10 Steps To Prevent Temper Tantrums:

I have had thousands of moments, where I have wished that I could slap the daylights out of people who cut me off on the road. If you know me well enough, you should know that I am not exactly the epitome of a perfectly behaved subservient Muslim woman. I throw tantrums when I am mad, and as much as I pray for patience, sometimes I just give in to anger.

I can be a total drama queen when I want to be. Everyone who knows me will tell you this. I am not exactly proud of these so called anger outbursts that I display..and I must add that it’s not often…but on occasion..after being thoroughly provoked..It does take a lot to get me going, but once I am mad, you better run for cover, because I am like a winded clock that won’t stop.

Can you relate to this? Do you see bloody murder each time you are provoked. People with anger issues suffer from the most guilt, atleast I do. I honestly hate hurting others. If you are anything like me, you will totally get this.

The good news is that you don’t have to guilt trip yourself anymore. The mistakes you committed from allowing your anger to control you can be a thing of the past. Yes, you can improve your character by learning some essential anger management skills. It is highly doable. In the next few paragraphs I will provide some fail proof techniques that have often worked for me.

As a Muslim, one of the worst traits to possess is anger. While the West perceives a passionate person as colorful, Islam frowns upon those who allow their anger to overtake them. In my quest to find my own solutions for my own personal development, I have stumbled upon prayers which have worked for me along with some cognitive skills to assist you.

One way to prevent yourself from responding to other peoples anger is to recognize the signs before it reaches boiling point.

Some Signs Of Agitation To Take Note Of In Others And Yourself:

  1. Respiration deepens
  2. Pupils dilate
  3. Feelings of extra warmth – perspiration
  4. Taking deeper breaths than usual
  5. Speaking faster and fast body movements and gesticulating
  6. Voice becomes louder
  7. Tense muscles
  8. Paleness of skin or skin color deepens
  9. Overthinking and becoming overtly suspicious

Something that stops angry responses in its tracks, is considering a person’s current experience and situation. Prior to responding with equally charged up aggression, to someone who directs their anger at you, you should stop and allow your empathy levels to take over instead of anger. Here is how you can do this. For starters consider why they are behaving in a certain way.

Spot The Source Of Anger:

  1. Over tired
  2. Over hungry
  3. Hormonal changes such as puberty, menstruation, childbirth, menopause
  4. Craving substances such as nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, or any drug
  5. On a high from over usage of certain drugs
  6. Suffering from acute pain
  7. Worn down from chronic pain

There are two ways in which anger may be portrayed:

  1. Passive Behavior – repression or denial of anger- associated with the flight response
  2. Aggressive Behavior – expressed physically or verbally to hurt others -fight response

How To Deal With Other Peoples Anger In an Assertive Manner?

  1. Transform your body into a relaxed physiological state through shallow breathing, tensing your body and thereafter carefully releasing and relaxing your body.
  2. Check your own body language and response to the anger.
  3. Maintain a suitable space between the person and stand closest to a route of exit in order to leave the scene should it become too heated.
  4. Acknowledge the persons feelings.:

Say: I can see that you are feeling rather agitated and I do understand why you would feel this way instead of saying stop being mad at me, what’s wrong with you?

  • Show them that you are listening by stating: I can see that you feel that this way.
  • Share your own feelings and fears. Eg: Your anger seems to be out of control at the moment and I am afraid that we are not going to find a solution at this rate.
  • Make a conciliatory gesture by offering a genuine apology
  • Make a statement of regret
  • Offer a compromise
  • Acknowledge the other person’s rights
  • Accept responsibility for your part in the problem
  • State clearly that you are hoping for a positive outcome
  • Express your wants and needs calmly yet persistently
  • Fog out the criticism. When you are criticized surprise them by agreeing to your mistakes
  • Agree with them. Speak calmly in a matter of fact tone and calmly state for eg: Perhaps I have been forgetful lately. You are right.

Tips For Those Of You Who Are Muslim:

The remedy for anger from Nabi Muhammad s. a is to sit if you are standing, to lie down if you are sitting and to calmly sip water and do wudhu, in order to placate your anger.

Why did the great prophet recommend this? Anger is from the devil. The devil is made from fire. Water subsides fires. Also when you are in an angry state shayateen easily access your body, thus you hear of cases where people become enraged and even end up committing murder. When you sit down you give jinn and shayateen the opportunity to leave your body.

Try to remember the words of Nabi Muhammad s. a when he stated that a person who exercise patience during an angry moment will attain jannah. (paradise)

One dua (prayer) which I often recite whenever I am angry is:

  1. Qul ya naaroo qoonee bar daw wa salaamun ala Ibraheem. This prayer is from the holy Quraan  and was recited by the prophet Ebraheem a.s when he was thrown in the fire.
  2. It is also recommended to recite ta-awwuz.
  3. After fajar salaah I usually recite Allahumma afrigh Alaina sabran, wa thabbit aq daa mana wan shurna alal qaw mil kaafireen.

Conclusion:

Most times people are faced with trying circumstances and anger is a natural response to certain trials. However, If you want to be able to live a stress free life in this world, it is essential to be able to deal with trying situations in a calm manner. Anger only serves to leave us resentful and eventually bitter.

If you are one of those people who tend to take life seriously and you are always walking around, ready to explode, then investing in some anger managing skills is vital. There are loads of online courses as well as reading material to assist you. If all else fails, seek therapy and or medical intervention, as there may be something underlying, beneath the anger that is causing you to behave in a certain way.

Do Bad Muslims Use Ramadhan As A Weight Loss Aid!?

Mindful Or Obsessive?

Do You Know What Is The Purpose Of Ramadhan?

I don’t know about you but each Ramadhan my focus is entirely on achieving the blessings of Allah. I mean, which believing and practicing Muslim doesn’t want to gain the full reward and blessings of Ramadhan? Extra ibadah & promises to Allah to stay steadfast for the rest of the year is all part of my Ramadhan routine.

Attain Taqwa

However, there is one thing I always promise myself not to do at the beginning of Ramadhan but end up doing it anyway. It often wreaks havoc with my conscience.

Are you wondering what I do? Allow me to snitch on myself! Allow me to reveal what most people do during Ramadhan. I start off with the best of intentions each year to eat healthily. I make a pact with myself to fast to the best of my abilities. I use Ramadhan to leverage my personal growth. I try to remember those who are less fortunate. I really do!

