Characteristics which women desire in men

The perfect man does not exist but real men do!
Men Who Make Our Heads Turnl

Almost every single day, I have some male or the other trying to approach me. There are friends trying to set me up. There is family who feels that my life is a perfect waste because I have no man by my side. I have friends within my circle who are happy and feel like their lives are perfectly put together. Having a man in their lives will only bring about unnecessary complications.

 I have been asked, what kind of a man would make my head turn in his direction, not that my opinion is thaaat important…eye roll…but this is what most women desire…

The perfect man does NOT exist but real men do. I know they exist and I have noticed how these honorable men treat their women and I have the utmost respect for them.

Ideal Man Or real Man!

                How Real Men Behave:

Confidence

Mature men live their lives with confidence in themselves and their abilities. They take risks and are not afraid of criticism nor are they afraid of having their ego’s slightly bruised.

Follow their own rules

While they respect other people’s opinions, thoughts and ideas, they follow their own rules and do not live their lives trying to please or impress others.

They treat women with respect

They understand that women have their strengths and weaknesses, fears and desires and they do not see women as competition. Women are viewed as equals mentally. They treat women with respect regardless of who she may be and what she does.

They are resilient

They don’t harbor resentment or hold on to grudges. They simply move on.

They are emotionally strong

Mature men do not allow people to bully them. They are assertive and remain cool and composed. They are positive and always look at the brighter side of life.

They are ambitious

They constantly seek ways to improve their own personal development and growth. You won’t hear them complaining about the sacrifices they had to make or the hard work involved in achieving their goals.

Mature men understand responsibility

They don’t see their jobs as boring. They understand that whether it is a job or a career, people depend on them.

Real men do not step back on their morals ethics, self-respect and integrity

 If it means being hard on someone, they will do it. Their morals and ethics are never compromised. Ever.

Good communication skills

Mature men, know how to communicate. They are easily able to convey their needs and no conversation is too difficult to hold.

Stimulated by intellect more than superficial beauty

Boys are intimidated by women who are mentally smarter than they are. Real men are stimulated by intellectual conversation.

They are sincere

Real men will compliment women only to uplift her, and not to get her into bed.

Support

Real men know how to provide support. They are not put off by women who have aspirations.

They have spiritual convictions and faith in a higher power

A real man has a strong set of beliefs that leads him in every decision he makes. Prayer and spirituality is something that comes easily to him.

They are-self sufficient and able to take care of their own basic needs

If there are no women to cook and clean, they won’t die from deprivation of a women’s touch in their lives.

This is just a condensed list of what women seek in men. Get this loud and clear! Women do not crave wealth, good looks and status. To put this to you very simply, some of us actually prefer men of substance and good character over those with flashy cars and the latest fade haircut. If you thought she wanted a part of your bank balance, you should know by now how very wrong you were.

10 WAYS TO MAKE A COME-BACK IN 2019 AFTER THE WORLD’S WORST BREAK-UP

THE PAST

If you broke up with your soul mate, it probably felt as if you survived Armageddon. Break-ups are not easy but you have overcome many challenges. Hey..take it easy on yourself. This too will be a challenge that you managed to conquer! Don’t stress yourself out over someone who is already laughing with other women, while you are living the life of a recluse and moping around. Is he worth your sanity? I don’t think so, my friend. Nothing is worth your peace of mind!

TIME TO SOAR

Tell me… how badly do you want that transformation? A little bit of creativity and a dose of sass is what you require for your personal development plan to work. I must warn you, though that positive thoughts alone will not set you free. You need to have an action plan. Before you get into that car and start moving, make sure that you not making any impulsive decisions based on a whim. It’s best that you carefully weigh your options first.

REACH AS HIGH AS YOU CAN

For some reason, breaks ups become a sort of renewal of our lives. Out with the old and in with the new is sometimes necessary for personal development. There are a billion lessons that you have probably learned from your break up by now. Those lessons are priceless. for your growth. You probably can’t even imagine being with someone else right now. One day though your pieces will be restored and glued together again. You will remember these days as the stepping stone to finding the one you supposed to be with forever. You will thank your creator for bringing you to the place that this will lead to.

NEW YEAR – NEW YOU

THE UPCOMING YEAR

I am going to give you that plan, now. Come on. Put a smile on that beautiful face! Promise yourself that 2019 will be the year you give yourself the time of your life. You have to promise me though, that you will focus on being positive. Eradicate any thoughts that weigh you down. Remember that it is normal to feel lonely and to also miss the person you once shared so much with. However dwelling on what went wrong and what could have been will just drown you in despair. Savour each moment of your freedom and enjoy your single life again!

GUESS WHO GOT THEIR SMILE BACK?!

Some tips:

10 Super Moves To Happiness

  1. Write down your new goals for each week along with ways of achieving them.
  2. Transform your appearance. Go for a small transformation. Join that Aqua Aerobics class now.  Start taking care of your body. Dress smartly and change your old image.
  3. Update your resume and apply for the course you have been meaning to do.
  4. Find new friends. Get a hobby. Join a group.
  5. Give back to society. Volunteer work is extremely rewarding and great for your self-esteem.  Join a soup kitchen.
  6. Declutter your home. Do those D.I.Y projects. Transform your space and redecorate.
  7. Pray. Be mindful of your actions. Take stock of your life. Take heed of the lessons you needed to learn.
  8. Create a gratitude journal and fill it with the little things that made you happy for the day.
  9. Save your money. Make wise investments. Soon you will have a lump sum to play with.
  10. Reconnect with your family and loved ones. There are many people who just want to see you happy.

Breakups are a normal part of life, as painful as they may be. However, if you make a pact with yourself to move forward, you can’t possibly go wrong! In no time, you will get your bounce back. You will realize that you have not thought about your ex for a long time. Your soul will feel lighter and you will attract people into your life. These people will be on the same level as you. Remember that a contented and happy soul will attract like-minded people to the new you. Your new lifestyle will bring you immense success. Do not give up or give in to depression and apathy. You are the only one who can put all your pieces back together again!

Happy Endings – Does That Even Exist These Days?

Want To Know How To Keep him wrapped around your pinky finger for Life? Let Me Tell You What I Have Learned over the years!

