By no means is this an advertising platform. I am here to write and convey my journey of self-development to you. Part of self-development and being a good human being requires sharing your time, your heart and your being with others.
On this note, I have decided to assist entrepreneurs and small businesses at least once a month with marketing. This service which I offer is free of charge, and mostly to empower women to take charge of their lives. It does not actually matter who you are. Whether you are male or female, as long as your products are of a higher caliber, I will review them and choose whom I wish to feature on my blogs.
Without further ado, I would like to present some of my favorite items to you. I have collaborated with an array of small online boutiques to bring you items which you may purchase for yourself this February, in light of self-love and self-development.
The lady I feature today, is an upcoming designer of modest clothes, in particular, streetwear that is unique, chic, sassy, classy and elegant. Well…I thought so….
When I was fourteen my mother sent me for fashion designing classes and bought me two machines of my own to use to create my own outfits. I guess my mother got tired of buying me all those fancy designer dresses. The honest to God truth is I love clothing, designing and creating a garment from scratch. However, I met my match when it comes to designing, or should I say, I have met a lady who truly surpasses me in her designing skills. It is the whole truth.
Here are some of her stunning and trendy hijab style items which I think have earned a special place of must-haves on my list. I have chosen a few favorites. I contacted her and after a brief conversation she was very responsive and permitted me to feature her lovely items.
15 Fail Proof Ways To Kick Depression Out Of Your Life
A Diagnoses Is Not A Life Sentence
A few years ago, after a heart-wrenching experience, I was
diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. It took me one year to
get my groove back and release myself from the icy cold grip of depression and
Crying for days on end, not being able to get out of bed all
in the quiet while hiding my feelings from loved ones with a smile plastered on
my face, was the norm for me. Realizing that it was not going to be easy to get
out of this miserable state, all on my own, I decided to get some help from a
Because of Fibromyalgia I often suffered from sleepless nights. My G.P suggested the combined use of some sleep aids as well as anti-depressants. At first, I was highly reluctant. I will admit that I hate drugs of any sort. Whether it is prescribed by a doctor and really required or not. Swallowing tablets each day, to me is a tedious task. It’s not the bitter pills that get to me but the side-affects which I find to be tricky and challenging.
Short Term Happiness
My G.P suggested a certain medication which I finally decided
to try. At first, I was thrilled because it made me lose some weight and seemed
to suppress my appetite. After a short while, the affects started to weigh me
down. It took three weeks for me to get out of the zombie-like state I was in. Three
weeks later, after the initial phase, some of the short-term side-affects were
wearing off. I was feeling much better,
but my weight started to pick up steadily among two other side-affects,
particularly insomnia. I was so sleep deprived that I went as far as seven days
with as little as five hours of sleep for the entire week.
Strong Resolve To Overcome Depression
I continued taking the medication for about six months. My fibromyalgia at that point had escalated and I suffered from carpel tunnel syndrome and severe pain in my hands, feet and back. Stress and heartbreak was tearing me apart. Although I resumed working I was still not entirely back to my normal cheerful, bubbly self. My doctor suggested that I try another anti-depressant which I declined. After the sixth month of continuous use, I decided to wean myself off the current anti-depressant I was on and the sleep aid. I was determined to fight depression and anxiety all on my own with the help of the Almighty.
It took me another 2 months to get off the medication
completely. I had nights and days of severe anxiety which returned with twice
the kick and bite. I started crying again every single day for the next two
months until one day, just like that the anxiety, the pain, heartache, hopelessness
and the anger, all disappeared. Just like that, within a short period of time,
I was now able to breathe and live again, not just exist, but actually start
living and feeling much better than I had felt ever before.
If you wondering what I did to get to this point I am going
to tell you, and then after that, I am going to leave it to you to decide how
you are going to win your battle against depression and anxiety.
The first thing I did was to alter my mindset. I stopped with the victim mentality and started with the warrior mindset. I went to war with my demons. I exorcised them by reminding myself of all the blessings which I have, to be grateful for. I repeatedly told myself that no matter what I do, my fate has been ordained by the Almighty. I cannot fight against my destiny.
Certain experiences were meant to happen due to the poor choices which I had made. Also, If the Almighty did not want to deliver me from my trial, there is nothing that could change that. So, I prayed and prayed till the Almighty took notice and gave me the strength to fight for my life with everything I had. I felt like I had to stay stuck in a crazy situation that I did not ask for. I had some major decisions ahead of me and a choice to make. I chose to fight against my depression and my own mind.
So… I decided to do damage control to correct certain things in my life which took me away from who I really am. While there were still many answers which were missing, at some point I figured that I had to make a tough call and cop out of a sad situation. Let me tell you this, my decision angered many people. Still, I remained strong in my resolve to do everything in my life in the way Allah swt would be pleased with me. Still, I did not get my answers nor closure. There were days in which I felt like I would not make it.
I almost gave up my resolve and wanted to take my decision back. I came so close to doing this and then it took a major occurrence that opened my eyes to the reality of the situation. I felt very alone in this decision because everyone was upset with me including family members. I had to stand tall and be my own support, give myself courage and strength. There were two people who stuck by me through this ordeal and I will never forget those people for as long as I breathe.