Your Heart Is At A High Risk
If You Don’t Curb Chotu, He Will Be Motu

The Dilemma We All Face

At the end of Ramadhan, the consequences of my actions are blatantly clear. It becomes obvious that I swallowed litres of haleem (Indian soup) and ate dozens of samoosas (Indian savoury). The problem is that I have at least two people in my family who live for Ramadhan goodies. If my discipline levels are low, I usually end up joining them on their gluttonous feast. I give in to temptations. Wait! I should stop blaming it on them! Do you also have the same problem as me?

 The big question is: “Can you dump Mr. Burger for Mr. Avocado“

How Strong Is Your Willpower?

 Iftaar Food Feasts Are Traditions & Not Religion!

Remember that savories and sweets during Ramadhan, is only a tradition. It occurs out of greed. It is not part of Islam. This unnecessary food becomes a pre-occupation during the day. It defeats the purpose of this month. Some people even watch cooking channels all day long. Poor salivating sadists. This is not allowed! Curb yourself my dear and beloved friend!

Healthy & Delicious

Are you are one of those people who end up fatter after Ramadhan? Read on for an ideal solution. The fact remains that our Nabi Muhammad (s.a) has taught us the etiquette of eating. A third for food. A third for water and a third for air. That is how we are supposed to eat. As long as you bare this in mind foremost!

For many reasons, it is a sin to over indulge in the consumption of food. Did you notice how difficult it is to bend in ruku, during salah? (prayer)

Develop Some Lifestyle Changes

  • Form New Habits. This year make a change by ditching the habits of the past!
  •  Plan your food consumption
  •  Plan your ibadah (prayer) in advance.
  • Develop discipline.  
  • Set goals in order to achieve those spiritual aspirations
  • Take care of your body – as prescribed by our prophet Muhammad s.a

Are You ready For Some Exciting News?

Whoever told you that you shouldn’t exercise while you are fasting has mislead you! If you previously had an exercise routine, you can still stick to that work out. You won’t train as strenuously, but there is nothing stopping you from doing light exercises. Your discipline levels don’t need to wane. Read On…

Work For It – Woman

I Just Found My Pot Of Gold Beneath That Rainbow (Read on…expert help is here!)

In my quest to source a reliable dietician who understands Islam and Ramadhan, I discovered an amazing fitness instructor. KhadijaK totally gets my requirements and time constraints.

Leading You To Your Dream Body

What Mrs K Had To Offer Me?

  • Her exercises are as short as 28 minutes.
  • What makes this fabulous is the app which simplifies your life in every way. Its all right there on your phone. Your diet, the number of workouts you participate in, even group support via chats, can all be found on the Khadija K app.
  • Here, you will find like- minded, health conscious people are also fasting. They also hoping for the full benefits of Ramadhan through extra ibadah and sincerity etc The only difference is that these people will not be stuffing their faces with fifty samoosas as soon as the Muazzin says Allahu Akbar. Instead you will be eating moderately. You will also be taking care of your body which is on loan to you. That is an act of worship in itself.
  • Sometimes all we need to become our best self, is a combination of a small shove in the right direction. Khadija K provides enough support to keep you and me inspired.

Are you wondering who on earth is KhadijaK?

Khadija is my go-to health person. She specializes in health, nutrition and fitness. With tons of impressive certificates to frame up on her office wall, I can assure you that I have thoroughly investigated her credentials. (Fitness – HFPA Advance Certificate In Fitness Science; Fitness & Nutrition Diploma from INTEC; GIBBS – Goldman Sachs-  Entrepreneurship; Swimming Level 1 & 2 – Baby Swim –  Swimming Special Populations Certificate) A woman with sass, class, strength and charisma, beauty and a mind to match. A true softie on the inside, aspiring to assist others to be their very best. This is KhadijaK!

This woman is a tough cookie to reckon with! Rest assured that she will get you LOSING! LOSING and LOSING some of that baby weight within a week.

Benefits of Choosing Khadija’s way:

Exercise Is Fun
  • Years of fitness experience and proven results make her a leader within the industry. Why would you even give any other fitness instructor a second look when Khadija is the ultimate expert in this field?
  • What stood out for me about Khadija? You can follow her diet and regimen from any part of the world, that’s right! Whether you in New York or London, India or Africa, Khadija K is the most sought after Muslim personal trainer out there!!
  • Nobody understands halaal and haram better than this woman. I kid you not!!!!
  • She also incorporates amazing, delicious and divine sunnah foods. (You must try out the fig bake and the mezze platter. Her talbinah recipe…aaaah I had better stop salivating. Khadija K will  make your tummy smile  gleefully. Satisfaction guaranteed!
  • She is extremely efficient and on the ball. Trust me I have tried and tested her out. If you dream about having a perfect figure, look no further.
  • Support and motivation from an expert in this field.
  • No expensive diet food – food that is already in your fridge.
Reaching For The Stars

So …..What is stopping you from regaining your self-esteem?

What is stopping you from clicking on the link NOW?

Coach Khadija K

You are not bad if you try to lose weight instead of eating mindlessly! As long as your primary purpose for Ramadhan is not weight loss. As long as your mindset  is geared towards the pleasure of Allah. So long as you gain Allah swt  mercy, blessings and forgiveness, that is what really matters. As long as you strengthen your self-awareness. Make sure to take your best habits with you when Ramadhan departs. 

As long as you get in all your ibadah and extra ibaadah.

Happily Ever After

Conclusion:

As long as you don’t spend hours on exercise and neglect your salaah! As long as you do NOT focus on weight loss primarily. Your diet and eating habits should be secondary! You should also be eating the way Nabi (s.a) recommended. You should not be over indulging as taught by our prophet. (s.a) As long as you follow the sunnah first you will NEVER go wrong! Your intentions MUST BE CLEAR!

This Ramadhan you will eat the way you were meant to eat. This year you will fast without any guilt.  You will gain proper benefits of this month spiritually and physically. Proper eating habits & exercise will grant you enough energy to do extra ibadah! In this way, you will stay focused on your spiritual goals.

How To Wrap Him Around Your Pinky?!

Want him to love you the way your first crush did?!
She has him eating from her palms

Take Control Of Your Marriage With 3 Essential Principles!

Happily ever after involve patience, patience and more patience!