Soon You Will Have Him Eating From Your Palms

(This is a two-part series that must be read to the end. I may just go on to the third part..or not…but hang around. It will be worth the read, trust me.)

I chose this topic because I am so tired of dishing out advice to clueless friends. I will now direct them to this blog and hope they don’t bug me any more. After all I am single, free and rather content with my lot in life. Don’t need any stress.

So…here goes…

Give Your Man These Three Things:

 
1. Respect, Respect, Respect!

2. Appreciation, Appreciation, Appreciation!

3. SEX, SEX SEX!

(Not in that particular order…take number three to the top depending on who you are married to…Laugh out loud)

I often hear about marriages ending because someone cheated. If it is not him, it is her. I have the best  news for you, ever!

Newsflash: You can keep the affections and love of the person you marry/married for the rest of your life. It is a given that there are loads of pathological liars and serial cheaters out there who don’t need a reason to cheat. They see. They like. They take.

Then, there are those that get fed – up of trying to save a hopeless marriage for so long and just give up, eventually. All it takes is one kind word, or one provocative female, or a little bit of attention and then years of happiness is destroyed instantly. This is no justification for cheating. It is a vile act, but it happens more than the amount of times the sun rises. Homes break!

To keep a marriage free from the evil of outsiders, you must follow some basic rules, male or female. These tips and tricks are mostly for females, though. If you are male and reading this please tell us what would work to revive a stagnant marriage, in your opinion.

Prevent His Eyes from Roaming

I must say that women need to wake up and play their roles as a wife. Stop complaining and start taking action, ladies. I know about marriage, I have been married. I know what men expect and want. I can easily tell you, with all honesty what you shouldn’t do. I can also easily tell you how you can lose a man in thirty days flat! Men cheat because their levels of imaan(faith) are non-existent.

Yes, I have been married, so I know these things. Now, this post is not about me at all. So, please stop that mind of yours from wondering about me and my life. This is about you. This post will show you how to get your groove back! This post may just help you to save your marriage.

All It Takes Is Patience And Certain Skills

However, I will add my disclaimer because me being me, and an ex- law student, I will put up my safety precautions…HAHA!

Someone might be at a dead end in their marriage, and use my tips right at the end and still fail. What I do not need is someone coming at me with a sledgehammer because the marriage skills I shared did not work for them.

So…I repeat, do not quote me when your husband asks you who taught you to do those things. Well, not unless he is happy with you, then you spread the word. I got it from Shamz and tell him to announce it too. There is a lady dishing out marriage advice online and guess what? It really works!

Your Smile Is The Fanciest Make – Over you Will Ever need

Do Yourself A Favour & Ditch the Sad Face

If you are a married women or man and you feel like your marriage is failing. Don’t drown in despair. There is still hope. I sat so many friends down, while they were crying and I was about to give them a piece of advice and you know what they said?

I have tried everything under the sun. Nothing works. You want to know what crossed my mind in that instant. Whoah…Is this how you tried everything? With such a negative mindset, you going to get nowhere. Look, I do understand that for those who have been in a marriage, almost forever, it feels like there is not much left to do to save your relationship.

I must say though that an upbeat and positive attitude is my first expectation from you, if you wish to follow my advice. It is understandable and perfectly normal to feel downright depressed when things are falling apart. However, it is only you who can pull yourself out from the rut you are stuck in.

Change Your Intentions

Allow Your Creator To Lead You Towards Your Fate

The first thing you need to do to fix yourself is to fix your intentions. What do you want from your marriage? Are you in it because being married is better than loneliness? Are you in it because you have children that need you? Are you in it because of your creator, the Lord of the Universe? Do you want to have a blessed marriage for the sake of Allah swt your Lord. Do you wish to grow spiritually? What does Islam say about your husband and how to treat him? What rights does your spouse have over you? Do you want real fulfillment? Do you prefer a life and marriage for Instagram that is oh so perfect, but dead and stagnant in reality?

If you do things with that mindset above, nothing else will matter to you. Why? For starters every action of yours will be done for the pleasure of your creator and thus, if your actions are not reciprocated you won’t feel like your world just fell apart. You will remain confident, because you will trust in your fate. You will trust in what was written in your destiny. Remember both good and bad, comes from Allah swt (GOD) A man who cheats has no real taqwa. A man who fears Allah swt will NEVER hurt a women and cheat and vice versa. Men with real taqwa, fear Allah and are good partners. The same applies to women. End of Story.

Love Bomb Yourself Honey, Before You Work On Him

Now that, we have cleared that aspect, let’s talk about you. If you are constantly feeling drained and listless, how are you going to put in any extra effort into saving your marriage? How are you going to be super-wife? You already know what I am going to say next, don’t you? Yeah, you guessed right! Self-care is super important! Enough sleep, exercise and healthy eating is your first step.

Without quiet time for yourself, you will get lost. So, find time to enjoy your life alone. Get to know yourself. Love yourself first. Your first love, should be yourself. Do something you used to love but gave up. Find a new hobby. Your first concern should be your mental, physical and emotional well-being. If you have your mental and physical health, you will be able to soar and thrive within your marriage. Happiness is contagious. Spread joy in your home through your own well being and peace of mind. You will be able to give back so much more because you are now so much more content. Sort that out and then we can talk…

Newly Weds Better Than Old Couples?

A Wedding And New Life Is Exciting

So, you want to be as happy as your first day of marriage? Unfortunately, that can’t happen. Back then you were newly weds. What this means is that marriage was a novelty. In time, all those lovey dovey cooing and  feelings got replaced by did you forget to take the trash out again? Also, for those who are happily married they will tell you that the marriage actually evolves and grows to the next stage.

Once you are familiar with each other you can’t go back to be being strangers, can you? While that was not what you wanted to hear. You should know that marriage can only get better despite all the ups and downs, trials and knocks. Yeah you heard right. It gets better. You reach a point of understanding because you eventually get to know your spouse and trust is built on a solid foundation. Working together to resolve problems is supposed to solidify you as a couple.

You faced the worst and you are still together, are you not? Rest assured that even though you are not where you want to be, the great news is that you are still married. You have not yet started to divide those assets, so honey, there is still time to save things.