Listed below are some of the ways in which I re-built my self-esteem and picked myself up. I got out from the deepest pit of darkness. I did it all on my own, and so can you!
Best Morning Routine Ever!
No matter how difficult it may be, no matter what your experience the night before, wake up early in the morning. An hour before sunrise is perfect. Don’t allow yourself a lie in or a few minutes extra. When your eyes open, be thankful to the Almighty. Thank him immediately upon opening your eyes. Practice sincere gratitude for every single blessing which you have no matter how small it may seem.
Pray! Pray! Pray your 5 daily salaah! (FOR MUSLIMS) Tahajjud salah and reciting the holy Quraan each morning. meditation and reflection assisted me with dispelling my fears, worries and anxiety. I prayed as if I was talking to my trusted friend. Thereafter, I left everything entirely in the hands of the Almighty.
I constantly ask the Almighty for forgiveness in the form of (chants) adhkaar. I also recite specific gratitude prayers along with the prayer for serenity and patience.
Make your own bed before you leave your bedroom. Have a healthy breakfast. Begin working out an hour after you have eaten or immediately after your prayers and meditation. Exercise is essential for the cure of depression and anxiety. Even 15 minutes a day of high intensity exercise is sufficient for the start. Start small if you must but get your heart rate going.
Neaten your own space and declutter your living areas.
Write a list of things you wish to achieve for the day. Its vital to journal your weekly, monthly and yearly goals and plans. When you do this, you are actually putting out your wishes and intentions to the universe.
Meditate and do breathing exercises for stress release. This assists with anxiety. As you breathe in through your nose, recite ta-awwuz and tasmiya and put your hand on your tummy, then release your breathe, through your mouth. Imagine yourself in a place that brings you joy. Picture it as if you are there. Reflect on your inner thoughts and release all negativity.
If you are a Muslim and you are listening to Music. Stop! Certain songs have harmful effects on your mind through the words, especially when you are depressed.
Instead play ruqya and listen to the recitation of the holy Quraan. Contrary to what many believe Ruqya is not just a treatment for the harmful affects of jinn, but also a means to overcome depression and anxiety.
Use essential oils within your home. Sage leaves are excellent to burn and remove bad energy such as anxiety. Also use bukhoor and lobaan in your house. The smell is calming and excellent for depression as well. It clears bad energy.
Plan your meals so that you have healthy foods on hand, whenever you are stressed. Maintain a healthy diet free from processed foods and drink loads of water
Learn to not take things personally. Let things go. Keep your soul decluttered from thoughts that weigh you down. Think positively and in this way, you will attract positive experiences to your life. If there are toxic people surrounding you, let go of them and learn to disengage your mind and desensitize yourself to them
Invest in regular massages, cupping and therapy if you must. Find a trusted therapist who will be able to practice cognitive behavior therapy with you in order to teach you specific skills. These skills will assist with stress management.
Stop comparing your life to that of other’s. If social media is making you greedy and ungrateful, its best you keep your distance and find other ways to stimulate your mind. Develop new and meaningful hobbies which you are passionate about. Make new friends. Do not Isolate yourself. Spend your time outdoors and get some sunshine by enjoying nature.
Lighten up and laugh. Smile more often than you frown. Go out and do charity work. It brings immense satisfaction and also creates gratitude in your heart. You don’t need to have money to do charity work. Volunteer your time with causes which are dear to your heart.
There is stigma attached to seeking therapy for depression and speaking about mental health. You should not allow uninformed opinions to sway you from seeking help for a condition that many people experience at some point in their lives. Its normal to have moments of sadness and even become depressed over life altering experiences.
However, dwelling in the past and staying depressed for a long time, is not okay. If you are in such a situation you must motivate yourself by making an active decision to take charge of your life. Infuse life into your own life. Don’t just breathe, start living again. Only you can help yourself and heal yourself! Have you suffered from depression lately? Are there remedies which you would like to share with us. I would love to hear your views and positive stories about how you conquered depression. Feel free to leave your comments. I promise to respond timeously.
I have had thousands of moments, where I have wished that I could slap the daylights out of people who cut me off on the road. If you know me well enough, you should know that I am not exactly the epitome of a perfectly behaved subservient Muslim woman. I throw tantrums when I am mad, and as much as I pray for patience, sometimes I just give in to anger.
Can you relate to this? Do you see bloody murder each time you are provoked. People with anger issues suffer from the most guilt, atleast I do. I honestly hate hurting others. If you are anything like me, you will totally get this.
The good news is that you don’t have to guilt trip yourself anymore. The mistakes you committed from allowing your anger to control you can be a thing of the past. Yes, you can improve your character by learning some essential anger management skills. It is highly doable. In the next few paragraphs I will provide some fail proof techniques that have often worked for me.
As a Muslim, one of the worst traits to possess is anger. While the West perceives a passionate person as colorful, Islam frowns upon those who allow their anger to overtake them. In my quest to find my own solutions for my own personal development, I have stumbled upon prayers which have worked for me along with some cognitive skills to assist you.
One way to prevent yourself from responding to other peoples anger is to recognize the signs before it reaches boiling point.