The follow up to my previous blog ( Happy Endings Does That Even Exist These Days) is finally here…

Self Esteem & Self Care

I have recently come across an online coach saying that a happy marriage comes from loving one’s self and the ability to understand yourself first and your own needs.

I found that the primary emphasis these days is on self-love. If you love yourself, they say, then you can love all others. While I agree with this partially. It does not spin the wheels in my brain.

Yes, I do often remind ladies to take care of themselves. However, I feel that the West primarily accentuates self-love instead of focusing on the source of love first.  

I also feel like this happiness that this online coach speaks about, is bound to be shaky, as you cannot rely on self-love alone, to weather your storms.

Also, both partners need to have mutual marriage goals. If you are both not on the same track, brace yourself for a turbulent ride.

What happens if your partner still does not reciprocate all your heartfelt efforts? With all that self- love and your marriage still does not make it, then what?

I mean you can be the greatest beauty and as nice as you wish but without having a real and legitimate goal and purpose in your mind for the success of your marriage, it really won’t get very far! There is only one way to save your home…read on for more info…

Inside job

What Is The Key To Happiness In A Marriage?

Happiness is truly an inside job. You probably heard this line before.
It is finally time to start changing your outdated mindset. It is time for some good changes. What is real happiness, you want to know? Real happiness comes from the source of everything. Who is that source? Your creator!

Replace your old concepts about marriage with a fresh perspective and become inspired now.

Stop worrying and say YES to the wisdom I am sharing with you. For just five seconds, read and ponder this please.

Who is the source of love?  YOUR CREATOR. If you do everything for the right reasons and with the right intentions everything will simply fall into place. This is the honest to God truth, I swear! When I speak here, it is based on my experiences with life and love.

 Everyone who has ever had a broken heart will be able to attest to this and tell you this above. Who delivered you from heartbreak? The same ONE will certainly bring happiness to your marriage!

This brings me to the things that men need in a marriage and the best way to keep your man madly, insanely and crazily in love with you for the rest of your married life.

The list way below will grant you the fail-proof road to a successful marriage.

Remember this: When you understand your purpose in this world, self-love comes automatically but more importantly so does respect for others, particularly your husband.

Coming from someone who has loved and lost, I can honestly say that loving for all the wrong reasons won’t keep your marriage intact and whole.

Who’s The Boss?

Some people believe that marriage is a partnership. A fifty-fifty partnership. Marriage is a partnership to a degree and within limits. The fact remains that the man and the husband is the leader of the home and the king. We as women, have become so fat from the lies that the west and the media keep us entertained with. No matter how you look at it, men and women will never be the same!

 Men will always be the leaders within a household. This is not just because of their physical strength but because the Lord of the universe stated this in the holy Quraan. Even the bible speaks of a man as the leader of the household. “Men are protectors and maintainers of women and women are nurturers.” As stated in the holy Quraan. That tells you that we have different roles.

In every culture the man is the head of the household. While each partner brings certain things to the table, ultimately who is the boss? The man is! This is the first thing which you must understand as a woman.

Marriage can be compared to managing an enterprise. Something you already know as an adult is that the M.D (Managing director) of a company cannot do without his P.A.

She does almost everything for him. He manages the business and gives the orders.
The P.A (Personal Assistant) follows through with his instructions. In a marriage some decisions are for the husband alone to decide, while other decisions are made mutually.

That is the exact way a marriage and a home should also be managed.

If you want your man to eat from your palms, you must be the best secretary to him. Give him what he needs and wants first and then only will you gain all the perks!

Keep him happy to get all the perks

What do men need?

  1. Respect

Does it mean that he can walk all over you? Does respect mean, he can say: Jump! You say: How high? Hell No! There are limits. A man who loves you will never push you to your limits. So, what is respect and how should you respect your man?

How To Show Your man/husband Respect

  • Give up trying to control your husband
  • Receive what he gives you with kindness and thankfulness
  • Designate him as the minister of finance in your marriage
  • Focus on your own inner peace and contentment
  •  Respect how he thinks
  • Express your wants without feeling entitled to it

Conclusion:

If you are an independent woman, it is not always easy to surrender to a man. However, this is no ordinary man! This is the man who was chosen as your soulmate and partner. This man was chosen by the creator of love. This man was chosen for you by the Lord of the universe.  Follow these three basic principles of wisdom for a happy marriage.

The rest of my advice will follow in the next two blogs.

They won’t be in succession so you will have to look them up and read each one in succession in order to gain the full benefit!


What do you think are the essential elements in any marriage? Please feel free to comment about your marriage and what works/worked for you!

When chivalry or politeness is seen as flirting

A helping hand

Why has society created such a thin line between politeness/chivalry and flirting??

Friendly and Polite

A young student

Many years ago, my father owned a company that imported laminated flooring. Sometimes on busy days, I would try to earn extra pocket money and assist in the business whenever I could. I was a student at the age of 18. There was an older man about as old as my dad with children my age, who was one of our biggest clients. Often when the other salespeople were busy I used to assist him to choose colors for many of his projects as a contractor.

Happy Birthday to me!

Why I hate orchids?

On my 21st birthday, my parents were overseas. I was in the store assisting my older brother. It was such a pity to be working on my birthday but I knew nobody in this city at the time to celebrate with, not that my family was ever big on celebrating birthdays. So naturally, when I received the most beautiful bouquet of pink orchids, I was delighted.

There was no name on the card attached to it. Assuming that it was from my parents, I rushed to see what was written inside, in excitement. Mortified and completely embarrassed, I stood rooted to the spot. My older brother snatched the card from my trembling fingers. We investigated and tried calling the florist to find out the details of the sender.

Are you intrigued yet? Read on to find out who it was and why my brother became livid with anger.

Misunderstandings

I believe that there is a tremendous amount of wisdom in the cliche, “learn to read between the lines!” Many people both male and female lack communication and understanding and this leads to so much of problems. Often kindness is misread for something different. Let’s face it, in this harsh world, kindness is rare. So when someone is being nice, it is often viewed as flirting. (Scroll down for self- development tips and tricks.)

Price of politeness

Recently a Twitter friend mentioned that chivalry comes with a price. I had the words ready on the tip of my tongue to retaliate but I held myself back. As women, this is what we face daily. The worst combination to possess as a woman or man who is attractive and decent is a positive, polite and friendly attitude. Why? Because this behavior is often misconstrued.