Bring Back the Butterflies-Bring Back Those Intense Feelings

Revive Those Sparks

The problem is there are no sparks at this moment. If you re-invent yourself and make some changes, albeit small changes, you can cause huge ripples. First things first. My number one piece of advice to all women is. Never allow your husband to see you disheveled. You heard right. Lift your hands up if you are the type that looks wretched in the house but when you get into that car, you look like a super babe? Before you were married to him, would you be caught dead looking the way you do now, when you are lounging at home? If it was not good enough back then, it is not good enough now.

You may say we have had kids together. He has seen me at my worst.So??? Does that mean the maid should look better than you do? Ladies and gentlemen take pride in your appearance, personal grooming and personal hygiene. Don’t even bother buying fancy lingerie when you have a Tom Selleck mustache and your legs look like Godzilla’s. Don’t waste your money sister, if your confidence has slipped away either. Re -build your self esteem, before we go shopping at Madame Provocateur.

Happiness Comes With A Price

Some of you have perfect figures, perfect skin, but no dress sense, no sense of pride and don’t care about cleanliness. You smelled good, way back in those days. You didn’t lather on the babies bum cream for dry skin. You bought the best smelling lotions and potions. Your body was silky and smooth.

After having had babies we all have stretch marks, ugly scars and what not. Even your husband is not exactly a  re-incarnation of Ian Somerhaulder is he? He has aged too. Perhaps you have not noticed those grey specks on his hair or beard because you love him thaaaaat much. He is still your knight in shining armour regardless of the fact that he has aged a bit. So honey, trust me when I say this, the small efforts won’t go unnoticed…to be continued…

Girl’s Guide To Buying Your Own Car!

Golden Oldies

Many years back, I would drive around my small farm town, where I am from, with a red battered VW Beetle which to me felt like a red Lambo! Sometimes friends and family would see me stuck in the middle of the main road, bonnet up, and trying embarrassingly and desperately to re-install the fan belt.

It had this habit of falling off whenever I decided to show off and rev my engine…which was rather often… back then…Even without a driver’s licence almost all farm town kids will honestly tell you that they learned to drive at just about eleven years old. Dirt roads and farms offered the most safety, for those who wanted to learn how to drive. No traffic cops and no traffic except maybe some fat cows to watch out for.

Ah..those beautiful days make me nostalgic for sweet fifteen, and the memories fill me up with a longing for a different era, and a different me.

Empowering Women

In South Africa women are spoilt by menfolk who mostly handle everything vehicle related. While there is a countless amount of women, who are not only experienced drivers, but also know a great deal about cars, there are enough of us out here who are not that clued up. My dad and brothers always urged me to learn and take an interest in my own vehicle and how it works.

As part of my self-improvement and development, I have started to open my eyes and get educated about cars, something that I always assumed was more a man’s forte. Since my divorce I have been forced to jump out of the fairy tale I was living in.

I have in the end, learned that if a woman can drive a car, she can wash the car and maintain the car as well. It feels rather empowering to be able to walk into a dealership, know what you want and what to look out for, without your papa by your side.

Clueless

If you are anything like I used to be, then you probably kind of and sort of clueless as to what to look out for, when purchasing a vehicle. I usually drive like one would do on Grand Turismo and I love my need for speed. I must admit though, that I am limited in my knowledge about cars. I can change a tyre. I can tell you where the petrol, oil and water goes. I have attempted to jump start my car once when the battery died, some time back.

I know how many times my car needs to be fed with those delicious and golden liquids. However, that is about where it all ends. Oh yes, I do recall what is a fan belt from my teen memories. I want to say though, that it is not beneath a women to know about manly things like vehicles. In fact knowledge will give rise to your self-confidence levels and improve your self-esteem beyond words.

Time for Some Changes

So, if you are anything like me, and still sitting with the car your dad bought for you back in Uni, then it means that it’s time for some changes. Where does one start? What should you look out for when you decide to purchase a new car?

Should you opt for brand new or should you go for slightly used but with very little mileage? In my opinion, unless I am a billionaire, I will definitely not purchase a car out of the box.  I honestly believe that cars are a huge waste of money because they depreciate in value. Unless you are deciding to purchase a collectors Aston Martin…I guess in that case it is a whole new story.

New or Pre-owned

Something you should know if you have not already done research is that the best place to look for a car is at an auction.

Here are some reputable websites to checkout:

www.bidvestburchmores.co.za

www.smd.co.za

http://www.ezautoauction.com/

https://www.copart.com/

https://www.abetter.bid/

https://www.police-auctions.org.uk/

You will find that perfectly suitable and almost brand new cars here. Most of the cars found at auctions are pre-owned, which were written off because of a minor accident. These cars may just have small damages such as a bump on the bumper. They can easily be fixed as long as the engine and the rest of the car is okay and road worthy.

13 Essentials To Tick Off On Your checklist :

  • Check the service history of the car. Bare in mind that the car should have been serviced by a reputable mechanic.
  • Also check the odometer for mileage, and let’s hope that the car is not on its last leg and been around the block a billion times
  • Do some research and be open minded. You may surprise yourself when you see that the car you dreamed of may not be practical or your best option.
  • Carefully inspect both the outside and inside of the vehicle. Don’t be shy to open the hood and look for rusty parts. A clean engine is a good indication of the quality of the car.
  • You won’t require the services of a mechanic to perform a leak test. Stop the car on a clear driveway and stall it for 30 minutes. Then look under for any fluid that leaks.
  • Check the body of the car for any paint jobs, you will easily notice this when you open the car door. It is usually the sides of the car which has telltale signs of a hidden paint job/repair.
  • Do a test drive on the highway. See how the car handles bends. Ensure that the breaks are in good condition and notice squeals and squeaks. For this you should ask the dealer to stop talking in order to pay attention to important sounds and sensations. How does it feel when you change the gears and is the clutch easy to push in and release?
  • Learn about the brand and make of the vehicle, ask people you know who have those cars. Also check out online reviews.

Feel like a Queen

These tips above are sure to get you your dream car. If you don’t feel like a total queen afterwards because you did it all on your own, then something is drastically wrong!