Some Signs Of Agitation To Take Note Of In Others And Yourself:
Feelings of extra warmth – perspiration
Taking deeper breaths than usual
Speaking faster and fast body movements and
Voice becomes louder
Paleness of skin or skin color deepens
Overthinking and becoming overtly suspicious
Something that stops angry responses in its tracks, is considering a person’s current experience and situation. Prior to responding with equally charged up aggression, to someone who directs their anger at you, you should stop and allow your empathy levels to take over instead of anger. Here is how you can do this. For starters consider why they are behaving in a certain way.
Spot The Source Of Anger:
Hormonal changes such as puberty, menstruation,
Craving substances such as nicotine, alcohol,
caffeine, or any drug
On a high from over usage of certain drugs
Suffering from acute pain
Worn down from chronic pain
There are two ways in which anger may be portrayed:
Passive Behavior – repression or denial of
anger- associated with the flight response
Aggressive Behavior – expressed physically or
verbally to hurt others -fight response
How To Deal With Other Peoples Anger In an Assertive
Transform your body into a relaxed physiological
state through shallow breathing, tensing your body and thereafter carefully
releasing and relaxing your body.
Check your own body language and response to the
Maintain a suitable space between the person and
stand closest to a route of exit in order to leave the scene should it become
Show them that you are listening by stating: I can see that you feel that this way.
Share your own feelings and fears. Eg: Your anger seems to be out of control at the moment and I am afraid that we are not going to find a solution at this rate.
Make a conciliatory gesture by offering a genuine apology
Make a statement of regret
Offer a compromise
Acknowledge the other person’s rights
Accept responsibility for your part in the problem
State clearly that you are hoping for a positive outcome
Express your wants and needs calmly yet persistently
Fog out the criticism. When you are criticized surprise them by agreeing to your mistakes
Agree with them. Speak calmly in a matter of fact tone and calmly state for eg: Perhaps I have been forgetful lately. You are right.
TipsFor Those Of You Who Are Muslim:
The remedy for anger from Nabi Muhammad s. a is to sit if you are standing, to lie down if you are sitting and to calmly sip water and do wudhu, in order to placate your anger.
Why did the great prophet recommend this? Anger is from the devil. The devil is made from fire. Water subsides fires. Also when you are in an angry state shayateen easily access your body, thus you hear of cases where people become enraged and even end up committing murder. When you sit down you give jinn and shayateen the opportunity to leave your body.
Try to remember the words of Nabi Muhammad s. a when he stated that a person who exercise patience during an angry moment will attain jannah. (paradise)
One dua (prayer) which I often recite
whenever I am angry is:
Qul ya naaroo qoonee bar daw wa salaamun ala
Ibraheem. This prayer is from the holy Quraan and was recited by the prophet Ebraheem a.s
when he was thrown in the fire.
It is also recommended to recite ta-awwuz.
After fajar salaah I usually recite Allahumma
afrigh Alaina sabran, wa thabbit aq daa mana wan shurna alal qaw mil kaafireen.
Most times people are faced with trying circumstances and anger is a natural response to certain trials. However, If you want to be able to live a stress free life in this world, it is essential to be able to deal with trying situations in a calm manner. Anger only serves to leave us resentful and eventually bitter.
If you found this page, it can only mean one thing. You’re either about to take a nose-dive into divorce, or you are divorced already. Whether you are white, black, brown, grey or red, male or female, everyone knows that once you are divorced, you literally become a pariah overnight.
The Mighty Question Here
Should you suffer for deciding to opt out of your marriage?
You must know that staying in an unhappy marriage, may not be the best decision for everyone concerned. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that divorce is always the best option. I am saying that if you were in a situation where you were forced to walk away from the marriage, you should not be ashamed of your decision.
Your happiness does not depend on societies expectations. Hold your head up high. Its society that needs to curb their flapping tongues, but won’t.
Divorce Has Become A Trend
In Western countries, divorce seems to be a trend. It is nothing out of the ordinary for people to have experienced a failed marriage more than once. However, f you are sitting in a country like India, the stigma is even higher due to the lower percentage of the divorce rate.
As a brown woman, I can tell you that there were times when I felt as if someone had slapped a red defective sticker on my forehead. Despite the surge of “broken homes” the obvious irony is that you will never be normal once you experience life as a divorced woman.
The fact remains that woman tend to bear the brunt way more than men do. Unless a man was known for his abusive, criminal or womanizing ways, the blame almost always falls directly on the woman’s head. What nobody will come out and say directly to your face is: You are a failure. However, this is how society categorizes divorced people.
Officially Pre – Owned
For most woman out there, it can feel as if your new marital status grants everyone the right to disfavor you. In fact, men see you as used goods. They regard you as desperate and freely available with a stale and chewy sticker attached to your forehead.
Hold on to your dignity. You are no criminal. You deserve respect and you will get it. If you have been feeling despondent, read on. The fat lady has not started singing as yet, so life isn’t over!
If you are standing at divorces door, feeling like there is very little hope for your future, my friend, I have got the best news for you ever! This feeling won’t last. If you follow these basic steps, you will find yourself in a better space and it won’t matter how society views you. In fact, if you take the time out to heal, the proper way, you are more than likely to grow and thrive. In order to get to that point, there are some things which you must do:
Reflect and Acknowledge Your Faults
Firstly, reflect and acknowledge your mistakes. Figure out what you could have done differently. Then forgive yourself. It takes two to salsa. You were not alone in the marriage, were you? No matter what you may have done or not done, if you want redemption, then you must be merciful to your own soul first. Remember that reflection is fundamental for self-growth.