I wanted to tell the twitter friend, do you know what it feels like to be a woman? I wanted to tell him about the billions of times when my kindness and me being polite became a license to be hit on by men.

Exploiting kindness

So in very simple terms, I will discuss certain issues that I find many are facing at the moment but these are the things nobody discusses. Fair enough, there are millions of women out there and men who love the attention from the opposite sex or even the same sex and view any interaction as an opportunity to have fun.

Promiscuity is rife and standards are low

If you don’t bare it all then you considered prehistoric

The world is bombarded with free skin and promiscuity. Phrasing it very crudely, I would say the easiest thing these days is getting laid. Standards have dropped. So when someone is polite, it is automatically viewed as a come on by those who are used to such despicable behavior.

My mother’s advice

As a young girl, my mother taught me that one smile is all it takes for men to jump to the wrong conclusion. Being a friendly spirited young girl, I thought: “Geez mama, what are you talking about?” Emotional maturity came late to that tomboy. I really truly did not get what she meant. I did not know how boys and men think back then but now I do. As women, we are born with natural instincts that guide us. The key is to listen to your gut. When warning bells go off in your head about someone, go with it, trust your natural instincts. A woman automatically realizes who she is safe with and who is not safe to be around. This instinct needs to be honed in.

Drawing the line

Kindness and being polite has always been a part of my lifestyle. So the good question is where does one draw the line? How does one spot the difference between flirting and chivalry or kindness? Should you be selective about who you are friendly and kind to?

Best communication tips to deal with the opposite sex

  1. Keep the communication very simple.
  2. Don’t get personal
  3. Be polite but don’t say anything that doesn’t sound good to your own ears.
  4. Don’t make eye contact, look at the space just above the eyebrows when you speak to them.
  5. Watch your body language by keeping within your space physically.
  6. Practice not smiling and don’t show your teeth too much or laugh at anything they say especially if it makes you uncomfortable.
  7. Do the bare minimum to show politeness but be careful about oversharing,

Curiosity killed the cat

To satisfy your curiosity, I will inform you who the flowers were from and why my brother got so upset. The flowers were from that contractor old enough to be my father. Along with a ” Happy Birthday!” was a crude message scribbled in the card attached to the flowers which literally made me cringe out of disgust. Don’t you worry though, my brother dealt with that lecherous old man in the best possible way? I am sure that there are many conservative people who can relate to these issues too.

I certainly hope that my tips will assist you to overcome the above-mentioned issues. Have you ever been in a similar situation? How do you communicate with the opposite sex to avoid this? As Muslim women and men, how do you deal with forward people? Please feel free to comment and add your views about this post.

Want To Know About Muslims And Ramadhan?

Welcoming Ramadhan To The City of Cape Town – South Africa

(Ramadhan-Month Of Fasting And Abstinence From Desires)

Almost a month before the arrival of the holy month of Ramadhan, the atmosphere among Muslim communities indicates some subtle changes, signaling the onset of one of the holiest months in the Muslim Calendar.

That feeling of anticipation and that craving for peace can be likened to awaiting the hug of a special guest. Ramadhan to each and every believing and practicing Muslim feels like this. It is a month of abundant mercy and blessings.

Ramadhan is not just another day for Muslims!

In many countries, Ramadhan is just another day like all others. In Muslim countries only, we find people making a big hoohah out of the fasting month. Wrong! Some cities and countries do acknowledge Ramadhan. Those who exist within these cities that welcome Ramadhan are indeed blessed. Cape Town, South Africa is one of those cities. Most people in this city are already so used to Muslims and their month of fasting, that you cannot get away easily with doing something un-islamic during this month. Everyone knows that it’s Ramadhan. Everyone knows that Muslims must be well behaved. Haha. Knowing about other religions is part of self-development. Don’t you just love those who know about Islam and are sweet about it?

Are you Ready?
The Month Of Mercy Is Almost Here?
I Just Can't Wait!
Sunset In The Mother City

Some people in Cape Town seem to know that they should not tempt you and eat in front of you. When I used to work in a corporate company, some time back, I had non-Muslim friends who would actually fast with me. This is how awesome it is to live here, in Cape Town!

Besides, every neighbor knows, Muslim or non-Muslim, that they will definitely be getting a plate of goodies come sunset. Respecting and understanding Islam and other religions means that you know about tolerance. It also means that you are working on your personal development.

How do we know its Ramadhan?

The sighting of the crescent moon, but off-course!

Did you know that Muslims follow an Islamic calendar and not the usual Gregorian Calendar? So you want to know the difference between a Gregorian calendar and an Islamic calendar?

 The lunar calendar is slightly behind the Gregorian calendar by a few days. (around ten days) 

The Islamic calendar is basically a lunar (moon) calendar.

Our year consists of twelve months and 354 days. It is called a Hijri calendar due to migration of the Prophet Muhammad s.a from Makkah to Madinah, Saudi Arabia. This calendar was inaugurated in the year 622 during the migration.

What Exactly Do Muslims Do In Ramadhan?

It is so simple.

We wake up way before the sun rises in order to have a small light breakfast. We call this breakfast suhoor or sehri. We do not eat or drink or engage in sexual intercourse or activities for the rest of the entire day, up until the sun sets. (Maghrib)

We pray an hour before the sun rises, a prayer called tahajjud. (We believe that the Lord of the universe listens to our requests and grants our wishes especially during certain hours. Prayers are guaranteed to be accepted.) We pray fajar just before the sun rises. This is our morning prayer after suhoor/sehri.

We abstain from all forms of sins while we fast. We also abstain from sexual intimacy, food and drink – not even water. We do this from dawn till dusk. We do this for one month continuously. This month is called Ramadhan. This is how Muslims fast.

We break our fast when the sun sets. We then pray our evening prayers called Maghrib, Esha and Taraweeh. We recite the holy Quraan during our prayers. One Quraan is completed during the taraweeh prayer and the 30 days of fasting in Ramadhan.

Sun Set In Mouille Point

Wow, you say… That sounds difficult!

To be quiet honest, it is not that difficult.

 Have you not heard of intermittent fasting and keto dieting?