I firmly believe that women need to empower themselves with knowledge and equip themselves with the necessary skills required to survive solo. If you have an opinion and tip that you would like to add please feel free to comment.

Perhaps I have left something essential out. What do you think? Should ladies leave the car and all things car related to men?

Do you want it good, clean and smooth?

Finding the perfect Beauty therapist

I don’t know about other women, but most Muslim women are shy about baring it all. I tend to go on a diet for at least a week before I have an appointment with my beauty therapist. I suck my tummy in and hold my breath throughout the waxing procedure. It is no secret that waxing is one of the most dreaded and embarrassing procedures besides visiting the gynecologist.

Comfort

Let’s be brutally honest here, no women is comfortable removing her clothes in front of other women, especially not a woman with a beautiful body. For many women, the reluctance about visiting a beautician for waxing is mainly due to how self-conscious most women are. Many of us dread seeing our beauty therapists when it’s time for a wax. I know I am extremely uncomfortable even after years of visiting the same therapist. So, it is essential for women seeking out ways to have hair-free skin, to make sure that we find a suitable therapist. Then comes the burn factor, when it comes to waxing. It is time-consuming to do a d.i.y. especially if you not used to it. I have had countless burns and scars from waxing.

Sacrifice

However, I must add that beauty means sacrifice. As Muslims, cleanliness is part of Godliness. What this means is that every single hair in the oddest of places must be removed. There is no getting around that. It’s almost unheard of to find an unclean Muslim female or male. As a Muslim the first thing we teach our children about is cleanliness. Did you know that each time a Muslim visits the bathroom to offload and relieve ourselves, it is obligatory to cleanse with water? Yeah that is correct, not just tissue paper but water too. This should indicate how important cleanliness is to any Muslim. We cannot touch our Quraan if we are impure and each time we touch this holy book, it is obligatory to wash ourselves before we read the words of Allah swt (GOD)

The problem that all of us face, is the tedious painful procedure behind it. My pain limits are really low and I always screech in pain whenever I visit the beautician. No amount of painkillers help for that stinging burning tearing sensation of waxing. Although I must admit that the smooth skin afterwards is a good reward. Most women, especially married women, will inform you that the best part about having smooth skin is that your husband won’t be able to get his hands off you. Many of us break out though with pimples after a wax, due to ingrown hairs as well as sensitivity. We believe that our bodies was given to us as a loan by our creator, therefore keeping it in tip top condition is vital. Personal development entails taking care of your physical body as well as emotional needs. Your self- confidence levels will soar when you are hair free. Leaving the house is simpler and faster. You won’t have to stand in front of the mirror to pluck stray hairs anymore.

Extra Sensitive Skin

As someone who has extra sensitive skin which often breaks out from waxing and threading, I decided to opt for laser skincare solutions instead.  I was really chuffed by laser hair removal and its benefits. While Laser Hair removal is not new on the market, it is quite pricey. Do note that the benefits outweigh the costs and the patience which one requires to attempt this type of solution for hair removal.

I have tried shaving and waxing hair removal cremes and concoctions of all types and of all methods of hair removal but none have excited me in this way.

As a rule, I must try out items before I actually feature them on my page. After various interviews and reviews with many satisfied clients, I am pleased to feature and promote Laser touch on my blog. I have also teamed up with them, offering them a space to rent out and perform hair removal and skin therapy sessions.

Perfect Solution

If you are seeking the perfect hair removal solution which is cost effective and done professionally and discreetly by certified laser therapists then book your appointment with us right NOW. Email us to confirm your booking for the 25th of March 2019 today. We are based in Crawford, Cape Town. There are limited spaces available. We are open from 8am to 8pm for your convenience. Book Now! Do not procrastinate! Do Not Delay!

Email: shamz@mail.com to book your appointment, NOW!

The culprit behind my problems!

It will rob you and highjack your soul if you allow it to!

What am I speaking about?

Fibromyalgia

For some reason, I believed that people would look up Fibromyalgia instead of being so clueless about it. I mean it is not exactly an illness that is rare. Its rampant within the community. There are many who become overwhelmed by the mention of the name, Fibromyalgia. Fibra- ma-what? I am often asked. Some people can’t even pronounce the illness let alone bother to find out more about it. It is too complicated for certain minds to comprehend, thus my need to speak about it before I proceed to other blogs of substance which I have in mind.

I have been inundated with questions about this syndrome or Auto Immune Illness as I phrase it to many. Well let me tell you this much, it is no joke, living with Fibromyalgia. It has robbed me of a lot of things, particularly my desire to be a hot shot advocate or lawyer. So naturally, we have a very acrimonious relationship, me and Fibromyalgia.

The Beginning

Before I describe the symptoms to you, I will tell you how it begins. While some of you are just curious to know more about it, I am writing this article because I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. Seeing that my blog is about self-development and lifestyle I will tell you about ways in which you can manage this illness and ways to prevent it from happening to you.

If you want to lead a life that is fruitful and healthy then you need to be careful about how you handle stress. If you don’t pull up your socks right now and become mindful of your health, trust me, nobody is exempt from developing dreaded diseases such as Fibromyalgia and Cancer. There is a direct link between stress and illness and neglect of your body and mind.

While I love to be healthy, it is very often that my personal life often stands in the way of me being my best healthy self. However, the key to success is standing up and fighting and not to give up or back down. I often battle with my desires to just do what I feel like and eat how I want. I must admit though, that whenever I eat unhealthily it affects my health tremendously.

So here are the initial symptoms that slowly began wreaking havoc in my life:

  1. Pain in my shoulders and neck
  2. Loss of memory
  3. Brain fog
  4. Constantly being tired

To be quite honest, these symptoms began during the last year of my marriage, the year we had decided to try one last time. The cherry on the top was the court case which I had, which came after my actual divorce. This court case was not between me and my ex-husband. By this time already we were well adjusted to the situation and had no issues with each other. To this day, we remain good friends and support each other through our parenting journey. He has been my constant support and strength.

Stress is your worst enemy

Going back to my point on stress, I will reiterate that it is the biggest cause of every health concern you may have, trust me on this one.