No matter how serious the problem was you owe absolutely no justification nor explanation to anyone. It is nobody’s business! The more you say, the more they will find ways to mock your mistakes. Say nothing. One thing that shuts people up easily is if you say: I am not comfortable discussing this right now, sorry.
Two things happened to me when I got divorced. People who
were once good friends, walked away. Then there were those who I was not very
close to, who tried to gap into my life. If you wondering why, well…the juicy
tidbits, gossip and updates, why else?
The one’s that left, escaped because I no longer fit into their idea of what an ideal family should look like. I was now a third-rate citizen. Why would they want to associate with me?
11 Winning Tips:
Don’t feel shy to get help from a renowned and trusted therapist that you feel comfortable around. Find someone who is credible and experienced in this field. A therapist is essential especially in an acrimonious, and turbulent situation. Therapists offer a guiding hand which is often priceless for personal growth.
Seek solace in a higher power, your creator.
Prayer and meditation are the number one method of eliminating stress and
finding relief for your pain.
Don’t isolate yourself. At some point you will have to reintegrate into society as a single person. You cannot hide from society. What you can do is start taking an interest in self-care. Remember that looking good works marvelously on your self esteem. When you look in the mirror your appearance should not depress you further.
You must heal your own soul. Nobody can fix your life. You only have the power to fix yourself and heal your heart. You don’t have to put on a happy act, but you can just be your normal self around others. Smile and let society wonder while you continue living graciously and mysteriously.
You couldn’t live together with your spouse but no matter how acrimonious things became, that person was once the love of your life. Have mercy on them. Be polite. You don’t have to bake them I am sorry cookies, just to make peace. However you can be decent and kind. Remember that whatever you are experiencing, they are too. Everyone doesn’t deal with pain in the same way. They may be hiding their emotions. Don’t for one second think that it does not affect them.
If you can get the assistance of an unbiased and independent arbitrator or lawyer to iron out the nitty gritty details, do that. You need peace of mind with regards to finances and visitation rights. Once all of this has been resolved, you will be able to take better care of your own heart and be there for your children.
Find things to do to occupy your mind. Play with
your children if they are little. Engage with them fully. Act like a silly
child and let your hair down. Their smiles are enough to bring your heart to
life again. It’s okay to breathe and live. Life doesn’t end because the
Find a satisfying hobby or take up a course that will enrich you. This is excellent for your C.V and it is sure to boost your self-esteem. There are loads of free online courses so don’t say that you have no money.
Use the time when you are in iddah ( Muslims waiting period after divorce) to decide what you want to accomplish in life. Make new plans and set new goals.
Also, most importantly it is wise to develop a strong spiritual relationship with your creator. Remember this: No soul can provide peace in your turbulent heart, only YOUR CREATOR can bring that peace!
The longer you were in the marriage, the longer it will take to heal. Nonetheless, if you get your priorities in order, you do not have to fear what others have to say about your life. Something to remember is that society will always find a new scapegoat to pick on. You can’t zip some mouths shut, or teach people how to treat you.
However, you can condition them. They will know what you will tolerate and what won’t work with you. Walk around like the queen or king that you are. Remember that your experience does not sanction abuse of any form. You walked out of your marriage for peace and happiness. You should not allow small minds to steal your freedom.
At the end of Ramadhan, the consequences of my actions are blatantly clear. It becomes obvious that I swallowed litres of haleem (Indian soup) and ate dozens of samoosas (Indian savoury). The problem is that I have at least two people in my family who live for Ramadhan goodies. If my discipline levels are low, I usually end up joining them on their gluttonous feast. I give in to temptations. Wait! I should stop blaming it on them! Do you also have the same problem as me?
Remember that savories and sweets during Ramadhan, is only a tradition. It occurs out of greed. It is not part of Islam. This unnecessary food becomes a pre-occupation during the day. It defeats the purpose of this month. Some people even watch cooking channels all day long. Poor salivating sadists. This is not allowed! Curb yourself my dear and beloved friend!
Are you are one of those people who end up fatter after Ramadhan? Read on for an ideal solution. The fact remains that our Nabi Muhammad (s.a) has taught us the etiquette of eating. A third for food. A third for water and a third for air. That is how we are supposed to eat. As long as you bare this in mind foremost!
For many reasons, it is a sin to over indulge in the consumption of food. Did you notice how difficult it is to bend in ruku, during salah? (prayer)
Develop Some Lifestyle Changes
Form New Habits. This year make a change by ditching the habits of the past!
Plan your food consumption
Plan your ibadah (prayer) in advance.
Set goals in order to achieve those spiritual aspirations
Take care of your body – as prescribed by our prophet Muhammad s.a
Are You ready For Some Exciting News?
Whoever told you that you shouldn’t exercise while you are fasting has mislead you! If you previously had an exercise routine, you can still stick to that work out. You won’t train as strenuously, but there is nothing stopping you from doing light exercises. Your discipline levels don’t need to wane. Read On…
I Just Found My Pot Of Gold Beneath That Rainbow (Read on…expert help is here!)
