be the greatest beauty and as nice as you wish but without having a real and legitimate goal and purpose in your mind for the success of your marriage, it really won’t get very far! There is only one way to save your home…read on for more info…

Inside job

What Is The Key To Happiness In A Marriage?

Happiness is truly an inside job. You probably heard this line before.
It is finally time to start changing your outdated mindset. It is time for some good changes. What is real happiness, you want to know? Real happiness comes from the source of everything. Who is that source? Your creator!

Replace your old concepts about marriage with a fresh perspective and become inspired now.

Stop worrying and say YES to the wisdom I am sharing with you. For just five seconds, read and ponder this please.

Who is the source of love?  YOUR CREATOR. If you do everything for the right reasons and with the right intentions everything will simply fall into place. This is the honest to God truth, I swear! When I speak here, it is based on my experiences with life and love.

 Everyone who has ever had a broken heart will be able to attest to this and tell you this above. Who delivered you from heartbreak? The same ONE will certainly bring happiness to your marriage!

This brings me to the things that men need in a marriage and the best way to keep your man madly, insanely and crazily in love with you for the rest of your married life.

The list way below will grant you the fail-proof road to a successful marriage.

Remember this: When you understand your purpose in this world, self-love comes automatically but more importantly so does respect for others, particularly your husband.

Coming from someone who has loved and lost, I can honestly say that loving for all the wrong reasons won’t keep your marriage intact and whole.

Who’s The Boss?

Some people believe that marriage is a partnership. A fifty-fifty partnership. Marriage is a partnership to a degree and within limits. The fact remains that the man and the husband is the leader of the home and the king. We as women, have become so fat from the lies that the west and the media keep us entertained with. No matter how you look at it, men and women will never be the same!

 Men will always be the leaders within a household. This is not just because of their physical strength but because the Lord of the universe stated this in the holy Quraan. Even the bible speaks of a man as the leader of the household. “Men are protectors and maintainers of women and women are nurturers.” As stated in the holy Quraan. That tells you that we have different roles.

In every culture the man is the head of the household. While each partner brings certain things to the table, ultimately who is the boss? The man is! This is the first thing which you must understand as a woman.

Marriage can be compared to managing an enterprise. Something you already know as an adult is that the M.D (Managing director) of a company cannot do without his P.A.

She does almost everything for him. He manages the business and gives the orders.
The P.A (Personal Assistant) follows through with his instructions. In a marriage some decisions are for the husband alone to decide, while other decisions are made mutually.

That is the exact way a marriage and a home should also be managed.

If you want your man to eat from your palms, you must be the best secretary to him. Give him what he needs and wants first and then only will you gain all the perks!

Keep him happy to get all the perks

What do men need?

  1. Respect

Does it mean that he can walk all over you? Does respect mean, he can say: Jump! You say: How high? Hell No! There are limits. A man who loves you will never push you to your limits. So, what is respect and how should you respect your man?

How To Show Your man/husband Respect

  • Give up trying to control your husband
  • Receive what he gives you with kindness and thankfulness
  • Designate him as the minister of finance in your marriage
  • Focus on your own inner peace and contentment
  •  Respect how he thinks
  • Express your wants without feeling entitled to it

Conclusion:

If you are an independent woman, it is not always easy to surrender to a man. However, this is no ordinary man! This is the man who was chosen as your soulmate and partner. This man was chosen by the creator of love. This man was chosen for you by the Lord of the universe.  Follow these three basic principles of wisdom for a happy marriage.

The rest of my advice will follow in the next two blogs.

They won’t be in succession so you will have to look them up and read each one in succession in order to gain the full benefit!


What do you think are the essential elements in any marriage? Please feel free to comment about your marriage and what works/worked for you!

When chivalry or politeness is seen as flirting

A helping hand

Why has society created such a thin line between politeness/chivalry and flirting??

Friendly and Polite

A young student

Many years ago, my father owned a company that imported laminated flooring. Sometimes on busy days, I would try to earn extra pocket money and assist in the business whenever I could. I was a student at the age of 18. There was an older man about as old as my dad with children my age, who was one of our biggest clients. Often when the other salespeople were busy I used to assist him to choose colors for many of his projects as a contractor.