If you are one of those people who is constantly stressed out about the littlest of things then you need to take heed. Try to improve your life, and become aware of and mindful of your stress levels as part of your self-development.

2011/2012 my most stressful year

Going back to that year 2011, was possibly the worst year of my life. At first, I pegged it down to temporary insomnia, due to many things I needed to think about. I was so unhappy back then and leading the most unauthentic life in the whole world. I was basically living for other people and not for myself.

Needless to say, this is what pushed my body and my well being to the brink of a complete breakdown and reaching rock bottom. I am not saying that I did not love my ex-husband, crazily and passionately and he loved me just as much, but there were things beyond my control and eventually, I had to just let go, and he gave in as well.

That is when Fibromyalgia decided to attack me full force. I recall many times falling off to sleep soundly in my car when I would go to fetch my son from school. I at first thought perhaps I was pregnant again? It would have been the biggest blessing if I was and if it wasn’t Fibromyalgia finding its way into my body.

Diagnoses

I only got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia three years after the illness was full blown and swimming through my veins. Fibromyalgia is difficult to diagnose. I used to visit the doctor so often complaining of my hands, my back, my feet, my ribs and often suffering from insomnia and being constantly exhausted. When my G.P mentioned Fibromyalgia, I assumed it was something like arthritis. I didn’t quite understand what he meant. I could not even pronounce the word Fibromyalgia and by the time I got home, even forgot what he called this syndrome or illness.

So, what exactly is Fibromyalgia you ask?

In a nutshell, fibromyalgia is an autoimmune syndrome which affects your muscles and joints and your cognitive abilities, your sleeping patterns as well as your bowel movements etc.

Symptoms

  1. Constant burning and severe pain in your muscles
  2. Memory loss
  3. Brain fog
  4. Irritable bowel syndrome
  5. Heightened senses such as smell and sensitivity to loud noises
  6. Severe sensitivity to the emotions of others
  7. Anxiety
  8. Depression due to the struggle and pain from illness

Is there a cure for Fibromyalgia?

No, but if you are totally and completely stress-free for a long period of time, if you manage your symptoms through exercise and healthy eating habits, practice meditation and seek therapy for anxiety it can definitely be minimized to the point of feeling as if it has disappeared altogether. However, in theory, it is so easy to speak about the ways you can manage this illness. In practice, it is not always easy.

Expensive

 I am sure you are aware that, the life of a single mother is never stress-free, so avoiding stress is not possible. However, effectively managing the way you deal with stress is the way to tackle fibromyalgia. Money is another major issue as there are specific vitamins that are required and a must for this illness in addition to medication. Constant massages and cupping, as well as acupuncture, are all holistic ways to treat Fibromyalgia. As any single mother will tell you, the one thing, we don’t have enough of is money. Medical aid and medical insurance does not recognize Fibromyalgia as an illness and therefore does not pay for chronic pain medication.

Vitamins and Supplements

I read somewhere, in a very poorly researched article that vitamins are not required to lead a healthy life and that all one needs is to eat healthily and exercise. I was overwhelmed with anger at the stupidity of the writer. We live in a world where there are constant pollution and stress and even if we ate right and avoided unhealthy food and exercised it would not be enough for our bodies. Vitamins are not just for Fibromyalgia sufferers.

 The fact remains that we don’t always eat organic and our food these days are very polluted by chemicals. Naturally, our body only produces a limit of specific vitamins etc. for our bodies to function well. Stress limits tend to use up whatever our body produces leaving us in a deficit when it comes to specific vitamins for our core to function. Thus, certain supplements and vitamins are vital and essential to assist us along the way, especially when we get older. With or without Fibromyalgia Vitamins and supplements are a must have in every home!

How to prevent Fibromyalgia?

  1. Change your mindset and think positive, somehow.
  2. Manage your stress through outlets such as exercise, therapy, time management, constant breaks, and meditation.
  3. Watch what you consume.
  4. Make sure you take supplements such as Vitamin B, Vitamin D, Omega 3,6,9, Magnesium, Glutathione and most importantly calcium.

Many people will tell you that Fibromyalgia is brought on by severe trauma and stress as there is a direct correlation between the chemicals of the brain, your central nervous system, and the spine and the way it affects your pain threshold. If you want to avoid Fibromyalgia you have to work on your self-development by developing skills to enhance your ability to cope in this harsh world, we live in. While you cannot avoid stress, stress is the number one culprit which creates needless diseases and illnesses in your body.

For further information on fibromyalgia, please visit these sites:

If you have been affected by fibromyalgia please feel free to comment and engage with readers. You never know who you may be helping by speaking about your illness. Provide the health solutions that have worked for you.

Polygamy yay or nay???

Islam allows four wives

A women’s greatest fear

These words can strike fear into the heart of any Muslim women in a monogamous marriage. It is a dreaded word to most modern Muslim women these days: “My husband wants to take a second wife!” 

Culture Shock!

Polygamy has existed for centuries in many different cultures. It is not just within Islam that polygamy is encouraged. From Hinduism and Christianity to the different African cultures, it has been there and will remain there despite the efforts of many to do away with it. Polygamy was previously not recognized in South Africa. Today, however wives from polygamous marriages even inherit according to the South African Law of Succession and Family law.

Small minds

I was once asked about my views on polygamy by a non-Muslim many years back. I hang my head in shame at the answer I gave to him. I was only twenty-one and thought I knew everything there was to know about Islam back then. How arrogantly, I answered. I am now ashamed to say that I thought in such a small-minded and narrow way back then, but I have grown and this is all part of my journey of growth and self-development.

Divine rights of a man

You are a Muslim woman, but you don’t believe or accept polygamy, how is that possible? The holy Quraan clearly gives a man the rights to have four wives. Who are you then to refuse his God-given, divine rights? I ask.

Many years ago, I used to have debates and arguments with my brothers and any man who even whispered the word polygamy near me. Stupid and naive that I was, I argued about things I had no knowledge of. About two years ago, my younger brother sat me down and took the time to explain polygamy to me in detail. I promised to listen to him with an open mind without interrupting him. At first, I sat with my arms crossed thinking what I would say to him and how I would argue my point. However, as he went on, something within me began to change. I really started to understand the hikmah (wisdom) behind polygamy.