Well..today after centuries and decades non-Muslims, are beginning to see the benefits and merits of fasting. Fasting was taught to us by our prophet Muhammad s.a hundreds of years ago. Also we recite bits of the quraan, one chapter a day thus, this how we complete the full and entire quraan within one month. So so so simple!

So yes, back to abstinence. It teaches us to control or desires. Abstinence differentiates us from animals. We all have desires, it is our natural instinct for human beings to have certain desires!

HOWEVER, as Muslims we tame and discipline our desires. Whether its food or intimacy, we are strong enough to refrain. Even our children of certain age and abilities, fast during this month, so why can’t any adult do it?

So You Want To Know What is The Purpose Of Ramadhan?

Have you ever played the game called Mario Brothers? Do you know that feeling of excitement that you get when you come across a mushroom which you bump only to reveal endless points?

Ramadhan is similar to this. It is the month to top up your blessings! However, it should not end there. Its purpose is to renew your faith. Its purpose is to form new spiritual habits.

It is a month to reflect, a month to bathe in humility and to forgo one’s desires. Ramadhan is a month to do a spiritual cleanse. It is a month to take stock of your life in order to try to change bad habits. Ramadhan is a month for repentance. It is a month to gain the mercy of one’s creator. Ramadhan is a month to attain taqwa (piety)

What is taqwa exactly?

 Taqwa means to abstain from that which your Lord and my Lord has prohibited. Ramadhan is there so that we can get close to our creator. Ultimately the month of Ramadhan is to get close to one’s creator through good deeds and abstinence.

Fasting is also a month in which we are one and the same with the poor people. We understand hunger and difficulty; we understand the pain and hunger pangs of those who are less fortunate. Our senses are dulled, and our levels of spirituality are at its peak.

Making The Most Of This Month – 20 Tips

Are All The Devils Locked Up?

  • Seek forgiveness from the ones your hurt and go into Ramadhan with a clean heart
  • Forgive the ones who hurt you and let things go
  • Start giving up bad habits two months before Ramadhan begins
  • Stop focussing on food preparations. Focus on your inner demons and how to tame them.
  • Keep reminding yourself about the essence of Ramadhan.
  • Eat healthily to keep your strength and stay hydrated
  • Rest and sleep for at least 20 minutes during the day, preferably after the midday prayer. This will prepare you for the evening prayers and Tahajjud. (Qiyaamul Lail)
  • Try not to engage in doing anything that will take you away from attaining the pleasure Allah swt
  • Speak less to avoid miscommunications, misunderstandings and arguments
  • After each prayer, recite your holy Quraan so that you will complete it on time
  • Ponder on the meaning and deeper interpretation of the holy Quraan as you read it
  • Do your prayers on time
  • Make fresh wudhu to avoid doubts
  • Do salawat and adhkaar while you are working, cooking, cleaning and even at work
  • Pray your taraweeh salaah and go to bed immediately afterwards – Don’t go scratching in the fridge or surfing online. You need your sleep!
  • Focus on your concentration in salaah and build your connection with Allah. Read slowly. Ponder on the words.
  • Constantly make istighfaar and ask Allah for forgiveness for everyone even your worst enemy. Pray for the Ummah, not just your sick nani (grandmother). Pray for everybody!
  • Give loads of charity, feed the poor with whatever you can afford – You don’t have to dish out gold coins. Give within your means
  • Avoid visiting people and places that will hinder your spiritual motivation – stay at home if you have wondering eyes. Rather visit ill people. You will earn reward,

Newsflash: If you think the shayateen(devils) are all gone, you are wrong. While the big shayateen are put to sleep temporarily..like wild rabid dogs, LOL, the other shayateen are not all locked up. Also, what about the devils within us? Our own nafs/desires?

If it was that easy to gain reward during this holy month, with absolutely little or no effort, the rewards would not be that huge. You have to make some effort too! What I am trying to say is, sometimes you and I are our own biggest enemy. That’s right! You are your worst enemy. Why? you ask.

Do I need to spell this out? Are you not a human being with desires and needs? Well, in that case you will still have a huge battle with your nafs if you have certain addictions such as addiction to t.v, women, cigarettes etc among other vices.

Have you ever searched online for some info and then suddenly a half-naked women pops up gyrating her hips to some jamming music?

Did you not find yourself wanting to sing along? If you are anything like me, you would rush to cover the screen and click the back button to get out of there, all the while screaming NO! NO! Noooooo!

Can you resist the next episode of your favorite series in order to listen to a lecture indstead?

 I thought so. This is why I have stated above, that you should avoid all distractions and focus on your relationship with your Lord.

Remember that this is not just about Ramadhan and trying to attain bonus points for just one month. You are doing a spiritual cleanse in order to revive your soul permanently.

What you do with sincerity during Ramadhan is usually what you keep with you throughout the year.

Conclusion And Grand Finale

Eid- The Greatest Day

The best part about Ramadhan is that every single person, good or bad, takes something back with them. Everybody including sinners, strive to reform and to use Ramadhan as their turning point.

We Muslims don’t just fast because we have to. We do it because we want to do it. We fast because we make a choice daliy, to be practicing Muslims because we absolutely love our creator and Islam!

Yes, there are some of us who only care about Eid clothes and fancy finger food and savories for Ramadhan. There are loads of women out there who start planning their Eid clothes and activities etc way before Ramadhan begins. I plan on visiting the mosque for Eid salaah. That’s my Eid goal.

Please people, don’t just share this day with people you know. Invite single Muslims and new Muslims into your home to celebrate Eid with you. Eid is about sharing yourself and your home. So many people have nobody to celebrate Eid with. Remember to focus on the bigger picture!

You must be surprised to hear that I dream of attending mosque on Eid day, as most Muslim women don’t usually attend mosque, right? Wrong! Our prophet Muhammad s. a encouraged women to attend the Eid prayers in Eid ghah (congregation).

There is huge and copious amounts of blessings in this. While others prefer to stay at home and doll themselves up for their partners etc and lay fancy tables.

I prefer going to the mosque for Eid salaah. My parting advice to all of you is to plan your day and prepare in advance so that you can attend Eid salaah in the morning. You really don’t know what you are missing out on if you do not attend mosque on Eid day.

That being said, I urge you to make the best of Ramadhan as we have no clue if we will ever get this blessed month again. So many people were here last year. So many people thought they would be here this year too.