In my quest to source a reliable dietician who understands Islam and Ramadhan, I discovered an amazing fitness instructor. KhadijaK totally gets my requirements and time constraints.
What Mrs K Had To Offer Me?
Her exercises are as short as 28 minutes.
What makes this fabulous is the app which simplifies your life in every way. Its all right there on your phone. Your diet, the number of workouts you participate in, even group support via chats, can all be found on the Khadija K app.
Here, you will find like- minded, health conscious people are also fasting. They also hoping for the full benefits of Ramadhan through extra ibadah and sincerity etc The only difference is that these people will not be stuffing their faces with fifty samoosas as soon as the Muazzin says Allahu Akbar. Instead you will be eating moderately. You will also be taking care of your body which is on loan to you. That is an act of worship in itself.
Sometimes all we need to become our best self, is a combination of a small shove in the right direction. Khadija K provides enough support to keep you and me inspired.
Khadija is my go-to health person. She specializes in health, nutrition and fitness. With tons of impressive certificates to frame up on her office wall, I can assure you that I have thoroughly investigated her credentials. (Fitness – HFPA Advance Certificate In Fitness Science; Fitness & Nutrition Diploma from INTEC; GIBBS – Goldman Sachs- Entrepreneurship; Swimming Level 1 & 2 – Baby Swim – Swimming Special Populations Certificate) A woman with sass, class, strength and charisma, beauty and a mind to match. A true softie on the inside, aspiring to assist others to be their very best. This is KhadijaK!
This woman is a tough cookie to reckon with! Rest assured that she will get you LOSING! LOSING and LOSING some of that baby weight within a week.
Years of fitness experience and proven results make her a leader within the industry. Why would you even give any other fitness instructor a second look when Khadija is the ultimate expert in this field?
What stood out for me about Khadija? You can follow her diet and regimen from any part of the world, that’s right! Whether you in New York or London, India or Africa, Khadija K is the most sought after Muslim personal trainer out there!!
Nobody understands halaal and haram better than this woman. I kid you not!!!!
What is stopping you from clicking on the link NOW?
You are not bad if you try to lose weight instead of eating mindlessly! As long as your primary purpose for Ramadhan is not weight loss. As long as your mindset is geared towards the pleasure of Allah. So long as you gain Allah swt mercy, blessings and forgiveness, that is what really matters. As long as you strengthen your self-awareness. Make sure to take your best habits with you when Ramadhan departs.
As long as you don’t spend hours on exercise and neglect your salaah! As long as you do NOT focus on weight loss primarily. Your diet and eating habits should be secondary! You should also be eating the way Nabi (s.a) recommended. You should not be over indulging as taught by our prophet. (s.a) As long as you follow the sunnah first you will NEVER go wrong! Your intentions MUST BE CLEAR!
This Ramadhan you will eat the way you were meant to eat. This year you will fast without any guilt. You will gain proper benefits of this month spiritually and physically. Proper eating habits & exercise will grant you enough energy to do extra ibadah! In this way, you will stay focused on your spiritual goals.
Yes, I do often remind ladies to take care of themselves. However, I feel that the West primarily accentuates self-love instead of focusing on the source of love first.
I also feel like this happiness that this online coach speaks about, is bound to be shaky, as you cannot rely on self-love alone, to weather your storms.
Also, both partners need to have mutual marriage goals. If you are both not on the same track, brace yourself for a turbulent ride.
What happens if your partner still does not reciprocate all your heartfelt efforts? With all that self- love and your marriage still does not make it, then what?
I mean you can be the greatest beauty and as nice as you wish but without having a real and legitimate goal and purpose in your mind for the success of your marriage, it really won’t get very far! There is only one way to save your home…read on for more info…
What Is The Key To Happiness In A Marriage?
Happiness is truly an inside job. You probably heard this line before. It is finally time to start changing your outdated mindset. It is time for some good changes. What is real happiness, you want to know? Real happiness comes from the source of everything. Who is that source? Your creator!
Replace your old concepts about marriage with a fresh perspective and become inspired now.
Stop worrying and say YES to the wisdom I am sharing with you. For just five seconds, read and ponder this please.
Who is the source of love? YOUR CREATOR. If you do everything for the right reasons and with the right intentions everything will simply fall into place. This is the honest to God truth, I swear! When I speak here, it is based on my experiences with life and love.
Everyone who has ever had a broken heart will be able to attest to this and tell you this above. Who delivered you from heartbreak?The same ONE will certainly bring happiness to your marriage!
This brings me to the things that men need in a marriage and the best way to keep your man madly, insanely and crazily in love with you for the rest of your married life.
The list way below will grant you the fail-proof road to a successful marriage.
In every culture the man is the head of the household. While each partner brings certain things to the table, ultimately who is the boss? The man is! This is the first thing which you must understand as a woman.
Marriage can be compared to managing an enterprise. Something you already know as an adult is that the M.D (Managing director) of a company cannot do without his P.A.
She does almost everything for him. He manages the business and gives the orders. The P.A (Personal Assistant) follows through with his instructions. In a marriage some decisions are for the husband alone to decide, while other decisions are made mutually.
That is the exact way a marriage and a home should also be managed.
If you want your man to eat from your palms, you must be the best secretary to him. Give him what he needs and wants first and then only will you gain all the perks!