Happy Birthday to me!

Why I hate orchids?

On my 21st birthday, my parents were overseas. I was in the store assisting my older brother. It was such a pity to be working on my birthday but I knew nobody in this city at the time to celebrate with, not that my family was ever big on celebrating birthdays. So naturally, when I received the most beautiful bouquet of pink orchids, I was delighted.

There was no name on the card attached to it. Assuming that it was from my parents, I rushed to see what was written inside, in excitement. Mortified and completely embarrassed, I stood rooted to the spot. My older brother snatched the card from my trembling fingers. We investigated and tried calling the florist to find out the details of the sender.

Are you intrigued yet? Read on to find out who it was and why my brother became livid with anger.

Misunderstandings

I believe that there is a tremendous amount of wisdom in the cliche, “learn to read between the lines!” Many people both male and female lack communication and understanding and this leads to so much of problems. Often kindness is misread for something different. Let’s face it, in this harsh world, kindness is rare. So when someone is being nice, it is often viewed as flirting. (Scroll down for self- development tips and tricks.)

Price of politeness

Recently a Twitter friend mentioned that chivalry comes with a price. I had the words ready on the tip of my tongue to retaliate but I held myself back. As women, this is what we face daily. The worst combination to possess as a woman or man who is attractive and decent is a positive, polite and friendly attitude. Why? Because this behavior is often misconstrued.

I wanted to tell the twitter friend, do you know what it feels like to be a woman? I wanted to tell him about the billions of times when my kindness and me being polite became a license to be hit on by men.

Exploiting kindness

Promiscuity is rife and standards are low

So in very simple terms, I will discuss certain issues that I find many are facing at the moment but these are the things nobody discusses. Fair enough, there are millions of women out there and men who love the attention from the opposite sex or even the same sex and view any interaction as an opportunity to have fun.

The world is bombarded with free skin and promiscuity. Phrasing it very crudely, I would say the easiest thing these days is getting laid. Standards have dropped. So when someone is polite, it is automatically viewed as a come on by those who are used to such despicable behavior.

My mother’s advice

As a young girl, my mother taught me that one smile is all it takes for men to jump to the wrong conclusion. Being a friendly spirited young girl, I thought: “Geez mama, what are you talking about?” Emotional maturity came late to that tomboy. I really truly did not get what she meant. I did not know how boys and men think back then but now I do. As women, we are born with natural instincts that guide us. The key is to listen to your gut. When warning bells go off in your head about someone, go with it, trust your natural instincts. A woman automatically realizes who she is safe with and who is not safe to be around. This instinct needs to be honed in.

Drawing the line

Kindness and being polite has always been a part of my lifestyle. So the good question is where does one draw the line? How does one spot the difference between flirting and chivalry or kindness? Should you be selective about who you are friendly and kind to?

Best communication tips to deal with the opposite sex

  1. Keep the communication very simple.
  2. Don’t get personal
  3. Be polite but don’t say anything that doesn’t sound good to your own ears.
  4. Don’t make eye contact, look at the space just above the eyebrows when you speak to them.
  5. Watch your body language by keeping within your space physically.
  6. Practice not smiling and don’t show your teeth too much or laugh at anything they say especially if it makes you uncomfortable.
  7. Do the bare minimum to show politeness but be careful about oversharing,

Curiosity killed the cat

To satisfy your curiosity, I will inform you who the flowers were from and why my brother got so upset. The flowers were from that contractor old enough to be my father. Along with a ” Happy Birthday!” was a crude message scribbled in the card attached to the flowers which literally made me cringe out of disgust. Don’t you worry though, my brother dealt with that lecherous old man in the best possible way? I am sure that there are many conservative people who can relate to these issues too.

I certainly hope that my tips will assist you to overcome the above-mentioned issues. Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you communicate with the opposite sex to avoid this? As Muslim women and men, how do you deal with forward people? Please feel free to comment and add your views about this post.