So many people did not make it to this year. Life is short. Remember that. Ditch the grudges. Forgive and move on. Walk into Ramadhan with a clear soul and begin again! May Allah (God) accept all our fasts and prayers. Aameen.

How do you spend Ramadhan and Eid in your country? Please feel free to comment on your Ramadhan experiences.

Characteristics which women desire in men

The perfect man does not exist but real men do!
Men Who Make Our Heads Turnl

Almost every single day, I have some male or the other trying to approach me. There are friends trying to set me up. There is family who feels that my life is a perfect waste because I have no man by my side. I have friends within my circle who are happy and feel like their lives are perfectly put together. Having a man in their lives will only bring about unnecessary complications.

 I have been asked, what kind of a man would make my head turn in his direction, not that my opinion is thaaat important…eye roll…but this is what most women desire…

The perfect man does NOT exist but real men do. I know they exist and I have noticed how these honorable men treat their women and I have the utmost respect for them.

Ideal Man Or real Man!

                How Real Men Behave:

Confidence

Mature men live their lives with confidence in themselves and their abilities. They take risks and are not afraid of criticism nor are they afraid of having their ego’s slightly bruised.

Follow their own rules

While they respect other people’s opinions, thoughts and ideas, they follow their own rules and do not live their lives trying to please or impress others.

They treat women with respect

They understand that women have their strengths and weaknesses, fears and desires and they do not see women as competition. Women are viewed as equals mentally. They treat women with respect regardless of who she may be and what she does.

They are resilient

They don’t harbor resentment or hold on to grudges. They simply move on.

They are emotionally strong

Mature men do not allow people to bully them. They are assertive and remain cool and composed. They are positive and always look at the brighter side of life.

They are ambitious

They constantly seek ways to improve their own personal development and growth. You won’t hear them complaining about the sacrifices they had to make or the hard work involved in achieving their goals.

Mature men understand responsibility

They don’t see their jobs as boring. They understand that whether it is a job or a career, people depend on them.

Real men do not step back on their morals ethics, self-respect and integrity

 If it means being hard on someone, they will do it. Their morals and ethics are never compromised. Ever.

Good communication skills

Mature men, know how to communicate. They are easily able to convey their needs and no conversation is too difficult to hold.

Stimulated by intellect more than superficial beauty

Boys are intimidated by women who are mentally smarter than they are. Real men are stimulated by intellectual conversation.

They are sincere

Real men will compliment women only to uplift her, and not to get her into bed.

Support

Real men know how to provide support. They are not put off by women who have aspirations.

They have spiritual convictions and faith in a higher power

A real man has a strong set of beliefs that leads him in every decision he makes. Prayer and spirituality is something that comes easily to him.

They are-self sufficient and able to take care of their own basic needs

If there are no women to cook and clean, they won’t die from deprivation of a women’s touch in their lives.

This is just a condensed list of what women seek in men. Get this loud and clear! Women do not crave wealth, good looks and status. To put this to you very simply, some of us actually prefer men of substance and good character over those with flashy cars and the latest fade haircut. If you thought she wanted a part of your bank balance, you should know by now how very wrong you were.

10 WAYS TO MAKE A COME-BACK IN 2019 AFTER THE WORLD’S WORST BREAK-UP

THE PAST

If you broke up with your soul mate, it probably felt as if you survived Armageddon. Break-ups are not easy but you have overcome many challenges. Hey..take it easy on yourself. This too will be a challenge that you managed to conquer! Don’t stress yourself out over someone who is already laughing with other women, while you are living the life of a recluse and moping around. Is he worth your sanity? I don’t think so, my friend. Nothing is worth your peace of mind!

TIME TO SOAR

Tell me… how badly do you want that transformation? A little bit of creativity and a dose of sass is what you require for your personal development plan to work. I must warn you, though that positive thoughts alone will not set you free. You need to have an action plan. Before you get into that car and start moving, make sure that you not making any impulsive decisions based on a whim. It’s best that you carefully weigh your options first.

REACH AS HIGH AS YOU CAN

For some reason, breaks ups become a sort of renewal of our lives. Out with the old and in with the new is sometimes necessary for personal development. There are a billion lessons that you have probably learned from your break up by now. Those lessons are priceless. for your growth. You probably can’t even imagine being with someone else right now. One day though your pieces will be restored and glued together again. You will remember these days as the stepping stone to finding the one you supposed to be with forever. You will thank your creator for bringing you to the place that this will lead to.

NEW YEAR – NEW YOU

THE UPCOMING YEAR

I am going to give you that plan, now. Come on. Put a smile on that beautiful face! Promise yourself that 2019 will be the year you give yourself the time of your life. You have to promise me though, that you will focus on being positive. Eradicate any thoughts that weigh you down. Remember that it is normal to feel lonely and to also miss the person you once shared so much with. However dwelling on what went wrong and what could have been will just drown you in despair. Savour each moment of your freedom and enjoy your single life again!

GUESS WHO GOT THEIR SMILE BACK?!

Some tips:

10 Super Moves To Happiness

  1. Write down your new goals for each week along with ways of achieving them.
  2. Transform your appearance. Go for a small transformation. Join that Aqua Aerobics class now.  Start taking care of your body. Dress smartly and change your old image.
  3. Update your resume and apply for the course you have been meaning to do.
  4. Find new friends. Get a hobby. Join a group.
  5. Give back to society. Volunteer work is extremely rewarding and great for your self-esteem.  Join a soup kitchen.
  6. Declutter your home. Do those D.I.Y projects. Transform your space and redecorate.
  7. Pray. Be mindful of your actions. Take stock of your life. Take heed of the lessons you needed to learn.
  8. Create a gratitude journal and fill it with the little things that made you happy for the day.
  9. Save your money. Make wise investments. Soon you will have a lump sum to play with.
  10. Reconnect with your family and loved ones. There are many people who just want to see you happy.

Breakups are a normal part of life, as painful as they may be. However, if you make a pact with yourself to move forward, you can’t possibly go wrong! In no time, you will get your bounce back. You will realize that you have not thought about your ex for a long time. Your soul will feel lighter and you will attract people into your life. These people will be on the same level as you. Remember that a contented and happy soul will attract like-minded people to the new you. Your new lifestyle will bring you immense success. Do not give up or give in to depression and apathy. You are the only one who can put all your pieces back together again!

Happy Endings – Does That Even Exist These Days?