What do men need?
Does it mean that he can walk all over you? Does respect
mean, he can say: Jump! You say: How high? Hell No! There are limits. A man who
loves you will never push you to your limits. So, what is respect and how
should you respect your man?
How To Show Your man/husband Respect
up trying to control your husband
what he gives you with kindness and thankfulness
him as the minister of finance in your marriage
on your own inner peace and contentment
Respect how he thinks
your wants without feeling entitled to it
If you are an independent woman, it is not always easy to surrender to a man. However, this is no ordinary man! This is the man who was chosen as your soulmate and partner. This man was chosen by the creator of love. This man was chosen for you by the Lord of the universe. Follow these three basic principles of wisdom for a happy marriage.
The rest of my advice will follow in the next two blogs.
They won’t be in succession so you will have to look them up and read each one in succession in order to gain the full benefit!
What do you think are the essential elements in any marriage? Please feel free to comment about your marriage and what works/worked for you!
Many years ago, my father owned a company that imported laminated flooring. Sometimes on busy days, I would try to earn extra pocket money and assist in the business whenever I could. I was a student at the age of 18. There was an older man about as old as my dad with children my age, who was one of our biggest clients. Often when the other salespeople were busy I used to assist him to choose colors for many of his projects as a contractor.
There was no name on the card attached to it. Assuming that it was from my parents, I rushed to see what was written inside, in excitement. Mortified and completely embarrassed, I stood rooted to the spot. My older brother snatched the card from my trembling fingers. We investigated and tried calling the florist to find out the details of the sender.
Are you intrigued yet? Read on to find out who it was and why my brother became livid with anger.
I believe that there is a tremendous amount of wisdom in the cliche, “learn to read between the lines!” Many people both male and female lack communication and understanding and this leads to so much of problems. Often kindness is misread for something different. Let’s face it, in this harsh world, kindness is rare. So when someone is being nice, it is often viewed as flirting. (Scroll down for self- development tips and tricks.)
Price of politeness
Recently a Twitter friend mentioned that chivalry comes with a price. I had the words ready on the tip of my tongue to retaliate but I held myself back. As women, this is what we face daily. The worst combination to possess as a woman or man who is attractive and decent is a positive, polite and friendly attitude. Why? Because this behavior is often misconstrued.
I wanted to tell the twitter friend, do you know what it feels like to be a woman? I wanted to tell him about the billions of times when my kindness and me being polite became a license to be hit on by men.
As a young girl, my mother taught me that one smile is all it takes for men to jump to the wrong conclusion. Being a friendly spirited young girl, I thought: “Geez mama, what are you talking about?” Emotional maturity came late to that tomboy. I really truly did not get what she meant. I did not know how boys and men think back then but now I do. As women, we are born with natural instincts that guide us. The key is to listen to your gut. When warning bells go off in your head about someone, go with it, trust your natural instincts. A woman automatically realizes who she is safe with and who is not safe to be around. This instinct needs to be honed in.
Drawing the line
Kindness and being polite has always been a part of my lifestyle. So the good question is where does one draw the line? How does one spot the difference between flirting and chivalry or kindness? Should you be selective about who you are friendly and kind to?
Be polite but don’t say anything that doesn’t sound good to your own ears.
Don’t make eye contact, look at the space just above the eyebrows when you speak to them.
Watch your body language by keeping within your space physically.
Practice not smiling and don’t show your teeth too much or laugh at anything they say especially if it makes you uncomfortable.
Do the bare minimum to show politeness but be careful about oversharing,
Curiosity killed the cat
To satisfy your curiosity, I will inform you who the flowers were from and why my brother got so upset. The flowers were from that contractor old enough to be my father. Along with a ” Happy Birthday!” was a crude message scribbled in the card attached to the flowers which literally made me cringe out of disgust. Don’t you worry though, my brother dealt with that lecherous old man in the best possible way? I am sure that there are many conservative people who can relate to these issues too.
I certainly hope that my tips will assist you to overcome the above-mentioned issues. Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you communicate with the opposite sex to avoid this? As Muslim women and men, how do you deal with forward people? Please feel free to comment and add your views about this post.
Welcoming Ramadhan To The City of Cape Town – South Africa
(Ramadhan-Month Of Fasting And Abstinence From Desires)
Almost a month before the arrival of the holy month of Ramadhan, the atmosphere among Muslim communities indicates some subtle changes, signaling the onset of one of the holiest months in the Muslim Calendar.
In many countries, Ramadhan is just another day like all others. In Muslim countries only, we find people making a big hoohah out of the fasting month. Wrong! Some cities and countries do acknowledge Ramadhan. Those who exist within these cities that welcome Ramadhan are indeed blessed. Cape Town, South Africa is one of those cities. Most people in this city are already so used to Muslims and their month of fasting, that you cannot get away easily with doing something un-islamic during this month. Everyone knows that it’s Ramadhan. Everyone knows that Muslims must be well behaved. Haha. Knowing about other religions is part of self-development. Don’t you just love those who know about Islam and are sweet about it?
Some people in Cape Town seem to know that they should not tempt you and eat in front of you. When I used to work in a corporate company, some time back, I had non-Muslim friends who would actually fast with me. This is how awesome it is to live here, in Cape Town!