Modern Feminists

Allah (GOD) swt is so great. A staunch feminist and a passionate activist against abuse of women, I used to be adamant that every man only saw polygamy as a tool and means to satisfy their desires and hurt and exploit innocent women. How wrong I was! There are many men who exploit their God-given rights to have 4 wives, by marrying women and then treating them badly. There are however many individuals who have successfully taken more than one wife and lead extraordinary lives. They are fair and just and provide love, care, and support to all four wives equally. Their family life is in order and these families really thrive upon this setting.

Strong Imaan and proper taqwa is the solution (Fear your Lord and have faith in His wisdom)

The key lies in the level of imaan (faith) and intentions of both the husband as well as the first wife. Which women wants to share her man? Every single woman is territorial and jealous. Even the wives of Nabi Muhammad s.a were jealous. That being said, if a man is mentally strong enough to handle four different women in his life, then Bismillah, let him go ahead with polygamy.

During the time of our prophet Muhammad s.a, polygamy was encouraged not for carnal desires. There were many reasons but mostly it was there to take care of women. When a woman lost her husband through death or divorce, the companions of the prophet s.a would marry them to save them from zina (adultery) and poverty and to protect their best interests and sometimes even offer support as role models to another mans children in cases where the fathers had passed on.

Blessing

The way I look at it, polygamy is a blessing for women. The benefits are numerous. Many women today do not want to be a second wife, neither do they wish to share their husbands. This to me is shallow and immature behavior as Muslim women. A while back a newly married bride, I know personally, asked her husband to take a second wife. She said that she had chosen someone for him based on the women’s marital status. Here was another woman just like her, divorced and struggling to make ends meet. I was utterly shocked. The women who did this was young, stunningly beautiful and what surprised me was that she was newly married. I took her aside and I asked her if she was okay? Why would you even suggest that? I wondered at that time. She selflessly chose to open her heart to another women.

Can you imagine a polygamy hater hearing this? I was appalled and shocked beyond words. After careful scrutiny of her intentions and reasoning, I realized how beautiful polygamy is and more so, it was a wake-up call for me too.

No need for consent from the first wife

You as a Muslim woman need to understand that Jannah (heaven) lies under the feet of your husband. If you please him, you please Allah. If he decides that he wants another wife, you cannot stop him. I honestly believe that if you ask for a divorce, just because he took another wife, you are cruel and selfish beyond words.

If a man secretly marries that is not part of Islam. However, just remember that a man does not need a first wife’s permission for polygamy and that says it all. Deception is discouraged and frowned upon. However, if a man comes to his wife honestly and explains his intentions, allows the first wife to be a participant in the procedure of choosing another wife and is good and kind to his first wife, then what is the problem?

Stop Complaining and learn to appreciate what you have

Women often complain about their husbands. I am going to be brutally honest here. Some women say they have run out of excuses: “Honey, not tonight, I have a headache!” is now becoming a stale excuse. You can’t always satisfy his desires, if he has a high sex drive then what should he do? Commit adultery?

Men are from Mars and women are from Pluto

Women need to understand something, men were created very differently to us. Some men are weak, and women are the strong ones. We can control our desires. Some men can’t. The obvious solution is polygamy. If you as woman lack in the stamina to be the wife, he needs then don’t push him to sin.

Besides this, if a man marries another woman for Allah swt sake and wishes to assist a woman entirely for Allah swt sake and you stop him, you are preventing him from fulfilling what Allah has allowed. You are preventing another woman from her blessings! Open your mind ladies, and start thinking like a Muslim, not like a self-absorbed so-called modernist. Look at the bigger picture and how it will eradicate poverty and adultery.

Know your stats, see the bigger picture

Do you know how many women are single? Do you know that there future predicts that there will be more women on earth than men? In answer to your burning questions in all your minds right now. No, I am not desperate or stupid enough to jump into a polygamous marriage without being sure about who he is and what he stands for.

I know my place as a Muslim woman. Just as you don’t have a choice when it comes to proper hijab, you must cover because this is divine law! Right? It clearly states in the Quraan cover, cover cover! In the very same way, you must accept polygamy as divine law clearly stated in the holy Quraan.

Would I be a second wife? Yes! Would I allow my husband to have a second wife? Yes, definitely I would! In fact at one stage I begged my ex-husband to take another wife for different reasons that are personal. I once even suggested he marry a close friend of mine who was divorced and older than him. He thought I had gone insane.

Benefits of polygamy:

  1. Plenty of me time when he is with her.
  2. You know where he is when he is not with you.
  3. Shared responsibility for example:
  4. He owns a business. Each wife can manage certain department. Or you could take turns to cook and share meals etc
  5. Thawaab and blessings for following the sunnah and upholding the divine decree of Allah swt
  6. If you maintain a kinship and friendship with her it will be mutually beneficial – she will be there for you and your children if you fall ill.
  7. One big happy family – who needs outsiders when there are more than enough insiders?
  8. Discounts for shopping in bulk…hahah
  9. Most importantly mutually assisting others in matters of deen by encouraging one another to be their best.
  10. Security and support. You have a team behind you, what more do you need?

So, ladies before you decide to hate polygamy, know that you hating the divine rule and law of Allah swt, your creator. Are you disputing the hikmah and wisdom of the Lord of the universe, you have the audacity to do that?! Please feel free to leave your comments. Thank you for reading, I know this was a really long read.

Modern yet Modest

Beautiful Women

Sharing my services with the community

By no means is this an advertising platform. I am here to write and convey my journey of self-development to you. Part of self-development and being a good human being requires sharing your time, your heart and your being with others.

On this note, I have decided to assist entrepreneurs and small businesses at least once a month with marketing. This service which I offer is free of charge, and mostly to empower women to take charge of their lives. It does not actually matter who you are. Whether you are male or female, as long as your products are of a higher caliber, I will review them and choose whom I wish to feature on my blogs.

Online Boutique

Without further ado, I would like to present some of my favorite items to you. I have collaborated with an array of small online boutiques to bring you items which you may purchase for yourself this February, in light of self-love and self-development.

February month of love

Treat Yourself!