Want To Know How To Keep him wrapped around your pinky finger for Life? Let Me Tell You What I Have Learned over the years!

Soon You Will Have Him Eating From Your Palms

(This is a two-part series that must be read to the end. I may just go on to the third part..or not…but hang around. It will be worth the read, trust me.)

I chose this topic because I am so tired of dishing out advice to clueless friends. I will now direct them to this blog and hope they don’t bug me any more. After all I am single, free and rather content with my lot in life. Don’t need any stress.

So…here goes…

Give Your Man These Three Things:

 
1. Respect, Respect, Respect!

2. Appreciation, Appreciation, Appreciation!

3. SEX, SEX SEX!

(Not in that particular order…take number three to the top depending on who you are married to…Laugh out loud)

I often hear about marriages ending because someone cheated. If it is not him, it is her. I have the best  news for you, ever!

Newsflash: You can keep the affections and love of the person you marry/married for the rest of your life. It is a given that there are loads of pathological liars and serial cheaters out there who don’t need a reason to cheat. They see. They like. They take.

Then, there are those that get fed – up of trying to save a hopeless marriage for so long and just give up, eventually. All it takes is one kind word, or one provocative female, or a little bit of attention and then years of happiness is destroyed instantly. This is no justification for cheating. It is a vile act, but it happens more than the amount of times the sun rises. Homes break!

To keep a marriage free from the evil of outsiders, you must follow some basic rules, male or female. These tips and tricks are mostly for females, though. If you are male and reading this please tell us what would work to revive a stagnant marriage, in your opinion.

Prevent His Eyes from Roaming

I must say that women need to wake up and play their roles as a wife. Stop complaining and start taking action, ladies. I know about marriage, I have been married. I know what men expect and want. I can easily tell you, with all honesty what you shouldn’t do. I can also easily tell you how you can lose a man in thirty days flat! Men cheat because their levels of imaan(faith) are non-existent.

Yes, I have been married, so I know these things. Now, this post is not about me at all. So, please stop that mind of yours from wondering about me and my life. This is about you. This post will show you how to get your groove back! This post may just help you to save your marriage.

All It Takes Is Patience And Certain Skills

However, I will add my disclaimer because me being me, and an ex- law student, I will put up my safety precautions…HAHA!

Someone might be at a dead end in their marriage, and use my tips right at the end and still fail. What I do not need is someone coming at me with a sledgehammer because the marriage skills I shared did not work for them.

So…I repeat, do not quote me when your husband asks you who taught you to do those things. Well, not unless he is happy with you, then you spread the word. I got it from Shamz and tell him to announce it too. There is a lady dishing out marriage advice online and guess what? It really works!

Your Smile Is The Fanciest Make – Over you Will Ever need

Do Yourself A Favour & Ditch the Sad Face

If you are a married women or man and you feel like your marriage is failing. Don’t drown in despair. There is still hope. I sat so many friends down, while they were crying and I was about to give them a piece of advice and you know what they said?

I have tried everything under the sun. Nothing works. You want to know what crossed my mind in that instant. Whoah…Is this how you tried everything? With such a negative mindset, you going to get nowhere. Look, I do understand that for those who have been in a marriage, almost forever, it feels like there is not much left to do to save your relationship.

I must say though that an upbeat and positive attitude is my first expectation from you, if you wish to follow my advice. It is understandable and perfectly normal to feel downright depressed when things are falling apart. However, it is only you who can pull yourself out from the rut you are stuck in.

Change Your Intentions

Allow Your Creator To Lead You Towards Your Fate

The first thing you need to do to fix yourself is to fix your intentions. What do you want from your marriage? Are you in it because being married is better than loneliness? Are you in it because you have children that need you? Are you in it because of your creator, the Lord of the Universe? Do you want to have a blessed marriage for the sake of Allah swt your Lord. Do you wish to grow spiritually? What does Islam say about your husband and how to treat him? What rights does your spouse have over you? Do you want real fulfillment? Do you prefer a life and marriage for Instagram that is oh so perfect, but dead and stagnant in reality?

If you do things with that mindset above, nothing else will matter to you. Why? For starters every action of yours will be done for the pleasure of your creator and thus, if your actions are not reciprocated you won’t feel like your world just fell apart. You will remain confident, because you will trust in your fate. You will trust in what was written in your destiny. Remember both good and bad, comes from Allah swt (GOD) A man who cheats has no real taqwa. A man who fears Allah swt will NEVER hurt a women and cheat and vice versa. Men with real taqwa, fear Allah and are good partners. The same applies to women. End of Story.

Love Bomb Yourself Honey, Before You Work On Him

Now that, we have cleared that aspect, let’s talk about you. If you are constantly feeling drained and listless, how are you going to put in any extra effort into saving your marriage? How are you going to be super-wife? You already know what I am going to say next, don’t you? Yeah, you guessed right! Self-care is super important! Enough sleep, exercise and healthy eating is your first step.

Without quiet time for yourself, you will get lost. So, find time to enjoy your life alone. Get to know yourself. Love yourself first. Your first love, should be yourself. Do something you used to love but gave up. Find a new hobby. Your first concern should be your mental, physical and emotional well-being. If you have your mental and physical health, you will be able to soar and thrive within your marriage. Happiness is contagious. Spread joy in your home through your own well being and peace of mind. You will be able to give back so much more because you are now so much more content. Sort that out and then we can talk…

Newly Weds Better Than Old Couples?

A Wedding And New Life Is Exciting

So, you want to be as happy as your first day of marriage? Unfortunately, that can’t happen. Back then you were newly weds. What this means is that marriage was a novelty. In time, all those lovey dovey cooing and  feelings got replaced by did you forget to take the trash out again? Also, for those who are happily married they will tell you that the marriage actually evolves and grows to the next stage.

Once you are familiar with each other you can’t go back to be being strangers, can you? While that was not what you wanted to hear. You should know that marriage can only get better despite all the ups and downs, trials and knocks. Yeah you heard right. It gets better. You reach a point of understanding because you eventually get to know your spouse and trust is built on a solid foundation. Working together to resolve problems is supposed to solidify you as a couple.

You faced the worst and you are still together, are you not? Rest assured that even though you are not where you want to be, the great news is that you are still married. You have not yet started to divide those assets, so honey, there is still time to save things.