Besides, every neighbor knows, Muslim or non-Muslim, that they will definitely be getting a plate of goodies come sunset. Respecting and understanding Islam and other religions means that you know about tolerance. It also means that you are working on your personal development.
Did you know that Muslims follow an Islamic calendar and not the usual Gregorian Calendar? So you want to know the difference between a Gregorian calendar and an Islamic calendar?
lunar calendar is slightly behind the Gregorian calendar by a few days. (around
The Islamic calendar is basically a lunar
Our year consists of twelve months and 354 days. It is called a Hijri calendar due to migration of the Prophet Muhammad s.a from Makkah to Madinah, Saudi Arabia. This calendar was inaugurated in the year 622 during the migration.
We pray an hour before the sun rises, a prayer called tahajjud. (We believe that the Lord of the universe listens to our requests and grants our wishes especially during certain hours. Prayers are guaranteed to be accepted.) We pray fajar just before the sun rises. This is our morning prayer after suhoor/sehri.
We abstain from all forms of sins while we fast. We also abstain from sexual intimacy, food and drink – not even water. We do this from dawn till dusk. We do this for one month continuously. This month is called Ramadhan. This is how Muslims fast.
We break our fast when the sun sets. We then pray our evening prayers called Maghrib, Esha and Taraweeh. We recite the holy Quraan during our prayers. One Quraan is completed during the taraweeh prayer and the 30 days of fasting in Ramadhan.
Well..today after centuries and decades non-Muslims, are beginning to see the benefits and merits of fasting. Fasting was taught to us by our prophet Muhammad s.a hundreds of years ago. Also we recite bits of the quraan, one chapter a day thus, this how we complete the full and entire quraan within one month. So so so simple!
So yes, back to abstinence. It teaches us to control or desires. Abstinence differentiates us from animals. We all have desires, it is our natural instinct for human beings to have certain desires!
HOWEVER, as Muslims we tame and discipline our desires. Whether its food or intimacy, we are strong enough to refrain. Even our children of certain age and abilities, fast during this month, so why can’t any adult do it?
So You Want To Know What is The Purpose Of Ramadhan?
ever played the game called Mario Brothers? Do you know that feeling of
excitement that you get when you come across a mushroom which you bump only to
reveal endless points?
It is a month to reflect, a month to bathe in humility and to forgo one’s desires. Ramadhan is a month to do a spiritual cleanse. It is a month to take stock of your life in order to try to change bad habits. Ramadhan is a month for repentance. It is a month to gain the mercy of one’s creator. Ramadhan is a month to attain taqwa (piety)
What is taqwa exactly?
Taqwa means to
abstain from that which your Lord and my Lord has prohibited. Ramadhan is there
so that we can get close to our creator. Ultimately the month of Ramadhan is to
get close to one’s creator through good deeds and abstinence.
Fasting is also a month in which we are one and the same with the poor people. We understand hunger and difficulty; we understand the pain and hunger pangs of those who are less fortunate. Our senses are dulled, and our levels of spirituality are at its peak.
Making The Most Of This Month – 20 Tips
Are All The Devils Locked Up?
Seek forgiveness from the ones your hurt and go into Ramadhan with a clean heart
Forgive the ones who hurt you and let things go
Start giving up bad habits two months before Ramadhan begins
Stop focussing on food preparations. Focus on your inner demons and how to tame them.
Keep reminding yourself about the essence of Ramadhan.
Avoid visiting people and places that will hinder your spiritual motivation – stay at home if you have wondering eyes. Rather visit ill people. You will earn reward,
Newsflash: If you think the shayateen(devils) are all gone, you are wrong. While the big shayateen are put to sleep temporarily..like wild rabid dogs, LOL, the other shayateen are not all locked up. Also, what about the devils within us? Our own nafs/desires?
If it was that easy to gain reward during this holy month, with absolutely little or no effort, the rewards would not be that huge. You have to make some effort too! What I am trying to say is, sometimes you and I are our own biggest enemy. That’s right! You are your worst enemy. Why? you ask.
Do I need to spell this out? Are you not a human being with desires and needs? Well, in that case you will still have a huge battle with your nafs if you have certain addictions such as addiction to t.v, women, cigarettes etc among other vices.
Have you ever searched online for some info and then suddenly a half-naked women pops up gyrating her hips to some jamming music?
Did you not find yourself wanting to sing along? If you are anything like me, you would rush to cover the screen and click the back button to get out of there, all the while screaming NO! NO! Noooooo!
Can you resist the next episode of your favorite series in order to listen to a lecture indstead?
I thought so. This is why I have stated above,
that you should avoid all distractions and focus on your relationship with your
this is not just about Ramadhan and trying to attain bonus points for just one
month. You are doing a spiritual cleanse in order to revive your soul
do with sincerity during Ramadhan is usually what you keep with you throughout
Conclusion And Grand Finale
The best part about Ramadhan is that every single person, good or bad, takes something back with them. Everybody including sinners, strive to reform and to use Ramadhan as their turning point.
We Muslims don’t just fast because we have to. We do it because we want to do it. We fast because we make a choice daliy, to be practicing Muslims because we absolutely love our creator and Islam!