Modern and Modest

What you need to know is that you are a beautiful, courageous and a breathtakingly stunning human being, with or without a partner by your side. You deserve to spoil yourself, love yourself. Why wait your whole life for someone else to show you your value, when you can value yourself and know your own self-worth?! Purchase your own dress. Send yourself flowers if there is nobody to buy them for you. If you have a partner to spoil you then indeed you are blessed. I am certain that he will be bowled over by these outfits.

So let’s get down with it, right now…

Upcoming Designer

Do you know what Coco Chanel said about women?

She said: “ You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life!”

The lady I feature today, is an upcoming designer of modest clothes, in particular, streetwear that is unique, chic, sassy, classy and elegant. Well…I thought so….

When I was fourteen my mother sent me for fashion designing classes and bought me two machines of my own to use to create my own outfits. I guess my mother got tired of buying me all those fancy designer dresses. The honest to God truth is I love clothing, designing and creating a garment from scratch. However, I met my match when it comes to designing, or should I say, I have met a lady who truly surpasses me in her designing skills. It is the whole truth.

Hijaab Style

Hijaabi Queens

Here are some of her stunning and trendy hijab style items which I think have earned a special place of must-haves on my list. I have chosen a few favorites. I contacted her and after a brief conversation she was very responsive and permitted me to feature her lovely items.

Be Different

After careful scrutiny of the products, I was truly bowled over by the range and her show stoppers are truly to die for items. I bet your hangers in your cupboard are screaming out Rafia ’s brand name Modualapparel.  Can you resist these soft, flowy, distinct patterns and amazing designs draped loosely over you? These items are created with passion and the sort of creativity that I find rare.

Busy as a bee

Street Fashion

Young and Hip

These outfits were carefully put together in such a manner as to reduce the shape of your body and conceal more than revealing. They are, however, unique and eye-catching, with colors that every single woman covets. They are not just for Muslim women. Any women will feel like a princess when she models these outfits for her beloved family and friends. The aim is to introduce young women to the joys and pleasure of covering up while remaining part of the street style, street fashion, and street trends…

Lady in red

Formal and casual range

Everything is not always black and white

With two ranges to choose from, you will most certainly be spoiled for choice. What I loved about these garments is that their price range is not way over your budget as most Islamic wear is. Rafia’s range encompasses timeless beauty and elegance.  I guarantee, that most husbands with gheerah (mild possessiveness) will be relieved, stunned and pleasantly surprised when you adorn yourself with these lovely outfits. Priced between R750 to R950 for the casual range and R1200 to R2500 for the exclusive and smart range. I think these are a total steal! They are utterly unique which means that your frienemy won’t be caught wearing the same outfit as you.

Cool Summer Florals
Dress it up with heels
Bold and sasy
Teen image
Elegant Woman
Feminine and flowy

So here goes…

Rafia may be contacted via email: rafiah@zaraf.co.za

Alternately you may call her on +27820534665

Alternatively, check out her clothing line on Instagram @modualapparel

Rafia offers courier services.

She is based in Johannesburg, South Africa

Let’s talk about catfish baby let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things that may be, let’s talk about Catfish!

THE PERILS OF TECHNOLOGY

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

Nobody wishes to discuss their experience of being catfished. It is that traumatic for most people. Why I decided to blog on this topic? I myself have been catfished really badly. Catfish- what is catfish? Some of you ask, clueless?

PANDEMIC

SUICIDE

Allow me to inform you that catfishing people has literally become an online pandemic. People are killing themselves over it. It has come to a point where it is essential to delve deeper into things, to expose those who are using the internet as a smokescreen to hide their identities. Catfish is an online term used for people who remain anonymous while stealing someone else’s identity off social media. They use it to create a ruckus and go completely crazy online. Those who have been scammed by these freakish inhumane people will tell you that the worst feeling, is getting that email notifying you that you have been scammed.

For many devious con artists, the internet has become a safe haven and playground for predators. With very little effort, it is becoming simpler to stalk and destroy lives without getting caught. I myself have been targeted by one of the most ruthless and notorious human beings that I have ever encountered.

VICTIMS ARE MOSTLY WOMEN BUT BOTH MALES AND FEMALES

Ladies and gentlemen be extremely cautious when utilizing the net. Use privacy settings and do not reveal more information than you should. Most social media influencers are females.

YOUNG ONES AND OLDER PEOPLE

I initially assumed that it was the young ones in danger, perhaps mostly teens. However, it has come to my attention that besides, myself, a grown woman there are many, just like me who have been ruthlessly conned. Some women, according to a local therapist, have been conned out of their homes, savings and valuable jewelry.

DOUBLE LIFE

I found that most predators lead a double life, engaging in acts of deceit while leading a perfectly normal life on the outside. Many are even well-respected businessmen with unsuspecting wives and families. Even religious leaders are not exempt from being involved in these vile things. It is usually immature people who play dirty tricks, right? You got that wrong. Some of these men are in actual fact like bored housewives. With not enough excitement, intimacy and companionship, lacking in their lives, it is no wonder that they usually seek out vulnerable people.

TECHNOLOGY

BLESSING OR CURSE

While technology may be a blessing in disguise for business purposes and for information. It has its uses. The downside is that there are numerous problems when it comes to engaging on social media. Below I will list a few points to take cognizance of when you are online. I am not saying that everyone out here is suspect and bad. There are genuine, kind people and loads of decent humans out here. Among the crowds exist a few individuals with great big ideas to use the internet as bait and a trap.

FRIEND ME, FRIEND REQUEST

So the next time you get a friend request, you should carefully scrutinize every single thing written on their profile and read between the lines. It is easy to block someone. It is much easier to set up another account and stalk to your heart’s content. Friends have tried it for research purposes. We have opened several different accounts and wormed our way back into contact lists with very little effort. The amazing part was the trusting individuals out there. We could have easily conned all those men that sent us invites and waves, trying so desperately to get some action and interaction from women.

DISGUSTED AND PETRIFIED

Disgusted and petrified, I closed my eyes and cringed at some of the messages I received. Some were downright hilarious and I was tempted to ask for something and play along. To all of you online, my message is be careful. Roving eyes are everywhere. So be ultra careful out on the internet universe.