Bring Back the Butterflies-Bring Back Those Intense Feelings

Revive Those Sparks

The problem is there are no sparks at this moment. If you re-invent yourself and make some changes, albeit small changes, you can cause huge ripples. First things first. My number one piece of advice to all women is. Never allow your husband to see you disheveled. You heard right. Lift your hands up if you are the type that looks wretched in the house but when you get into that car, you look like a super babe? Before you were married to him, would you be caught dead looking the way you do now, when you are lounging at home? If it was not good enough back then, it is not good enough now.

You may say we have had kids together. He has seen me at my worst.So??? Does that mean the maid should look better than you do? Ladies and gentlemen take pride in your appearance, personal grooming and personal hygiene. Don’t even bother buying fancy lingerie when you have a Tom Selleck mustache and your legs look like Godzilla’s. Don’t waste your money sister, if your confidence has slipped away either. Re -build your self esteem, before we go shopping at Madame Provocateur.

Happiness Comes With A Price

Some of you have perfect figures, perfect skin, but no dress sense, no sense of pride and don’t care about cleanliness. You smelled good, way back in those days. You didn’t lather on the babies bum cream for dry skin. You bought the best smelling lotions and potions. Your body was silky and smooth.

After having had babies we all have stretch marks, ugly scars and what not. Even your husband is not exactly a  re-incarnation of Ian Somerhaulder is he? He has aged too. Perhaps you have not noticed those grey specks on his hair or beard because you love him thaaaaat much. He is still your knight in shining armour regardless of the fact that he has aged a bit. So honey, trust me when I say this, the small efforts won’t go unnoticed…to be continued…

Girl’s Guide To Buying Your Own Car!

Golden Oldies

Many years back, I would drive around my small farm town, where I am from, with a red battered VW Beetle which to me felt like a red Lambo! Sometimes friends and family would see me stuck in the middle of the main road, bonnet up, and trying embarrassingly and desperately to re-install the fan belt.

It had this habit of falling off whenever I decided to show off and rev my engine…which was rather often… back then…Even without a driver’s licence almost all farm town kids will honestly tell you that they learned to drive at just about eleven years old. Dirt roads and farms offered the most safety, for those who wanted to learn how to drive. No traffic cops and no traffic except maybe some fat cows to watch out for.

Ah..those beautiful days make me nostalgic for sweet fifteen, and the memories fill me up with a longing for a different era, and a different me.

Empowering Women

In South Africa women are spoilt by menfolk who mostly handle everything vehicle related. While there is a countless amount of women, who are not only experienced drivers, but also know a great deal about cars, there are enough of us out here who are not that clued up. My dad and brothers always urged me to learn and take an interest in my own vehicle and how it works.

As part of my self-improvement and development, I have started to open my eyes and get educated about cars, something that I always assumed was more a man’s forte. Since my divorce I have been forced to jump out of the fairy tale I was living in.

I have in the end, learned that if a woman can drive a car, she can wash the car and maintain the car as well. It feels rather empowering to be able to walk into a dealership, know what you want and what to look out for, without your papa by your side.

Clueless

If you are anything like I used to be, then you probably kind of and sort of clueless as to what to look out for, when purchasing a vehicle. I usually drive like one would do on Grand Turismo and I love my need for speed. I must admit though, that I am limited in my knowledge about cars. I can change a tyre. I can tell you where the petrol, oil and water goes. I have attempted to jump start my car once when the battery died, some time back.

I know how many times my car needs to be fed with those delicious and golden liquids. However, that is about where it all ends. Oh yes, I do recall what is a fan belt from my teen memories. I want to say though, that it is not beneath a women to know about manly things like vehicles. In fact knowledge will give rise to your self-confidence levels and improve your self-esteem beyond words.

Time for Some Changes

So, if you are anything like me, and still sitting with the car your dad bought for you back in Uni, then it means that it’s time for some changes. Where does one start? What should you look out for when you decide to purchase a new car?

Should you opt for brand new or should you go for slightly used but with very little mileage? In my opinion, unless I am a billionaire, I will definitely not purchase a car out of the box.  I honestly believe that cars are a huge waste of money because they depreciate in value. Unless you are deciding to purchase a collectors Aston Martin…I guess in that case it is a whole new story.

New or Pre-owned

Something you should know if you have not already done research is that the best place to look for a car is at an auction.

Here are some reputable websites to checkout:

www.bidvestburchmores.co.za

www.smd.co.za

http://www.ezautoauction.com/

https://www.copart.com/

https://www.abetter.bid/

https://www.police-auctions.org.uk/

You will find that perfectly suitable and almost brand new cars here. Most of the cars found at auctions are pre-owned, which were written off because of a minor accident. These cars may just have small damages such as a bump on the bumper. They can easily be fixed as long as the engine and the rest of the car is okay and road worthy.

13 Essentials To Tick Off On Your checklist :

  • Check the service history of the car. Bare in mind that the car should have been serviced by a reputable mechanic.
  • Also check the odometer for mileage, and let’s hope that the car is not on its last leg and been around the block a billion times
  • Do some research and be open minded. You may surprise yourself when you see that the car you dreamed of may not be practical or your best option.
  • Carefully inspect both the outside and inside of the vehicle. Don’t be shy to open the hood and look for rusty parts. A clean engine is a good indication of the quality of the car.
  • You won’t require the services of a mechanic to perform a leak test. Stop the car on a clear driveway and stall it for 30 minutes. Then look under for any fluid that leaks.
  • Check the body of the car for any paint jobs, you will easily notice this when you open the car door. It is usually the sides of the car which has telltale signs of a hidden paint job/repair.
  • Do a test drive on the highway. See how the car handles bends. Ensure that the breaks are in good condition and notice squeals and squeaks. For this you should ask the dealer to stop talking in order to pay attention to important sounds and sensations. How does it feel when you change the gears and is the clutch easy to push in and release?
  • Learn about the brand and make of the vehicle, ask people you know who have those cars. Also check out online reviews.

Feel like a Queen

These tips above are sure to get you your dream car. If you don’t feel like a total queen afterwards because you did it all on your own, then something is drastically wrong!

I firmly believe that women need to empower themselves with knowledge and equip themselves with the necessary skills required to survive solo. If you have an opinion and tip that you would like to add please feel free to comment.

Perhaps I have left something essential out. What do you think? Should ladies leave the car and all things car related to men?