Please people, don’t just share this day with people you know. Invite single Muslims and new Muslims into your home to celebrate Eid with you. Eid is about sharing yourself and your home. So many people have nobody to celebrate Eid with. Remember to focus on the bigger picture!
There is huge and copious amounts of blessings in this. While others prefer to stay at home and doll themselves up for their partners etc and lay fancy tables.
I prefer going to the mosque for Eid salaah. My parting advice to all of you is to plan your day and prepare in advance so that you can attend Eid salaah in the morning. You really don’t know what you are missing out on if you do not attend mosque on Eid day.
So many people did not make it to this year. Life is short. Remember that. Ditch the grudges. Forgive and move on. Walk into Ramadhan with a clear soul and begin again! May Allah (God) accept all our fasts and prayers. Aameen.
How do you spend Ramadhan and Eid in your country? Please feel free to comment on your Ramadhan experiences.
Almost every single day, I have some male or the other trying to approach me. There are friends trying to set me up. There is family who feels that my life is a perfect waste because I have no man by my side. I have friends within my circle who are happy and feel like their lives are perfectly put together. Having a man in their lives will only bring about unnecessary complications.
I have been asked, what kind of a man would make my head turn in his direction, not that my opinion is thaaat important…eye roll…but this is what most women desire…
The perfect man does NOT exist but real men do. I know they exist and I have noticed how these honorable men treat their women and I have the utmost respect for them.
How Real Men Behave:
Mature men live their lives with confidence in themselves and their abilities. They take risks and are not afraid of criticism nor are they afraid of having their ego’s slightly bruised.
Follow their own rules
While they respect other people’s opinions, thoughts and ideas, they follow their own rules and do not live their lives trying to please or impress others.
They treat women with respect
They understand that women have their strengths and weaknesses, fears and desires and they do not see women as competition. Women are viewed as equals mentally. They treat women with respect regardless of who she may be and what she does.
They are resilient
They don’t harbor resentment or hold on to grudges. They simply move
Mature men do not allow people to bully them. They are assertive and remain cool and composed. They are positive and always look at the brighter side of life.
They are ambitious
They constantly seek ways to improve their own personal development and growth. You won’t hear them complaining about the sacrifices they had to make or the hard work involved in achieving their goals.
Mature men understand responsibility
They don’t see their jobs as boring. They understand that whether it is a job or a career, people depend on them.
Real men do not step back on their morals ethics, self-respect and integrity
If it means being hard on someone, they will do it. Their morals and ethics are never compromised. Ever.
Good communication skills
Mature men, know how to communicate. They are easily able to convey their needs and no conversation is too difficult to hold.
Stimulated by intellect more than superficial beauty
Boys are intimidated by women who are mentally smarter than they are. Real men are stimulated by intellectual conversation.
They are sincere
Real men will compliment women only to uplift her, and not to get her into bed.
Real men know how to provide support. They are not put off by women who have aspirations.
They have spiritual convictions and faith in a higher power
A real man has a strong set of beliefs that leads him in every decision he makes. Prayer and spirituality is something that comes easily to him.
They are-self sufficient and able to take care of their own basic needs
If there are no women to cook and clean, they won’t die from deprivation of a women’s touch in their lives.
This is just a condensed list of what women seek in men. Get this loud and clear! Women do not crave wealth, good looks and status. To put this to you very simply, some of us actually prefer men of substance and good character over those with flashy cars and the latest fade haircut. If you thought she wanted a part of your bank balance, you should know by now how very wrong you were.
If you broke up with your soul mate, it probably felt as if you survived Armageddon. Break-ups are not easy but you have overcome many challenges. Hey..take it easy on yourself. This too will be a challenge that you managed to conquer! Don’t stress yourself out over someone who is already laughing with other women, while you are living the life of a recluse and moping around. Is he worth your sanity? I don’t think so, my friend. Nothing is worth your peace of mind!
Tell me… how badly do you want that transformation? A little bit of creativity and a dose of sass is what you require for your personal development plan to work. I must warn you, though that positive thoughts alone will not set you free. You need to have an action plan. Before you get into that car and start moving, make sure that you not making any impulsive decisions based on a whim. It’s best that you carefully weigh your options first.
For some reason, breaks ups become a sort of renewal of our lives. Out with the old and in with the new is sometimes necessary for personal development. There are a billion lessons that you have probably learned from your break up by now. Those lessons are priceless. for your growth. You probably can’t even imagine being with someone else right now. One day though your pieces will be restored and glued together again. You will remember these days as the stepping stone to finding the one you supposed to be with forever. You will thank your creator for bringing you to the place that this will lead to.
Create a gratitude journal and fill it with the little things that made you happy for the day.
Save your money. Make wise investments. Soon you will have a lump sum to play with.
Reconnect with your family and loved ones. There are many people who just want to see you happy.
Breakups are a normal part of life, as painful as they may be. However, if you make a pact with yourself to move forward, you can’t possibly go wrong! In no time, you will get your bounce back. You will realize that you have not thought about your ex for a long time. Your soul will feel lighter and you will attract people into your life. These people will be on the same level as you. Remember that a contented and happy soul will attract like-minded people to the new you. Your new lifestyle will bring you immense success. Do not give up or give in to depression and apathy. You are the only one who can put all your pieces back together again!