If you have been a target and victim of cyberstalking or cyberbullying and being catfished, please feel free to comment and discuss on my comment’s forum. I would love to create an awareness and perhaps even figure out a few things about our catfish together. Who knows, your catfish, maybe the same as my catfish, one and the same person?

What to do when you are being stalked or catfished online?

  • As someone with a legal background, I can tell you that you can definitely get into trouble for stealing someone’s identity depending on the circumstances. You can land up in jail if you stake claims to someone’s identity online.
  • If you can prove their actions, you can also take legal action and become involved in a civil case for poor health and sue for damages. Avoid posting your personal info online. Be careful about who you engage with and what you tell them.
  • Keep track of things with a paper trail, and have records of the conversation between you and the cyber bully. You can sue for harassment and get a restraining order as well. According to the U.K laws, the penalty for cyber-stalking is grave and could land you in prison from one year or even ten years. If the stalker threatens the victim in any way the punishment could obviously be worse.
  • What is harassment? It is when someone behaves in a way that offends or intimidates you which is known as discrimination. https://www.gov.uk/report-stalker U.KSee https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberstalking for more info on cyberstalking. U.S.ASee http://cybercrime.org.za/cyberstalking/ https://virtual-addiction.com/what-is-cyber-bullying/

If you are the victim of cyberstalking /harassment/defamation/ cyberbullying or catfishing please do not be ashamed to go forward and report this. Many people are intimidated by the threats from the perpetrator.

Shared sexual content often results in fear for one’s reputation. If you have been a victim, there are remedies available. There is a stigma attached to it as it is basically rape of the mind and sometimes cannot be proven.

I urge all of you out there to keep a record of the bullying and to not be afraid of taking legal action and taking charge of your life. Get your life back now!

Legal Aid South Africa  http://www.legal-aid.co.za/?page_id=424

Have you been a victim of cyber-stalking? You are not alone. Cyberstalking is on the rise. You are worthy of your privacy, safety and peace! STOP BULLYING NOW!

Bring back that Joie de Vivre into your life, now – Stay sane in an insane world!

Plan ahead and re-evaluate your goals!


Stage one

Make some changes

The same old issues we had last year are bound to crop up into the new year if we don’t make small changes to our lifestyle. The old routine of juggling work commitments, family responsibilities, the challenge of remaining part of certain social norms, community projects yadah yadah yadah is officially back.

Stop! Get rid of last years habits, now! May I go ahead and breathe fresh perspective into your routine? Come on, it is time for some changes. Are you ready? Here we go…

It’s the start of a new year and it can be the start of a new life for both you and me too.

 Baby steps

I don’t know much, but what I have learned from life is that you have to take each day as it comes. Baby steps. One day at a time. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, with what life throws your way, you have to stop and focus on one thing at a time. You can’t fix everything in one go. Self-development is a slow process which requires oodles of patience.

Did you go crazy with that credit card? Time to pay it back!

Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. Did you neglect your health over the holidays?
  2. Have you been overspending during the past few months?

Take some time out to reflect on all the external changes you need to make. Perhaps you need to pay certain bills.

3. Do you have a plan?

How are you going to pay it off?

4. Do you need to declutter your home?

Are there numerous items which you have accumulated but have no use for?

5. Are there changes you wish to make to your career or job?

First things first. Let’s grab a writing pad and a pen. On your page, make 3 sections.

Set goals

A.) External goals /material issues.

B.) Emotional goals.

C.) Health and physical goals.

  • Write everything down in their respective sections.
  • Have a timeline and set your goals for each month.
  •  Break that down into weekly goals and methods for achieving your goals.
  • Once you have done that get to the emotional issues that have weighed you down last year. How are you wiling to resolve those issues?
  • Are there friends which you need to let go off slowly from your life?
  • Is there someone you need to have that essential chat with?
  • What are your health goals and aspirations?
  • Do you need to see a doctor for that annual check-up which is long over-due?

Execute your plans

  • Go ahead and break down your steps. Next to each step, jot down a date. Tackle one thing at a time, one day at a time.
  • Re – evaluate your old goals and make changes and adjustments.
  • Goals give you something to work towards. Direction gives you a sense of security. When you achieve certain milestones you will feel relief and a sense of achievement.

Now for stage two…

Meditate

It is essential to be able to reflect and to meditate each day.

  • Reflect on your purpose each day and never lose sight of that.

Take time out

If all you do, is run between chores and work, kids and cooking then you are going to suffer from burn out and monotony.

  • Set aside some time for yourself every single day.
  • Whether you use the time you have early in the morning before everyone wakes up or whether you use the last hour before bed time.

Unwind

  • Check out WebMD for breathing techniques that bust stress away:

Do something you love

A good friend is better than a well paid therapist!

Visit a friend

Do you have a trusted friend whom you may confide in?

Someone who will not judge you.

A friend who will give you their perspective on your life

An honest friend who will tell you those truths which you need to hear.

Someone you can be yourself with.

Someone with a wicked sense of humor.

  • Once a month, have a catch-up session with him or her.

Take care of yourself

Sometimes simple things like self-care is very important.

  • Do a home facial.
Relaxing time.
  • When we are stressed out, we tend to neglect our bodies first and appearance.
  • Relax away with some bath bombs and lather on some lotion.

Do something Impulsive once in a while

Get out of your normal routine.

  • Who says that all the fun things have to be done over the weekends? Have a family barbecue on a week night.
  • Get out those board games. Assemble the family in the living room. Put away your phones and begin.
  •  Go for a walk in the park with the kids.
  •  Eat out in the middle of the week. Will the kids fail their whole year of school if you go out with them on a school night? I think not! Plan ahead. Make sure that homework is done. Make sure that everything is in its place for the next day.
Children also need a break from all the rules!
  • Go for a drive and buy those ice cream cones.
Life is an adventure, live it!
Make this year count!

Children also need a break now and then from the tedium of school day routines. We tend to make it a rule that week days are just for work work and more work. Don’t keep repeating old patterns expecting different results. Make small changes to your life and stick to those changes. You will be pleasantly surprised at the outcome of getting out of your normal rut. You are in charge of your life. Make your own rules and traditions. Set your own trends. Make this year count!